Patience Heart

A Night of Confessions

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my fingers trembling as I attempt to smooth out the creases in my dress. It's a simple dress, one that I used to wear on better days, but tonight it feels heavy. The fabric clings to my body, reminding me of all the changes I've endured, both physically and emotionally. My eyes, hollow and sorrowful, betray the facade I'm trying so hard to maintain. No amount of makeup can conceal the turmoil raging inside me.

Tonight, I've decided to meet Adam. After weeks of avoiding his calls, ignoring his texts, and pushing him away, I finally agreed to see him. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm tired of running, or maybe it's because I need to confide in someone, anyone, about the nightmare I've been living.

The restaurant we chose is in Senopati, a quiet place with a calm ambiance that used to feel comforting. Tonight, it feels like a foreign land. As I step inside, the soft hum of conversation and the clinking of silverware only heighten my anxiety. I spot Adam almost immediately. He's sitting at a corner table, looking as composed as ever, but there's a hint of worry in his eyes as he spots me.

"Viola," he whispers, standing up as I approach. His arms open, and before I can stop him, he pulls me into a hug. The warmth of his embrace contrasts sharply with the coldness I feel inside. I try to keep my composure, but the dam breaks. Tears that I've been holding back for days spill out, and I can't stop them. I bury my face in his chest, letting the sobs wrack my body.

For a moment, Adam doesn't say anything. He just holds me, his hands gently stroking my back, offering the comfort I desperately crave but don't feel I deserve.

When I finally pull away, I see the shock on his face. He's noticed the weight I've lost, the shadows under my eyes, the frailty I've tried so hard to hide. He doesn't ask right away, though. Instead, he gestures to the seat across from him, and I sit down, trying to compose myself.

"What happened, Viola?" His voice is gentle, but there's an undercurrent of concern that makes my stomach twist. "You've been avoiding me for weeks. You look...different. Are you okay?"

I can't look him in the eyes. Not yet. My hands fidget with the napkin in my lap as I try to find the words. How do you tell someone that your world has fallen apart in a single night? That the person you once were is now a ghost?

"I... I did something, Adam," I begin, my voice barely above a whisper. "Something I didn't plan, something that wasn't supposed to happen. And now, I don't know how to live with it."

His brow furrows in confusion, and I see the worry deepen. "What do you mean? Viola, whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here for you."

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking hands. "You remember when I told you that we couldn't be together? That I needed space, time to figure things out?"

Adam nods slowly, his gaze never leaving mine.

"I met someone, Adam. His name is Damian." The name feels like poison on my tongue. "It wasn't supposed to be anything serious. Just... a distraction, I guess. But then one night... one night, everything went wrong. We were drinking, and I... I slept with him."

Adam's face goes pale, and I can see the shock and hurt flicker across his features. He doesn't speak, though, allowing me to continue.

"It was my first time," I admit, my voice cracking with emotion. "And I barely remember it. I was so drunk, Adam. I never wanted it to happen like that. It wasn't how I imagined it would be. It wasn't supposed to be with someone like Damian, and now... now I'm terrified."

"T-Terrified of what?" Adam asks, his voice unsteady, as if he's bracing himself for the worst.

"Of everything!" I cry out, my emotions spiraling out of control. "Of what it means, of what I've done, of what could happen. I keep thinking, 'What if I'm pregnant? What if I've ruined everything?' I grew up with these traditional values, Adam. My mother, my family... they'll never forgive me for this. And I can't forgive myself either."

The anguish in my voice is palpable, and I can see Adam struggling to find the right words. His hands are clenched into fists on the table, but his eyes... his eyes are filled with a mixture of hurt and concern.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Adam. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just... I didn't know how to cope, how to deal with all the pain I was feeling. And now, I've made everything worse."

Adam finally speaks, his voice tight with emotion. "Viola, I don't care about Damian. I don't care about any of that. All I care about is you. If you're scared, if you're in pain, I want to help you. But you have to let me in. You can't keep pushing me away."

His words hit me like a tidal wave, and I feel a fresh surge of guilt. Adam has always been persistent, always trying to be there for me even when I didn't want him to be. But I don't know if I can let him in, not after everything that's happened.

"I don't deserve your help, Adam," I whisper, my voice barely audible. "I've made too many mistakes. I've ruined everything."

He reaches across the table, taking my trembling hands in his. "You're not ruined, Viola. You're human. We all make mistakes. But that doesn't mean you have to go through this alone. Let me help you. Please."

His words are sincere, and for a moment, I want to believe him. I want to believe that everything can be fixed, that the darkness inside me can be healed. But the fear is too strong, the guilt too overwhelming.

"I... I don't know if I can," I admit, tears streaming down my face. "I'm so scared, Adam. I don't know what to do."

Adam squeezes my hands, his gaze unwavering. "Then let's figure it out together. Whatever happens, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

The sincerity in his voice, the determination in his eyes, it shakes something loose inside me. For the first time in weeks, I feel a glimmer of hope, a tiny spark of light in the darkness. Maybe, just maybe, I don't have to face this alone.

But as I sit there, holding onto Adam's hands like a lifeline, I can't help but wonder if I'm truly ready to let him in. The road ahead is uncertain, and the fear still lingers, but for now, I'm willing to take a step forward, even if it's just a small one.

As we leave the restaurant that night, Adam wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. The weight of my confession still hangs in the air, but for now, I find solace in the fact that I'm not alone.