Taylor swift mother imagines

she find out you sh (tw)

A/N: BONJOUR BITCH IM BACK HAHAHA. missed yall but i wrote 4 new onshots so feeling good xx ily you all so much and have a fabulous day/night <333

TW: self harm and suicidal thought, please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable x 

my dms or comments are ALWAYS open if you need to talk x 

I hate myself, don't ask me why. I don't have an answer. I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I don't know what I see. I'm fat, ugly, stupid and a million other things. I've got no friends, no one. I'm useless. my mums at the studio right now, i'm still in bed. It's 2:00 pm and I haven't showered yet. all ive been doing i scrolling in instagram, reading comments about myself. 

swiftie13 - ew y/n is so ugly bahaha. 

ICDIWABH4life - pov y/n ruined taylor career. 

taytay - i used to be a tay fan until her dumbass daughter came around. 

invisiblestring89 - how tf does she get to have taylor as a mum girlies fat as fuck 

I can't get out of bed, not even to shower. I know gross, but i've no energy to. why? What's the point? I turn over and my fresh cuts from last night, press on the bed and burn on my skin. God, why did I go so deep? jesus. idiot. the comments circle around in my brain, making it impossible to focus on anything else. I slowly sit out of my bed and walk carefully to the bathroom next to my room. The pain of my cuts and the pit of hunger in my stomach are the only reminders that I'm sadly alive. I wish my mum could see me, help me, and care for me.

She does, my mum loves me. she just doesn't know. I don't blame her. I haven't told anyone. I've gotten so good at hiding my feelings, it's basically second nature to me. Anyway, as I was saying, my mums at the studio. She's re-recording debut. Her first album. I said goodbye to her happily, then crawled back into my bed. I walked into the bathroom and started at myself. Ew. My hair is greasy, my face has broken out so much. god why am i so ugly 

I looked fat in my pjs. I hated everything about myself. I shakily kneeled down and opened a new pack of razors. My mum always keeps the bathroom stocked so she didn't look closely at how many packs I've used. I stood up and sat on the toilet, my hands slightly shaking from how weak I was. I lifted up the blade and made 3 deep slices on my upper arm, blood gushing out. I loved it. I smiled though my tears like I was a physco as I saw the blood running down my bicep. I got a warm cloth from the dryer and wet it, cleaning my arm like nothing ever happened. I went back to my bed, tears approaching as I laid back down exhaust.

A couple hours later I heard the front door open and I heard my mom's footsteps walk in the house. "y/n, baby!" she called out putting her bags down. I really do wish my mum could understand and see me but it's hard I guess. "Hey sweetie" she walks in softly. "Hi mama," I whisper. "Baby can i talk to you please" my heart stops. What does she know? "Sure, what's up?" I slightly shift to sit up, not wanting to hurt the cuts on my arm. She sits down on my bed, thankfully not acknowledging how gross it is.

"How are you, baby?" she asked me. "Fine" I whisper, knowing I would start bawling if I told her anything else. "Are you sure baby?" She looks at me completely unconvinced. "Yep" i told her "we'll baby i know for a fact that you're not doing to we'll, you haven't said more than 2 words to anyone in the last 3 weeks, please tell me baby, i'm here" she told me calmly rubbing my arm. She brushed her hand over one of my cuts, making me jump. "Ow" I hissed, forgetting about them.

"Baby, are you ok?" she asked me about my arms, slowly rubbing them, the burn from my arms and her arm in contact made me cringe in pain. My mum slowly lifted the sleeve of my eras tour jumper, the one I stole from her. My arms are shaking, out of pure fear. I'm sure she already had some idea of what I had done, I was just ashamed. Ashamed that she knew that I couldn't work through my issues normally.

She looked at me reassuringly when she saw tears running down my face. I knew I could fight back, I just didn't have any energy left. I knew it would be good to get help, but I hated it. "Baby whatever it is, it'll be ok alright?" She tried to reassure me but it didn't work. I nod and extend my arm slightly. She finishes rolling my sleeve up and she quietly gasps.

She doesn't care, she's just pretending to, why would anyone care about me. "Oh baby" she pulls me in for a hug. I break down in her arms. Sobbing and sobbing, tears i've been bottling up for weeks and more. She pulls me close, holding my head in her arms. I crawl into her lap, wrapping my arms around her waist. I gasp for air as I sob into her arms. "Oh baby girl, I know I'm so sorry" she whispers in my ear, rockin us back and forth. My airpods still blasting music in then, in an attempt to calm myself down is only making it worse.

"It's gonna be ok baby, i promise" she tells me. "I don't wanna live mama" I tell her and I practically hear her heart shatter. "No baby girl don't you dare say that, you are a strong, amazing, beautiful, funny, loving, caring human being. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You made me the person I am , baby girl, you made me a momma" she tells me in tears, almost begging me to believe her. "I'm so sorry you feel this baby but don't worry baby girl mamas here now, we'll get you feeling good again ok baby" she reassures me as I slowly start to calm down. She rubs my back reassuringly as I fall asleep softly in her arms, feeling more relaxed than ever.

I woke up in my mum's bed, tucked in like I was when I was younger. I felt calm, for the first time in months. Maybe it's because I'm finally gonna get the help you need. I started to slowly wake properly up when I heard my mom's voice coming from outside. "Yep so we'll see you next sunday" I hear my mum talk on the phone, "thank you so much mia, bye bye" she hangs up and i hear her walking back inside.

"Hey bubba" she smiles and walks over to the bed and kisses my forehead. "Hi mumma" I hugged her and pulled her into the bed with me. She laughs and pulls me close. "So baby, i've booked you an appointment with a psychologist on sunday" she tells me softly. "Now I know it might be stressful but I think it's a good idea to have someone other than your friends and me to talk to, yea?" I nod. "If you hate it or for whatever reason don't like it, we don't have to go back ok?" she tells me and I nod, happier now knowing I have a little control in the situation.

"Morning baby" my mums slowly wake me up on Sunday morning, it's about 9:30 and our appointments at 10:45. She's been sleeping with me at night, to keep an eye on me and make sure I'm ok. I tried to sleep on my own the first night and that just ended with a lot of blood and a few new scars. Today I was meeting with my new psychologist, mia. I wasn't too excited, I didn't like talking about my feelings to anyone and I was already uncomfortable talking to my mum about it but she really wanted me to and I felt guilty so I said yes. Once I managed to get out of bed I went to the shower and took a long hot bath. 

My mum had cleared the house of razors, facial razors and any other sharp object I had. I came out of the shower and did my after shower routine. I had to say, the last week has been pretty ok. I managed to eat properly and create healthy habits and also found new ways to manage my emotions. My mum has never complained no one bit,  even though the media is up her ass about where she has been. 

she was susposed to go the VMAS but canceled to look after me. I went down in my outfit which was just a pair of white brandy trackies and a white fox jumper. My mum was making breakfast which was just bacon and egg rolls, which is my favourite. "Hi baby, aw you look so cute" she tells me which makes me smile. "Aw, I missed that smile" She told me as I went over to hug her. "I love you so much mama"