𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 & 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 [ꜱᴇᴏᴋꜱᴏᴏ]

5: 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩

⸻ ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 ⸻

Seokmin lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as if the cracks in the plaster could provide some sort of answer to the turmoil raging in his mind. The dim light from his bedside lamp cast long shadows across the room, making it feel smaller, more confining. The silence was heavy, pressing down on him as he replayed the events of the day over and over again.

His mind kept drifting back to Joshua-his smile, the warmth in his voice, the way he seemed so happy when he talked about Jeonghan. The thought twisted Seokmin's insides with a sharp, aching pain. He had never wanted these feelings. He had never asked for his heart to be so stubborn, clinging to a hope that seemed increasingly impossible.

He turned onto his side, curling up slightly as if he could protect himself from the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape them. They were always there, lurking just beneath the surface, waiting to strike whenever he let his guard down.

And then there were the dreams.

Those damn dreams that left him breathless and shaken every time he woke up. Dreams where Joshua's touch was so real, where his voice whispered promises that Seokmin knew would never come true. Dreams that only made the distance between reality and fantasy even more painful to navigate.

Seokmin squeezed his eyes shut, willing the images away. He wanted them to stop. He needed them to stop. But they persisted, stubbornly replaying in his mind like a broken record. The feel of Joshua's hands on his skin, the heat of his breath against his neck, the way his name sounded when Joshua moaned it in those dreams... it was all too much. Too vivid. Too consuming.

He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to block out the visions, but they only grew stronger, more insistent. His breath hitched, frustration and despair knotting in his chest. ❝Why can't I just stop?❞ he whispered to the empty room, his voice trembling with the weight of his emotions.

Seokmin had tried everything to push these feelings away, to pretend they didn't exist. He had thrown himself into assignments, hung out with other friends, done everything he could to distract himself. But none of it worked. Every night, without fail, the dreams would come back, more intense than before, leaving him even more confused and desperate.

He needed to make them stop. He had to, for his own sanity. He couldn't keep living like this, torn between wanting Joshua so badly it hurt and knowing that it would never be. He couldn't keep lying to himself, pretending that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't.

Taking a deep breath, Seokmin rolled onto his back again, staring up at the ceiling once more. His mind raced, trying to come up with a solution, something-anything-that would help him break free from this cycle.

❝Maybe I just need to talk to him,❞ Seokmin thought, though the idea filled him with dread. ❝Maybe if I just tell him how I feel, it'll stop haunting me. Even if it doesn't go well, at least I'll have some closure... right?❞

But the thought of actually confronting Joshua about his feelings made Seokmin's heart pound with anxiety. What if Joshua didn't feel the same way? What if it ruined their friendship? Could he really risk losing Joshua, the one person who meant so much to him?

Seokmin sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair in frustration. ❝I don't know what to do,❞ he muttered to himself. ❝I don't know how to make this go away.❞

He wished he could just flip a switch and turn off his emotions, make them disappear like a bad dream. But life didn't work that way, and Seokmin was trapped in a situation he didn't know how to escape.

After a long moment of silence, Seokmin finally closed his eyes, resigning himself to another restless night. The only thing he knew for sure was that he couldn't go on like this forever. Something had to change, whether it was him confronting Joshua or finding another way to cope.

But for now, all he could do was lie there, hoping that sleep would come quickly and that, for once, his dreams would leave him in peace.

Even as he thought this, deep down, Seokmin knew the truth: the dreams wouldn't stop until he faced the reality of his feelings. And that was a truth he wasn't ready to confront. Not yet.

⸻ ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁
Filler

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[Unedited]