Patience Heart

Adam's New Life

Adam's POV

I sit at the kitchen table, staring at my cup of coffee, trying to clear my mind. The house is quiet, way too quiet. It's been three years since I left Jakarta and moved here to Fremont. Three years in this house I bought with the money I had been saving for a life I thought I'd be sharing with Viola. A life I had imagined for us in Frankfurt, but all of that disappeared the moment she did.

Four years have passed since the divorce, and though I try not to dwell on it, the memories of Viola still creep in, no matter how far I run. I thought leaving Jakarta would help, that maybe the distance would provide some relief, but even here in Fremont, thousands of miles away, it feels like her ghost is still haunting me. It's as if the guilt and regret are shadows that follow me everywhere, reminding me of what I lost and what I could have done differently.

That time I had to leave Jakarta felt like a desperate escape from my own personal hell. The city had become unbearable, every street and every corner steeped in memories of Viola. The cafes we used to frequent, the parks where we once walked hand-in-hand discussing our future—everything was a painful reminder of what I had lost.

I was so broken. No matter how much I've tried to move on, to throw myself into work, it's like a part of me was left behind the day she walked out of my life. I worked myself to the bone, practically lived at the office, trying to drown out the memories. I thought if I stayed busy enough, if I exhausted myself completely, maybe—just maybe—I could forget her. But it didn't work. It got so bad that I ended up in the hospital. One month hooked up to IVs, doctors telling me I was overworked, malnourished, and mentally drained. And there I was, still convincing myself that work was the right thing to focus on, that I could bury my pain under meetings and deadlines.

I remember one day, walking down a familiar street, and I saw her. Or at least, I thought I did. It was a fleeting glimpse of someone who looked just like Viola from behind. My heart raced, hope flaring up, and I chased after her, calling her name. But when she turned around, it was a stranger, just a person who bore a passing resemblance. That moment was my breaking point. I felt like I was losing my grip on reality, seeing Viola in everyone and everything. It was as if her ghost was haunting me, not just in my memories but in every corner of my life.

But who was I kidding? Losing Viola destroyed me, and no amount of work or distractions could fix that.

I keep blaming myself for what happened. There were so many "if only" moments that haunt me, that replay in my head when I lie awake at night. If only I had fought harder. If only I had told her how much I wanted her to stay. If only I hadn't been such a coward. If only I had seen the signs earlier, known how deeply she was hurting. If only I had stood up to her mother, pushed back when they decided to send her away.

If only I had loved her better.

I thought agreeing to send her to Frankfurt was protecting her, keeping her safe, but all it did was push her further away. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I'm still paying for it every single day. When I look at myself now, I barely recognize the person I've become. I'm a shell of who I was with her—just this guy who grinds away at work, goes home, and repeats the same routine, trying to forget but never really succeeding.

That's when Kevin introduced me to Karina. She was... different. Young, wild, and full of life. The exact opposite of the quiet, steady life I had with Viola. At first, being with her was a distraction. A much-needed one. We've been together for almost two years now, and I guess you could say she's been the medicine to my broken heart. But there's something missing.

Karina's fun. She's wild, unpredictable, and our sex life? Let's just say it's amazing. Her youthful passion has opened up so many new experiences, and she brings a vibrant energy that keeps things exciting. But there's this growing feeling inside me, like I'm forcing something that doesn't quite fit.

Karina loves to party, stay out late, and be surrounded by people. She thrives on this rollercoaster lifestyle, while I find solace in quiet evenings at home, reading a book, or just relaxing. The more I try to keep up with her, the more exhausted I feel.

And I think she's starting to sense it too. Lately, she's been complaining that I'm boring, that I'm always too wrapped up in work. She says I'm not the same guy I was when we first got together. And maybe she's right. I've tried to adapt, to be the person she wants me to be, but it's like I'm running on empty. The more I push myself to match her pace, the more I lose sight of who I am—and it's taking a toll on us both.

I glance at my phone. Karina's calling. We're supposed to be heading to San Francisco tonight. She suggested we take a few days off, go on a holiday to fix what's falling apart between us. She's convinced that a change of scenery, some time away from work and daily stress, will help mend our relationship. I agreed, though deep down, I'm not sure it's going to work.

But I want this to work. I want to be happy with Karina, to find some sort of peace in this life I've built without Viola. I'm trying to shake off the feeling that I'm just going through the motions. Karina wants more than I can give right now, and maybe I'm not being fair to her by staying. She deserves someone who can match her energy, someone who's fully present in the relationship, not someone still haunted by the ghost of his past.

As I hit the green button to answer, I can't shake the uncertainty that's been gnawing at me. I don't know if I'm the problem, or if we were never really meant to be in the first place. It feels like we're grasping at straws, trying to salvage something that might be beyond repair. But I owe it to both of us to at least try.

I hear Karina's voice through the phone, and her impatience is palpable. "Babe, hurry up! I've been waiting like forever in the car!" Her frustration is clear, and I can tell she's not in the mood for any more delays.

"I'm almost done," I reply, hastily stuffing a couple more shirts into my suitcase. "Just putting the last few things in the bag."

"Well, hurry up!" she insists. "I'm freezing out here, and I want to get to San Francisco before it gets too late. I've been looking forward to this trip for weeks."

"I know, I know. I'll be there in ten minutes," I assure her, trying to sound calm despite the pressure. "Just hang tight."

"Babe, please don't make me wait. It's already late, and I don't want to waste any more time," she says, clearly agitated.

"I'm coming, Karina," I say, grabbing the last of my things and zipping up the suitcase. "I'm on my way. I promise."

I hang up and take a deep breath, glancing around at the chaos of my half-packed room. I need to get my act together and make this trip work, both for Karina's sake and for my own. As I grab the suitcase and head for the door, I can't shake the feeling that this trip might be our last chance to make things right.

Can I really move forward with Karina when a part of me is still stuck in the past with Viola?

I zip up the suitcase and grab my keys. Time to go. Karina's already waiting for me, probably scrolling through her phone, planning the next party or event she wants to drag me to. I know I should be excited, but I'm not. This trip feels like a Band-Aid for a wound that's too deep to heal.

I step outside and lock the door behind me. The sun is shining, and the air feels crisp. It's a beautiful day for a holiday, but all I can think about is how long I've been trying to fix something inside me that's been broken for far too long.