TW- for SUICIDE. Please do not read if you are not in the right headspace for this.
How does one cope with death?
Drugs? Crying? Alcohol? All three?
I don't really know. I've loss my mom and it sucked, but this one hits harder. This was my best fri...
*This is the photo I took walking down the hall to where you are.*
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We made it out of the gift shop a without anything for you. We decided to find where you were on our own. We knew you were in the ICU that was about it. We followed the signs to there and to the waiting room. We walked in and sat down. There was family there, your CR leader ( I believe she was the leader) and a few people who I knew that didnt know me. I saw your brother, he looked rough as he lead people to your room. I wanted to hug him and give him love, but I knew it would probably hurt more at the moment than seeing you. So I stayed where I was and let the others go before me because I was still scared to see you. We all talked and laughed and shared a few stories about you and your goofy antics. They all left the room to go smoke and to give your brother a break from the whole showing people to your room. When they came back and they were talking. They looked at me and your aunt said it's going to be extremely hard on that one right there and she pointed at me. She looked at me and said no one here will be upset or mad at you if you choose to not see her, everyone agreed with her. The CR lady came up with an idea for me to write a note for you that they read you or send a voice message to you and they play it for you. I asked to think about it as I wasn't sure yet. It's been 30 mins of me sitting there playing with our BFF ring. I was nervous and scared. The person who went before me came back and your brother asked if I was ready. I said no and smiled weakly. I asked my niece to go in with me. Your brother gave us the directions to the room. Hand in hand, we walked into the ICU. The area fell silent and the nurse gave me weak smiles. I think they knew who I was there to see, I think they could tell this wasn't easy for any of us. I stood outside your door for a good 3 minutes to get the nerve to go into the room. I locked eyes with a male nurse and he nodded and smiled weakly and so I walked in. There you are Lizard. Laying there, machines breathing for you. First I just sat there watching your face for any reaction. I knew there wasn't going to be one, but I wanted to make sure. I sat there for a good 10 to 15 minutes before I spoke. "You did it kiddo."
