Taylor swift mother imagines

she finds out your not eating (tw)

A/n: lets goo im pumping out chapters like a beastttt also in this one imagine britnay is like a long time friend of tays oki? cuz like i love travis sm but he isn't in this book x as always enjoy my loves and leave as many comments and requests as u want xx 

TW: eating disorders and food, please don't read if it makes u uncomfortable

my dms or comments r always open if yall wanna talk about anything x take care your selfs ily sm xx

"Sweetie, are you sure you're not hungry? My mum tells me as she opens the door, carrying the millions of bags we brought with us today. "Yes ma I'm sure me and Gracie went for breakfast this morning and i'm stuffed". I told her lying on the couch, wrecked as she waved 'bye' to Greg, the driver. We'd been out the entire day at a new waterpark with all our friends. Blake and her kids, Brianty and her kids and Selena and her sister. We had a great day, except for the food. Something I had been silently struggling with was my body. I hated it so much. I know I'm not obese or anything , I just find it really hard to find the beauty in myself. My legs touch, I have no thigh gap, my stomach is nowhere near flat.

My double chin and everything about my shelves makes me wanna die. I can't look in a mirror for longer than a minute without tearing up, I can't help it, I just hate what I see. So I stopped eating, I started skipping meals here and there to test the waters, then I started eating heather and then cutting back on portions and now I'm here, I can't stand to eat anything above 5 calories a day. I hate it, I just want a normal relationship with food.

"Baby are you sure? We where they are for a long time" she looks at me suspiciously. She sits down next to me and takes my hands into hers "Baby come on I know you haven't been eating" she tells me and my blood turns cold. She can't know this is my secret, if she finds out ill be forced to gain back my weight i lost. Tears prickle in my eyes as she wipes them away, still talking to me. "Babygirl, I went through the same thing you're going through, I promise I understand. Food will not kill you baby, not eating will though, trust me, you won't get anything from it, just a very shitty relationship with food" she explains to me. I know about my mum's past struggles with eating from the internet and she's told me about it, vaguely when I asked, not wanting to push her.

"Now babygirl, please come eat with me, it doesn't have to be a lot, just something small but filling ok?" I slowly nod, tears brimming over my eyes and I shakily follow her. It's been about 5 days since i ate anything over 3 calories so my steps are very shaky. "Oh, you good?" she asks me, seeing me stumble all over the place. "Yep" I tell her but at the same time my knees buckle out of weakness and I fall to the ground. My mum who's watching me like a hawk catches me and lifts me onto one of the bar stools. "Babygirl, how long?" she asks and i already know what she means. "5 days" I look down ashamed. She quietly gasps and hugs me tight. "It's ok girlie, it's ok" she tells me even though i can tell it's killing her.

I'm not sure why though, why am i so important?. She gets out a chopping board and takes out some grilled chicken and a few ingredients to make a salad. Ok, it's ok it's just a salad y/n you got this. I tell myself but i don't believe it, all i see is a plate of calories, shit to make me fat. That's what she wants isn't it, to make me fat. Of course. "I'm not hungry" I mumbled quietly when my mum set the food in front of us. She made us both a chicken salad, hers had a significantly lot more stuff in it. It looked delicious.

I know I could eat the whole thing because of how hungry I was but I couldn't, I wouldn't let myself. It has so many calories, my limit was 10 a day, enough to let me have 3, 3 calories jellies , packets and water. It was fine. This is too much food. "I cant mama" I tell her, slightly exposing myself to her. "Here baby" she takes a little of her food on a fork and eats it, she then takes a sip of her diet coke and smiles. "It's delish babe," she tells me. "I know how you feel, please believe me I promise. I know what it's like but baby you cant let yourself get controlled by that voice in your head anymore. Please y/n, baby steps" she looks at me reassuringly. As much as I wanted to crawl back into bed and sob, I lifted the fork and took a tiny piece of lettuce and nibbled on it.

"Good job baby" she praised me. I felt sick. Why did i do that? Oh my fucking god y/n, 5 days of progress dont the drain. Fuck you. I start to panic, the silence at the table making it easier for me to get in my head. My mum can sense this so she opens her phone and puts on a show. "What do you wanna watch baby?" she asks. "Eras tour" I mumble. She smiles and nods, then props her phone on a bottle and presses play. As I'm watching I continue eating, I can sense my mum's eyes on me sometimes. Tears very much present on my face, I managed to eat 3 pieces of chicken, 4 pieces of lettuce and 2 slices of cheese.

"I'm so proud of you baby" she tells me, hugging me tightly. By this point I've got tears streaming down my face. I feel sick, gross. She holds me while I sob hysterically over a salad. I feel ridiculous but at the same time I can't control it. My mum sits me down on the couch and pulls me in to sit on her lap. I lay my head on her chest, finding comfort in hearing her hearbeat. A few minutes later I calm down slightly and start shivering. "Aw baby you're cold, I'll go get you a blanket" I nod as I yawn and extract myself from her. As soon as she leaves to go get a blanket I run. Run to the nearest bathroom to me. I lock the door and get in the pose I know all too well.

I kneel over the toilet and press 3 of my fingers together. I open my mouth and push my fingers down my throat. It takes a second but I manage to get somewhere. I start gagging into the toilet which gets my mum's attention. She runs over to where she hears the noise and picks the lock to run and sit down with me. She pulls my fingers out of my mouth, cleans then she holds me, on the cold bathroom floor sobbing. She whispers "it's ok" over and over again trying to make me believe her. But I don't, I can't. How is it all gonna be ok when all I wanna do is die? What am I even here for?

"Baby, you wanna go lay down in my bed?" she asks and I nod. She lifts me up and gaps at how light I am. I lay like a dead weight on her chest as she takes me upstairs to her room. She tucks us both under the sheets and she pulls me close. "It's all gonna be ok y/n, mamas here" she tells me before I drift off.

I woke up the next morning in the same spot, cuddled up against my mum's pillow. Her bed is so comfy I could lay here forever. I manage to weakly get up and make my way downstairs, feeling light headed as I do. My mum walks in from the kitchen and sees me. "Oh morning baby" she smiles and we walk into the kitchen. "baby girl, i made an appointment for tuesday which is in a few days to see a psychologist ok, i think it would be good ok? Not for long just until we can get you healthier" she tells me, i know there's no pushing her so i just nod. "K" I tell her and look down. "Ok great baby, no what would you like to eat?" no please, let me starve, it makes me feel good. She asks me to open the pantry. "Not hungry" she tells me. "Baby girl, it has been almost 6 days since you ate a meal, it's not healthy please" she tells me. "Fruit" I whisper and she nods. "Ok i'll make you fruit and an egg". My head shoots up "No mama please no egg, to much " i tell her tears already approaching my fac.e god why cant i act my age for once, fuck.

"Hey baby it's ok, it's not gonna hurt you ok? It's just gonna give you more freedom" she tells me and i just look at her. "Ok here we go" she pulls our food on the counter. She made the same thing for her, except hers has some toast and an extra egg. "Ok baby here you go" she gives me a fork with a strawberry on it. I take a bite slowly and swallow it carefully. I do that for the rest of the fruit she gave me, dreading eating the egg. Tears still continue to flow as I eat the rest of my meal. "Good job babe, you did absolutely amazing." my mum told me to hug me once we both finished. Feeling gross and disgusted in myself after we go and sit on the couch. My mum puts on gilmore girl, which is our favorite show and throws a blanket over us. "I love you so much y/n, so much baby girl" she whispers to me. Maybe I will be ok.