Patience Heart

Telling Anna All - Part 1

The dim glow of my phone's screen was the only light in my room as I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at Anna's name. She was thousands of miles away in Toronto, living a life I once thought was far removed from mine. Yet here I was, holding onto a secret so heavy that I couldn't carry it alone anymore. My thumb hovered over the call button, my heart pounding in my chest. How was I going to tell her everything? How could I explain all the mistakes I'd made, the lies I'd told, and the mess I'd created?

But if there was anyone who could understand, who could see past the chaos and still love me, it was Anna. My best friend since childhood, my confidante, my sister in every way but blood. We'd been through so much together—her abusive marriage, the painful divorce, the night we packed her bags and I watched her leave Indonesia for good, running away from the wreckage of her past. And now, it was my turn to confess everything.

With a deep breath, I pressed the call button. The phone rang once, twice, and then her familiar voice filled my ears, sounding slightly breathless. "Vi? Is everything okay?"

The concern in her tone was immediate, and it made the knot in my stomach tighten. She knew me too well.

"Hey, Anna," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, I'm... I'm okay. Just... I need to talk to you about something."

There was a pause on the other end, and I could almost hear her mind working, sensing that this wasn't just a casual chat. "Of course. What's going on?"

I swallowed hard, closing my eyes as I prepared myself. "I... I've been keeping something from you. Something big. And I'm sorry, Anna. I didn't want to burden you with it, but... I can't keep it to myself anymore."

Another silence, this one heavier, and then Anna's voice came through, quieter now. "Vi, whatever it is, you know you can tell me. We don't keep secrets from each other, remember?"

I let out a shaky breath, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "I know. And I'm sorry. I just... I didn't want to make things harder for you. After everything you've been through, I didn't want to add more to your plate."

"Viola," she said, her voice firm but gentle. "You're my best friend. We've been through hell and back together. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. Don't ever think you're a burden. Now tell me what's going on."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me, and then I started talking. I told her everything—about the one-night stand with Damian, how it had been a whirlwind of emotions and passion, how I'd fallen into it without thinking. I told her about the night that changed everything, the moment I realized I was pregnant, and how I'd panicked, not knowing what to do. I explained how I'd reached out to Adam, how he'd offered to marry me, and how I'd accepted because it seemed like the only way out. I confessed that I hadn't even told him about Damian until recently, and how guilty I felt for dragging Adam into this mess.

As the words poured out, I could hear Anna's breathing on the other end, slow and steady. She didn't interrupt, didn't ask questions—she just listened, the way she always had. But when I finally finished, the silence that followed was unbearable.

"Anna?" I whispered, my voice trembling. "Are you... are you still there?"

"I'm here," she said, her voice low. "I'm just... processing everything."

I bit my lip, the tears I'd been holding back now slipping down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Anna. I should've told you sooner. I just... I didn't want to make things worse for you."

There was a long pause, and then I heard her take a deep breath. "Vi, I'm not angry at you. Well, maybe a little," she added with a slight edge in her voice. "But more than anything, I'm just... sad. Sad that you felt like you had to go through all of this alone. You've always been the strong one, the one who carries everyone else's problems. But you don't have to do that with me. You're allowed to lean on me too, you know."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I let out a choked sob. "I just... I didn't want to burden you. After everything you've been through..."

Anna sighed, her voice softening. "Vi, I've been through a lot, yeah. But that doesn't mean I can't be here for you. You were there for me when I needed you most. You stood by me through the worst of it. And now, it's my turn. You're my best friend. My sister. You don't get to push me away just because you're scared."

I wiped at my tears, nodding even though she couldn't see me. "I'm scared, Anna. I'm so scared. I don't know what I'm doing, or if I'm making the right choices. I just... I don't want to mess everything up."

"You won't," she said firmly. "You're stronger than you think, Vi. You always have been. And whatever happens, we'll figure it out together. Just like we always do."

Her words were like a balm to my wounded heart, and I felt some of the tension ease from my shoulders. "I wish you were here," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "I wish I could just... hug you right now."

"Me too," Anna said, her voice cracking slightly. "God, I miss you, Vi. I hate that I'm so far away when you need me."

There was a moment of shared silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts, in the memories of all the times we'd been there for each other, side by side. And now, with an ocean between us, it felt like the distance had never been greater.

"Anna," I said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just... I didn't want to add to your problems."

"You're not a problem," she replied, her voice firm. "You're never a problem, Vi. You're my family. And family doesn't let each other go through things alone."

I nodded, a fresh wave of tears streaming down my face. "I love you, Anna. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I love you too, Vi," she whispered. "And I'm here for you. No matter what. Even if I'm halfway across the world, I'm always here."

The weight of her words settled over me, filling me with a sense of comfort I hadn't felt in a long time. Despite the mess I was in, despite the uncertainty of the future, I knew I wasn't alone. I had Anna, my rock, my anchor, and together, we'd face whatever came our way.

We spent the next few minutes just talking, reminiscing about the good times, the funny moments we'd shared over the years. It was a reminder of the bond we had, a bond that distance couldn't break. But as the conversation wound down, I could sense that Anna still had something on her mind.

"Vi," she said hesitantly, "what are you going to do now? About the wedding? About... everything?"

I let out a long sigh, the weight of the decision pressing down on me once more. "I don't know," I admitted. "I'm going to marry Adam. That's... that's the plan, at least. But I'm not sure about the rest. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time."

Anna was quiet for a moment, and then she spoke, her voice laced with concern. "Just promise me one thing, Vi. Promise me that you won't lose yourself in all of this. I've seen you put others first your whole life, and I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of doing what's 'right'."

Her words echoed in my mind, and I knew she was right. But how could I promise that when I wasn't even sure what happiness looked like for me anymore?

"I'll try," I said softly. "I promise I'll try."

"That's all I can ask," she replied, her voice gentle. "And remember, I'm just a phone call away. Anytime you need to talk, or vent, or just cry—call me."

I smiled through my tears, feeling a surge of gratitude for having someone like Anna in my life. "I will. Thank you, Anna. For everything."

"Always, Vi," she said. "Always."

As we said our goodbyes and ended the call, I sat in the darkness of my room, the silence enveloping me. But this time, it didn't feel as suffocating as before. Anna's words lingered in the air, a reminder that no matter how lost I felt, I wasn't alone. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough to keep me going.