𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔

• 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑽𝑰𝑷 𝑩𝑶𝑶𝑻𝑯 •

*AFTER A MONTH*

I want to go home.
But i dont know where my home is,
Where my peace belongs, Nothing feels alright.

It's been clear to me that you can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. I'm surrounding by people still i feel like a moon in billions of stars. Alone.

A month has passed, but it feels like an eternity since I'm lossing myself. I'm drowning in a sea of unfamiliarity, and I can't find my way back to shore. Everything feels like a blur, a never-ending cycle of emptiness. I'm losing my sense of self, my identity, my soul. I'm just going through the motions, pretending to be the Amara everyone expects me to be.

But who am I, really? I don't know anymore. I'm lost, alone, and adrift in a world that's moving too fast. A month has passed, but it feels like years since I've been me.

And all of this is happening because of
My dear fiancé's obsession, that know no bounds, and I'm drowning in his control. AGAIN.

Since the day i told him to leave me alone, to give me space, he took it as a challenge to make my life a living hell. He just shows up, twice- thrice every week, like clockwork, to drag me on those soulless, forced dates. He calls them 'dates', but I call them prison sentences. I tried to escape, tried to give multiple excuses, nothing worked. He took me in different restaurant's and god knows where, all against my will and forced me by creating different - different situations.

I'm losing myself in his grasp, my identity slowly erasing like sand between fingers. I'm fighting to break free, to shatter the chains he's forged around me. But he won't let go, won't listen. And now I'm running out of air.

This whole month he just became more and more overbearing. I look in the mirror, and a stranger stares back. My smile, once bright and genuine, now feels forced. My laughter, hollow. I'm tired, so tired.

Even if he's not here,..He's everywhere, always watching, always controlling. 'Don't wear that', 'Don't talk to him', 'Don't go there'. His rules suffocate me. Threatning him also didn't worked, because the idiot knows nothing will go in my favour and my father will never let me break free from his grasp because he have given his words to Kristiyan's father.

He even showed up at my university. I was studying in the library trying to help a classmate Alex, with some accounts problem, but  dicktator appeared out of nowhere, his face twisted in anger, and warned Alex to stay away from me. 'She's mine' he said. I-AM-FUCKING- EXHAUSTED.

Even Sage's bright light can't penetrate the frustration Kristiyan has created within me. My dear friend tries everything to lift my spirits - take me to concerts, to parties and om long walks in the park. But I'm just a shadow of myself, going through the motions. The colors have faded.

But amidst the emptiness, a spark remains.
Why the fuck, it remains is the real question.
A spark ignited by the touch of a monster.

It's been a month since I last saw him in that alleyway, he didn't showed up in his own house since last one month..not that I'm complaining...but the memory of his touch still lingers. The way he made me feel, with just a single caress, is etched in my mind like a scar.