Taylor swift mother imagines

you feel suicidal

Hey my loves, enjoy!

Ps: please if any of you are struggling with anything like this or anything at all please know that i am here xx i love you all 🫶🏻

TW: suicide, $elf harm & depression

"y/n get out of bed please" my mum calls me from downstairs, probably making breakfast or something, but i'm too tired to get out of bed, too tired to go to school, too tired to do anything. "y/n!" my mum walks into my room, frustrated.

 "Shower. Now." she tells me before closing my door and rushing back downstairs. I sigh, not having energy. I haven't been motivated to do much these past few weeks and I have felt myself slipping from reality, it started with a few cancellations on friends then I started to turn down every invite to go out and didn't leave my room until my mum practically forced me to. 

I hadn't spoken to my friends in weeks. 

I miss them, but I have no energy to do anything, and I feel too drained to have a proper conversation with anyone. I have the slowest shower ever and don't bother with makeup. What's the point? Who is going to look at me today? I tie my hair back and throw on a pair of sweatpants and a white fox jumper. Good enough.

 I Throw my things I'll need for the day in my bag and go downstairs. My head is pounding from having my airpods blasting music in my ears all night and from the lack of food I've had. I'm not sure my mums noticed my personality change recently, but part of me wishes she has but she's been really busy these past few weeks so i'm not sure. 

It's ok though, I tell myself. she doesn't need me to be a bigger burden than I already am. "y/n eat" she passes me a plate with egg, avocado and bacon on it without looking up from her phone. 

"Thanks mom" I gave her a small smile. "Oh honey aren't you gonna be hot in those?" she asks me looking up for a second. I shake my head 'no' she just hums and continues texting someone. "Ok i have to leave now baby, you ok walking to school?" she tells me. I nod again before hugging her. She pulls me off a few seconds later claiming she's 'late'. 

And there I am, left alone again. That's been my life the past few years. Mom's busy with work and doesn't have any time for me. I get it i guess, being a famous singer means a lot of work. I have no other parents or siblings so it's just me. 

I've gotten used to my own company but sometimes it just gets hard. The burns on my arms and legs are a constant reminder that I am a burden and weak. What kind of person cuts themselves when they're mum isn't around? Weak people, that's who. I walk into the school gate and keep to myself . 

I don't like school, not anymore at least. I used to be really good, always getting effortless A's and being ahead of the class, but now, I'm just a burnt out stupid daughter. "y/n" my teacher Miss Marlie asks. I lift my head off the table and look around to see my teacher standing with another woman I haven't really seen before. 

The whole class is silent, doing a test I haven't started nor studied for. She makes a motion for me to go over to her so I drag myself with my bag over to the door. "This is Amanda" she starts. "She is our school counselor, I thought it might be a good idea for you to speak to her today. I just noticed you haven't been yourself alright, love?" Miss Marlie says politely. The counselor, Amanda, was a tall blonde woman with peach heels and a cream shirt.

 She was holding a stack of papers with my name on it and made me feel all levels of uncomfortable. Miss Marlie left and Amanda turned to me. "If you would just follow me now, love" she walks down the school hall quietly. She stops at a room just next to the principal's office and welcomes me in. "So y/n, miss Marlie says you have been struggling with your mental health" she guessed. I nod my head "I guess" I tell her.