The Only Star Of My Sky 💫

The agony that drowned me

Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I must have done something wrong. Bear seems so distant, and I can’t help but wonder if he no longer loves me. He’s the only person who truly cares for me, and I can't bear the thought of losing him. I don’t think I could live without him.

It's not that we don't spend time together. I understand our relationship needs to be a secret, but it’s incredibly painful when he ignores me while being friendly with everyone else. He doesn't even act like any other friend , but Lately, he’s even started to join in when others mock me, laughing along. The growing pain is becoming unbearable.

"Babe, what do you expect me to do? Talk affectionately in front of everyone so they’ll discover our secret?" Bear’s voice was sharp.

"No, that’s not what I mean. It just really hurts when you ignore me and laugh at me . Could you at least treat me with the same respect you show others?"

Bear has a lot of insecurities, and sometimes he becomes volatile. When he’s frustrated or angry, he takes it out on me. I’ve become a target for his outbursts—the side of him he hides from everyone else. I only want to comfort him and make him happy, no matter what it takes. He is the only person I have, and my soul craves the love and care that I’ve never received from anyone else.

Bear loves me, and I understand that sometimes he needs to release his frustrations. I’ve convinced myself that it’s okay if he takes his anger out on me—it’s just a slap, after all. As his partner, it's my duty to make him happy.

It’s also normal, isn’t it, for us to make love even if I’m not always ready? I just need to be patient; things will get better with time.

Bear occasionally surprises me with my favorite flowers, even though I’m allergic to pollen. He brings my favorite food too. His gestures are romantic, and I appreciate his efforts to surprise me.

"You’re so beautiful, Dunk," he says. "I’m addicted to your lips. I love you so much—please, don’t ever leave me."

I can’t help but blush. "Where would I go? I love you more than anyone else in the world. I’m incredibly lucky to have you."

Yes, sometimes Bear gets a bit aggressive, but I know it’s because he loves me deeply. I should understand him better than anyone else.

They say love makes people blind, and maybe it’s true. Despite the warning signs that occasionally flash in my mind, I convince myself that I am happily in love.

One day, when I went to pick up food for us at a restaurant, I saw Bear sitting with his friends. My heart shattered as I witnessed something that made my world crumble. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face, making it hard to breathe. I stumbled outside, barely able to stand.

Bear was holding hands with a girl—intimately, not just as friends. They looked deeply connected, and then Bear kissed her. The sight was unbearable.

Red, one of Bear’s friends, teased, "You’re so lucky, Bear. She’s stunning. You’ve got quite a catch."

So you guys have been together for two years. Congrats, man,” Lak said, tossing his glass toward Bear and the girl.

I stumbled out of the restaurant, not really knowing where I was going. The rain hit me hard, soaking me through as I found myself sitting by the river. It felt like the sky was crying with me, the cold rain being my only company and comfort on that dark night.

As dawn approached, I finally regained my senses and dragged myself back to the dorm. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep almost instantly.

The next three days were a blur of fever and pain. The betrayal wasn’t just an emotional wound; it had taken a physical toll. I felt suffocated, my heart clenched tightly in my chest, and the pain was so intense that I wished for death rather than enduring it. No words could truly capture the depth of my suffering.

My mind throbbed, my heart felt rigid, and breathing became a struggle. My energy waned, my soul seemed ready to abandon my exhausted body. My face was swollen from crying, and my throat was hoarse , my voice nearly gone. I sank to the cold floor, my head bowed in despair. Would I survive this? Did I deserve such torment?

Bear had claimed he was in a relationship with that girl for two years—so what was I to him? Weren't we dating? He said he loved me, that I was his only love, that we’d always be together. Was it all just a game to him? Was he simply toying with my feelings and my fragile heart?

They say people go to heaven or hell based on their deeds, but why was I experiencing my own personal hell when I had done nothing wrong? The betrayal felt like a relentless fire burning me alive, tearing my soul apart.

I needed someone to confide in, someone to listen and comfort me. In that moment, I realized I had no one—no one to share my pain with, no one to call my own. Despite having parents, friends, and siblings, I felt utterly alone in this vast world.

The agony was overwhelming. Would I be able to endure it?

In my quest to love you and make you happy, I had lost myself. No one else is to blame for my suffering; I ignored my own feelings and happiness in my effort to make you smile. How could I expect others to care for my fragile heart when I had poisoned it myself with the slow toxin called - love!

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Thank you for reading. Let me know your thoughts about this chapter in the comments ☺️