The Seed of Hope

Awake

"Welcome back."- A familiar voice rang out to me. The sudden realization that my human life was over hit me like a truck. I felt a slight disappointment clutch my throat. What were these human feelings? They were supposed to cease when I ascended—er or when my mortal body died...

"Adonai..." My lips parted.
"How was your mortal life?" Another voice excitedly rang out. I recognized Shaddai's voice and I could tell they had been waiting anxiously for my return.

"Miserable."- I lied through my teeth. "Who knew humans would be just as cruel and cold as Apophis." The name slipped my tongue almost too easily that I could feel Adonai shift.

"Shit."

"You are cussing like one too...it hasn't yet settled in that you are a Supreme Goddess. Don't worry, you'll get there soon enough." I could tell that they both were ignoring the sudden name drop as Shaddai tried to change the topic.
My eyes hazily gazed into the cosmos. My body feels aware, but I can't see it. I try to tilt my head and bring my hand to my face. But something wasn't right. All I could see were galaxies and stars too much for my previously mortal mind to comprehend.

"Let me help you." I felt Adonai approach me and lift the starry veil that covered my face. I was greeted by a darkened room. A room in our subconscious that was dimly lit by an invisible light. I could see Adonai's form taking shape before me. A hazy silhouette hid behind a silver mask. No one has ever seen Adonai's true identity. Only Yahweh knows. Shaddai was a playful God, they were not female or male, just life and death wrapped into one chaotic being.

"You...seem different somehow..." Shaddai said in barely a whisper. I couldn't tell if they were joking or not. But something in me believed them.
"How so?" I asked

"...Your hand..." Adonai's words shot through me like a javelin. My eyes shook as I slowly lifted my hand again, to see it dressed in gold. I frowned in confusion. I flexed my fingers and I heard the metals that were once my joints scrape slightly. My mind rushed to those final moments of my past life. My vision began to fade as I panted. I could still feel the burning, the falling, and the broken heart. My metal hand grips my chest as it tightens. Who ever thought that my divine incorruptible body could still experience mortal feelings and symptoms? Ridiculous...
I shake my head and bring my eyes to Shaddai and Adonai.
"These humans...can be a handful sometimes." Yes, that was a pun, I suppose my human self is still in there somewhere. I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the invisible pain and embarrassment.

"Of course, perhaps this is how Elohim lost exaltation...and his mind. He couldn't resist the temptation of human emotions." Shaddai giggled, unfazed by the destruction Elohim inflicted on Prymeria.
I couldn't stop thinking about something though, something so deep and fresh in my mind like a
gushing wound. It's him, he made me feel like I couldn't breathe--like he had me by my throat
and refused to let go. And as much as I was in fucking pain, I didn't want him to let me breathe.

"Astraea," Adonai called to me, snapping me out of my deep thoughts. "Y-Yes?"

"We should leave you to rest, remember that dwelling in the mortal feelings is not righteous. Keep your sacredness and never fall into lunacy."

That's right, Astraea is my name, for a second I thought he was going to call me Katerina. But who am I kidding? Katerina was just a vessel to dethrone Elohim. She lived a plentiful life, happy and loved. I wonder how everyone is doing. Are they coping? Are they okay without me?

I nodded at Adonai. "Of course, brother."

They suddenly vanished, leaving me with an ever-changing room and the universe's echoes. The walls and pillars slowly change into nebulas. I rose to my feet and moved slowly through the fabric of dark matter before me. Ripples of my steps echoed through time and space. With a wave of my hand, I created more planets and galaxies than anyone could ever count. Black holes followed my steps, cleaning up the debris of my creations. I was free, I was finally free. But...I have this fever inside me. I held my hand to my chest as my eyes began to sting. I can't let him go... I never told him how much I loved him or that I forgave him for everything.

A chill crawled up my spine at the thought of his cold eyes staring down at me as I fell. How could he? Whatever possessed him to do that to me? I embraced myself as I kneeled into the nothing. My heavy golden mask fell back down to my face, shielding the universe from my tears. I press my nails onto the skin on my upper arm. No physical pain compares to the pain of a broken heart. I try to think of what he had done to me so I can wash him away for good but he just wouldn't leave. I can't. I don't care what he has done or why. I love him, I will always love him, and I know he loves me. I wish I could see him, at least one more time.

I looked back, knowing the exact location of the little planet called Prymeria. I could...but should I?
Adonai's words echoed in my mind. Dwelling into these mortal feelings could lead me to lunacy and corruption...........................but just one peek wouldn't hurt, right?

To be continued...