Patience Heart

My Sacrifice

All my stuff is packed now. I'm ready to go. Ready to leave behind all the memories at Chattame. It feels surreal, a mix of relief and heaviness. This place, with its laughter and tears, has been my refuge and my prison. I take one last look around my office, trying to imprint every detail in my mind before stepping out into the unknown.

I knock on Mathias's workspace. "Mathias..."

"Come on, Ellie," he replies, a teasing smile playing on his lips. We've been on a first-name basis for quite a while now, and it feels good, a reminder that I've made connections here, even amidst the chaos.

I walk toward him, heart pounding, and hand him an envelope. The weight of it feels significant, like it carries my hopes and regrets.

"What is this?" he asks, his brow furrowing as he opens it.

Inside is a one-way ticket to China, addressed to "Karina Gunawan," with a date for next month. I've also included two addresses: one for a place to stay in Shenzhen, arranged by Mathias, and the other for Adam's office.

Before he has a chance to say anything, I plead, "Please help her, Mathias. Please give her this."

He looks at me, concern etched across his face. "Viola..."

"Maybe it's for the best," I interject, my voice quivering. "Do you know Adam once proposed to her?" The words tumble out before I can stop them, the memories surfacing like a tide threatening to drown me.

Mathias gets up from his chair, wrapping his arms around me. I melt into the embrace, tears streaming down my face. I feel helpless, but deep down, I believe if Adam really meant for me, he would find a way to reach me again.

After everything he's done for me, helping me when I was at my lowest, this is my way to repay him. I know now that it wasn't me who helped him recover from his downfall; it was her. It was Karina.

The rain starts to patter softly against the window, a rhythmic sound that matches my heartbeat. It's a fitting backdrop for my departure. That night, as I get ready to leave, the lobby is quiet, the usual hustle and bustle replaced by an eerie stillness. Most employees have already gone home, leaving the air thick with anticipation and sadness.

I spot Karina still waiting, her figure small and vulnerable. Mathias approaches her, and I can't hear their conversation, but I watch as he hands her the ticket. When she opens it, her reaction is immediate. A scream escapes her lips, pure joy mixed with disbelief. From a distance, I see her hug Mathias tightly, her tears flowing freely. Happy tears. She bows to him several times, overwhelmed with gratitude.

My heart sinks. Watching them from the shadows, I feel an unbearable pain swell within me, a crushing weight that makes it hard to breathe. I quickly turn away, desperate to escape the sight of Karina's joy, the pure happiness etched on her face. It feels like a knife twisting in my chest. Each step toward the parking lot tightens my throat, my chest constricting as if the world itself is trying to suffocate me.

The rain is pouring down now, heavy and relentless, drenching everything in sight. I don't bother with an umbrella. Instead, I let the rain wash over me, each drop a reminder of what I'm leaving behind—my dreams, my hopes, the life I thought I could build with Adam. The cold water mingles with my tears, blurring the line between sorrow and the cleansing power of the rain.As I walk, the sound of the rain becomes a backdrop for my thoughts, a rhythmic reminder of my heartache. Each splash against the pavement echoes my regrets, drowning out any lingering whispers of optimism. I want to scream, to cry out my frustration at the universe for how cruel it can be, but instead, I let the storm consume my silence.As I stand in front of my car, about to open the door, the weight of everything crashes over me. Suddenly, I crouch down in front of my car, my body trembling as sobs escape my lips. One hand clutches the door, while the other presses against my chest, as if trying to hold my heart in place. The sound of thunder rumbles overhead, a chaotic symphony that perfectly matches the turmoil within me. I'm alone in this storm, both inside and out, and it feels like I'm being swallowed by darkness.

As I sit there, vulnerable and exposed, I feel a presence beside me. Mathias appears, holding an umbrella over me, a beacon of light in my stormy world. He stands there quietly, letting me release my pain. His silent support wraps around me like a warm blanket, offering solace even in my darkest moment.

"Ellie," he finally says, his voice gentle, "you don't have to go through this alone."

I look up, and for the first time, I see the concern etched in his features. His brow is furrowed, his eyes filled with a mix of empathy and understanding. "I don't know how to let go," I whisper, the words barely audible above the rain. "I wanted a future with him, and now I feel like I'm losing everything."

Mathias doesn't respond immediately. Instead, he crouches down to my level, his gaze steady and reassuring. "Sometimes letting go is the hardest fight of all, Ellie. You did what you thought was best for both of you."

But did I? The uncertainty gnaws at me, a relentless beast that won't let go. I can feel the bitter taste of regret on my tongue, a constant reminder of choices made and paths not taken.

"I just wanted us to be happy," I say, my voice trembling. "I wanted a family. I wanted to be with him." The words spill out, raw and unfiltered, revealing the depth of my longing.

Mathias reaches out, placing a hand on my shoulder, a reassuring touch that sends a shiver down my spine. "You still can, in a way. If it's meant to be, things will find a way to work out. You have to believe that."

I nod, but the doubt lingers like a dark cloud. "And what if it doesn't? What if he's moved on? What if I'm just... forgotten?" The fear is suffocating, wrapping around me like a vise, tightening with every thought.

"He won't forget you. You've left a mark on his heart, just as he has on yours," he reassures me, his voice firm yet gentle. "And if it's meant to be, things will find a way to work out."

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself, feeling the rain gradually lessen. The storm is slowly giving way to a gentle drizzle, mirroring the softening of my heart. Mathias's words wrap around me, offering a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness.

"I just don't want to lose him," I confess, the vulnerability spilling out as I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't want to lose what could have been." Each word feels heavy, like a stone dropped into a still pond, rippling through my thoughts.

Mathias leans closer, his voice low and steady. "You have to remember that sometimes love means letting go. Maybe this is the step you both need to take, even if it hurts now." His eyes are filled with an understanding that makes me feel seen, truly seen for the first time.

I look up at him, searching for answers in his gaze. "Do you really think he'll find me again?"

"I believe that if it's meant to be, he will. Just like Karina is trying to find her way back to him now," he replies, his tone soothing, like a balm to my wounded heart.

The thought lingers in the air, heavy and bittersweet. I want to believe him, but the fear of the unknown looms large, like an ominous shadow threatening to engulf me. I take a deep breath, trying to gather my scattered thoughts and piece together what I truly want.

"Thank you, Mathias," I say finally, my voice stronger now, imbued with a newfound determination. "For everything. I don't know how I would have made it through this without you." The gratitude wells up within me, an acknowledgment of the support I've often taken for granted.

He smiles softly, a warmth radiating from him that feels like sunshine breaking through the clouds. "You're never alone, Ellie. Remember that." His words resonate deep within me, a reminder that there's strength in vulnerability and power in connection.

As the last remnants of the storm pass, I rise to my feet, feeling a sense of clarity beginning to settle within me. Maybe it's time to embrace the uncertainty and see where this journey takes me. I'll carry the memories of Chattame with me, but I also need to make room for what's next.

I take one last look at the building, feeling a mix of nostalgia and hope. The laughter, the struggles, the friendships forged—it's all a part of who I am now. But it's time to turn the page, to start a new chapter.

I get into my car, my heart still heavy but a little lighter. With each passing moment, I feel the weight of my past lifting, making way for the possibilities that lie ahead. As I turn the key in the ignition, I realize that whatever comes next, I am ready to face it.

With Mathias's words echoing in my mind, I pull out of the parking lot and into the rain-slicked road, ready to embrace the unknown.