Afraid of the Dark (KakaSaku)

Reason and Regret

Kakashi watched Sakura, riding the wave of her high, her words echoing in his mind. "It tastes like love." The phrase sent alarm bells ringing inside his head, guilt sinking deep into his chest. His expression hardened, his gaze cutting into her. "No."

Sakura looked at him, confused by his abrupt change in tone. "Huh?" She leaned toward him, but he pulled back. "It doesn't taste like love because there isn't any here," he said coldly, his words slicing through her. The drugs only amplified the sting of his rejection. Sakura inhaled sharply, her jaw clenching as she took in the dread on his face. "You know what, Hatake? Fuck. You." She started to get up from the couch, but Kakashi grabbed her wrist, forcing her back down.

She thrashed, trying to free herself, but then Kakashi slapped her hard, stunning her into stillness. He pinned her wrists above her head, his voice menacing and sharp. "Is this what you want? To love someone like me? Someone who hurts you, who only puts you in danger?" His tone was like a knife's edge. "I know you're high out of your mind right now, but think, Dr. Haruno. I won't ever let you love me."

He released her and stood up, pulling on his pants while she lay on the couch, tears streaming down her face. Kakashi retreated to the kitchen, his head hanging low as he poured her a glass of water. He gripped the sink until his fingers hurt, filled with regret and self-loathing. He knew he had to push her away, to make her hate him—it was the only way forward. The glass overflowed as he stared down, swallowing his guilt.

Returning to the living room, he found Sakura still curled up on the couch, naked and sobbing. The drugs had magnified her emotions, and he hoped this would be the beginning of her hatred for him. "Stop pitying yourself. Sit up. Now." When she didn't respond, he set the glass of water on the table and yanked her up by her hair, battling his own inner turmoil. This had to be done, he told himself. It was the only way. "What did I tell you? Look at me when I speak to you." His voice was rough, his grip in her hair unyielding. He took in her tear-streaked face, her arms wrapped around her exposed chest. The sight of her heartbreak reflected in her dilated eyes was almost too much for him to bear.

Kakashi swallowed hard, tilting his head slightly as he let go of her hair. He forced the glass of water into her trembling hands, and she drank it all through her sobs without needing to be told.

Sakura felt like disappearing, ashamed for ever thinking he could feel anything other than spite for her. She realized she didn't truly know him, not even after he had once saved her. But despite everything, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something deeper to him, something hidden beneath the layers of his torment and misunderstanding. She couldn't ignore the pull she felt toward him, the sense that there was more to him than he let on. And she wouldn't stop until she uncovered what it was that made her so drawn to him.

Kakashi picked up his shirt from the floor and threw it at her. Sakura flinched, her eyes wide with shock. "Put that back on," he ordered. She fumbled with the fabric before managing to pull it over herself, feeling smaller than ever. Without a word, she got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen, Kakashi following closely behind. Reaching up into his liquor cabinet, she grabbed the first bottle her hand could find, desperate to numb herself. She took two large gulps, the alcohol burning down her throat, before Kakashi yanked it away from her.

"Are you out of your mind?" he snapped, his voice laced with fury. "You've had fentanyl, Sakura—you can't drink!"

"And why do you care?" she shot back, her body buzzing with the effects of the drugs, a thick fog rising in her head. Her ears were ringing, her breathing slowing as the world around her blurred. Kakashi grabbed her chin, his grip firm as he dragged her to the sink by her hair. Sakura tried to push him away, but his strength overpowered her. He pinned her to the sink with his body, tugging her head back toward him.

"Open your fucking mouth," he demanded, his tone brooking no argument.

Unsure of what he was about to do, Sakura complied, her heart racing. Without warning, Kakashi shoved two fingers down her throat, triggering a violent gag reflex. "You fucking bitch," he muttered, repeating the action until she was retching uncontrollably. He let go of her hair as she vomited into the sink, the acrid taste of liquor stinging her nose and throat. Once she started, she couldn't stop, emptying her stomach while Kakashi held her hair out of the way, his fingers glistening with her spit.

"Good. Spit it all out," he said, his voice softer now, less intense.

When Sakura had finished, Kakashi grabbed her hand and practically dragged her upstairs, her feet stumbling as he pulled her along. His grip on her bandaged hands stung, adding to the pain. Without a word, he tossed her onto his bed and abruptly left the room, the door clicking shut behind him. Sakura shot up, hearing the lock engage. She pounded on the door, her voice filled with anger. "Kakashi! Did you just lock me in here?"

"If you're going to act like a brat, you get treated like one," he seethed from the other side. "Enjoy your time out."

Sakura felt utterly lost, the haze of the alcohol and drugs clouding her mind, making it hard to breathe. Panic rose in her chest as she banged on the door again, but her strength was quickly waning. Defeated, she slumped to the floor, her back against the door. The cold hardwood under her fingertips was a stark contrast to the heat of her frustration, the smooth surface enticing her senses as she traced it. She couldn't cry, couldn't even sleep—just a drug-fueled sadness consuming her, leaving her restless and empty.

With a huff, Sakura pushed herself off the floor. If she was going to be locked in his bedroom, she might as well see what secrets he was hiding. She started with the side tables, finding only a few charger cords and condoms in one drawer, and books in the other—nothing of interest. Moving on, she opened the closet, a spacious walk-in filled with dress shirts and pants. She ran her fingers over the soft fabrics, moving them aside one by one.

At the end of the closet, a small dresser caught her eye. She opened each drawer, searching under the clothes but finding nothing out of the ordinary. When she tried to close the last drawer, it wouldn't shut properly. Frustrated, she pushed harder, but it wouldn't budge. Curiosity piqued, Sakura removed the entire drawer, discovering a small black binder wedged inside, preventing it from closing. Her heart raced as she crawled into the dresser to retrieve it.

The binder was leather-bound, its edges worn with age. Sakura's hands trembled as she flipped it open, recognizing Kakashi's familiar handwriting. Her mouth hung open in shock as she read the words, flipping through more pages, her heart pounding in her chest. She was so absorbed in the contents that she didn't hear the door unlock.

Suddenly, a fist yanked her up by her hair. "Nosey little brat, aren't you?" Kakashi's voice was a menacing whisper in her ear, his eyes blazing with anger. In that moment, Sakura was sure she was done for. 

"What exactly did you read?" Kakashi's voice was a low, dangerous growl as he loomed over her, but Sakura remained silent, too stunned to respond. His grip tightened in her hair, yanking her head back sharply. "Answer me when I speak to you!"

She had never seen Kakashi like this, the cold fury in his eyes sent a wave of fear crashing over her. She stammered, "I-I didn't—" but the lie was weak, and they both knew it. He spun her around, his voice simmering with barely controlled irritation. "What. Did. You. Read?"

Sakura's throat tightened as panic coiled in her chest, her breath coming in shallow gasps. Her mind scrambled for the right words, but all she could manage was a soft, trembling, "I read enough..."

With a violent shove, Kakashi released her, sending her sprawling onto the floor. She winced at the roughness of his actions, her heart pounding in her ears. Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose, his breathing heavy as he struggled to contain his anger. He snatched the black binder from the floor, clutching it tightly as he crouched down to face her.

"Do you realize what you've just done?" His tone was icy, each word slicing through her like a blade. Sakura's eyes filled with fear, pleading silently for mercy. She didn't dare move, too afraid of provoking him further.

"Kakashi, I—" she began, but he cut her off with a sharp, "Don't. Speak. I need to think." His hands raked through his hair, his chest heaving with the force of his anger. The silence that followed was suffocating, every second stretching out endlessly as he stood there, staring at her.

Finally, his gaze locked onto hers, his expression unreadable as he leaned in close. "You better rely on every bit of your field training, because now... you're stuck for good."