Word count: 90,179'
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"Oh my sweet angel, did you really think I was going to give it to you so easily? Anyways, when I let you cum, it's going to be from my cock, not my fingers."
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After Papa had finished telling them everything I had told him their reactions broke my heart for different reasons, Niki looked absolutely destroyed, he couldn't hold in his emotions.
Ally was different his face never showed an inch of emotion, but he was pissed, well pissed is an understatement. I watched as he stopped leaning against the wall and walked over to me, Papa had finished wrapping my wrist he kissed me on the head and said he had to go to bed cause he had a meeting tomorrow morning, I think seeing me just upset him too much to look at me any longer.
Ally came up to me and cupped my face with his hands, his eyes looked into mine for what felt like forever before he finally let out a deep breath, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead "Мне нужно успокоиться, прежде чем говорить. Я тебя люблю. (I need to calm down before I speak. I love you)" He whispers before walking away, I didn't even have the chance to tell him that I loved him too.
I told Papa on the plane that I loved him, it was the first time I had said it since I was brought back, I'm shaken from my thoughts as Niki approached me.
He opens his mouth to speak before shutting it quickly as if he's not sure what to say, I don't blame him, tonight's events have been heavy and chaotic, I'm not even sure the words best therapist would know what to say at this given time.
He takes a deep breath, I wait for him to tell me I'm a disappointment or how he can't stand to look at me or something but he doesn't.
"Want to have a sleepover?" He asks, it's not even close to what I thought he was going to say, I thought he was going to leave too. Truth is I didn't want to spend the rest of the night alone, so I nodded my head, this seemed to cheer him up slightly as he showed me a tiny smile.
he hums to himself before nodding at me, silently telling me to get off the counter before he turns towards the refrigerator.
I hop off of the counter as he pulls out two ice creams from the freezer, without speaking he grabs my good wrist and drags me upstairs to his room. His room is similar to mine, just more decorated to his personality. He orders me to the right side of the bed as he climbs into the left.
Passing me an ice cream he leans back against his bed head. we don't watch anything we just sit in silence, it's kind of hard to pretend this didn't happen and act normal. "Do you have any questions?" I finally break the silence, he places the wooden stick of the ice cream into the bin next to his bed before grabbing mine. I watch as he leans against the headboard again and hums to himself.
"Did it feel good?" He asks, I'm confused as to what he's asking felt good, being raped? Killing someone? Self-harming?
"What do you mean.." I reply just above a whisper, "Killing them, did it feel good?" He asks turning his face to meet mine, I chew on my bottom lip as I think of my answer.
"Yes, and no" I finally respond, "The act of it, wasn't good, I second-guessed myself the whole time, I cried, I screamed, I threw up... but knowing that they physically couldn't hurt me anymore? That felt really good" I explain.
"You were supposed to sleep in my room that night" He sighs, "The night they took you... She talked me out of having a sleepover with you, we would sleep in each other's bed often, but she said that you were sick, and that I should sleep on my own so I don't get it... I should have just snuck into your room, none of this would have happened".
I couldn't believe that he was blaming himself for her awful actions, "It's not your fault Niki, no one knew what she had planned, not even Papa, and he is the smartest one out of all of us"
He doesn't respond to my statement, "Those scars.. are they from?" He looks hurt even thinking it.
"Most of them are from Marion and Danny, wrists and thighs were my doing" I explain. He nods his head slowly before laying down, he pats the spot next to him indicating me to do the same, so I do.
"Why didn't you tell one of us about this?" He asks after a while of looking at each other, "What was I supposed to say? Hey guys, sometimes I cut myself to stop voices and memories from flooding my brain?" I almost chuckle, he does too.
"маленький цветок? (little flower?)" My eyes feel heavy and begin to close as I hum a response to him, "Come to me first, next time, okay?" He asks pulling me into his embrace, "Okay" I agree.
*
I don't know what time it is when I wake up, but it's still dark outside, Niki's arm almost has me in a chokehold as I try to escape it, he eventually loosens it enough so I can slip out of it easily. I quietly make my way to the door, I don't want to wake him up, he needs to sleep.
Once I'm in the hallway I remember I have three choices, my room, Ally's room, or Papa's room. I don't want to be alone, and I think Ally is still kind of angry at me, so I choose Papa's.
I sneak in without a sound and climb under the sheets cuddling into his chest, "полевой цветок? (wildflower?)" He asks still half asleep, I look up and kiss his cheek, a faint smile on his face appears "Я в порядке, иди спать, папа (I'm ok, go back to sleep papa).
