Crowned With Crime

Life is a never-ending battle

Being a boss is like being a general. You have to know how to give orders, predict the enemy's movements, know when to sacrifice a soldier to achieve the objective, know how to give carrots and use the stick. But personally, I don't like the taste of carrots.

A beautiful morning rises over the city of Lyubeck. Business is good, the machine is well-oiled, and the mine provides us with materials. The perfect time for a morning duel. I've trained a bit since the last time. Now, I handle the weapon a bit better.

Duels have become a formality for me now. It's always a nice way to legally hurt people who piss me off. I turned 120 this year. The bishop says I'm a witch and need to be burned, and that was before I burned down his church. 

And not just that. Fire is a wonderful invention. It wipes away all our worries. Like this house, for example. It's a workshop of the family I-don't-remember-what, which competes with one of my businesses. Of course, since I'm the queen, it's illegal to burn down people's houses. But the city guard is under my orders, and I tell them to look the other way.

As for the rest of the kingdom's guards, there aren't enough of them, and they're not paid enough to die for this. Besides, they're no match for the equipment my men have. Oh, well done, congratulations, we reduce spending, fewer and fewer public servants, and here's the result. Now, the city is ruled by a gang of lunatics, led by a psychopath: me.

They can't protect the businesses. Look at all these people in this house. "Oh dear, we must be suffocating in this house. Burn it down."

Bunch of softies. A small bomb under the window, and everyone rushes to get something to extinguish the fire. Well, too bad for them that my guards are waiting just outside for the welcoming committee.

Oh, come on. Don't look at me with those eyes. It's the law of the jungle here. If a simple bomb was enough to scare them, then they weren't ready for the world of entrepreneurship.

That being said, all this violence has had an unexpected effect. Would you believe that most of my enemies now want to make peace with me? Of course, I still have enemies, but they're becoming rare. Now, the worst of my enemies will just try to ignore me.It's crazy, huh? We've been massacring their families for two hundred years, and now they want to become our friends. Hmmm, it just goes to show that threats and murder are the keys to diplomacy.

Look at this guy. He wrote me a poem, even though I killed his wife just 24 hours ago. Is he trying to charm me? Hey, I'm 120 years old, what is this guy?

I'm the queen of the city, my family is well-positioned, and all my enemies want to be my friends. So, does that mean I've won? Is it over? It's strange, isn't it? I thought all of this would end in a sea of flames and blood, with a battle on top of a burning church. And instead, a truce? That's... it? Well, if that's how it's going to end, so be it.

I've decided to organize a grand banquet with all my new... "friends." Pfft, my friends, yeah right. These worms are just too scared to confront me and choose to run away.This banquet will be my final triumph. I'm sparing no expense: the best dishes, the finest wines from the region, and all the elite will be there, with all my "friends," even the few who still dare to resist me. The triumph of the Linderberg family is complete. As for those who still dare resist me, well, let them die.

Every house outside the city limits is systematically attacked and destroyed. And, of course, as usual, the city guards turn a blind eye to my little bomb setters.

Make no mistake, I'm not stealing their houses. I'm just taking their houses to destroy them afterward. Hey, listen, I might be a psychopath, but I'm not a thief.

 Besides, the plan is working pretty well. After clearing out all the surroundings of Lyubeck, I send the troops to the nearby towns. There's a whole dynasty of I-don't-remember-what that had gathered in a tavern.

People are so predictable. You start by burning down their house, then they call the guards, and bam, another rival guild bites the dust. Always more war. Honestly, life is just life is a never-ending fight.

But if I'm going to leave this world, I need to leave my mark somewhere. Remember my church project? Lyubeck has always been a Protestant city. You see those churches? So, I thought: what if I created my own church with my own values? I mean, the Bible is just a book that did really well. What if, in 1000 years, people thought I was the Messiah?

So, I started building my church. In 1000 years, when we finally get to Mars, what will we call it, um... I'm not sure... Oh, in the meantime, my hair has turned white again, and I'm starting to feel a bit tired. It must be the stress. It's nothing.

 Burning houses every day is exhausting. My soldiers continue to spread chaos and desolation in the surrounding countryside: houses, farms, towers, I burn everything. Well, not really. Now that I have my church, I don't burn anymore; I purge heresy. It's not the same thing.

Oh yes, because in the end, we need a little love in this brutal world, my son Charles has finally found a wife. About time, he's 35. At his age, I was already a grandmother.

He's a clever one. He found his wife among the staff. You have to understand, she couldn't say no, with the job crisis and all that.

I've been wandering this earth for 125 years, and I think I've managed to steer my ship well. Grandpa only left me a few stores, and now look, i control almost the entire region. My enemies fear me so much that they've become my friends.

Ah, I think I'll have to leave you now memorialist. The guests are starting to arrive, and we're about to start the banquet, I suppose. I'm feeling a bit tired, I'll go lie down for a bit before the guests arrive. It's going to be a big moment, a huge night we won't forget anytime soon. And tomorrow, I've got two duels scheduled. I also need to embezzle some money and purge some heretics. Oh my, it's tough being a queen, you know.