Rainy Days

Chapter 4

In the present

I can still remember that first day of class when I was in 6th grade, the very first day that I met him too.

It was all so sudden, his subtle entrance into my life. He was so gentle yet so calm to ever not care to entrust his problems to me. He was so kind yet too terrifying to believe he's true. He was so beautiful that it mesmerized the heck out of me. Hindi ko inakalang ang lalaking iyon pala ang makapagpapabaliw sa isip at puso ko.

Looking at his picture right now, I can feel butterflies and sadness. He had a swimming vacation with his family and I am a facebook friend of his father.

He posted a picture of Rain topless with only a wet towel wrapped around his neck and a manly smile is seen on his face. Who wouldn't fall to this innocent-looking guy?

At the same time, I can feel this ache in my heart followed by the longingness. I hate to admit it but.. I miss seeing that smile. I miss that face that I can't stop looking at. I miss that eyes na dati ay laging sumusulyap nang palihim sa akin. I miss his scent na bihira ko lang malanghap dahil sa bihirang pagkikita namin pero gustong-gusto ko dahil sa bango nito. I miss him and literally everything about him.

It has always been Rain. In my heart. In my mind. It's just him. No other man or woman. Just Rain.

Suddenly, nag notif ang phone ko at nagpop-up sa screen ko ang chathead ng kaibigan ko, saying she saw Rain sa diwa. All I can do is sigh. Not because it's annoying but because it's disappointing that I can't get out of this house, just to hopefully check on him.

I replied that it has nothing to do with me. And of course... I lied. Naaapektuhan pa rin ako pag si Rain na ang pinag-uusapan. Lagi.

Ang hirap. Ang hirap kimkimin ng lahat ng pangungulila at sakit. Ang hirap isipin na sa ganoon na lang natapos ang lahat sa amin. Alam ko, masyado pang maaga para isipin at problemahin ang pag-ibig, but you wouldn't know a thing unless you've experienced it.

All I can do is wait for that moment, when I can finally grasp the reality that it's okay to let him go because I can never ever possibly fix that one mistake if that person doesn't even want me to do so.

Pau reacted sad to my short reply. She can feel me. But not like how I can feel me. Sometimes, problems like this with my own self can only be handled by my very own self too.

Naguguluhan na nga ako sa sarili ko, baka maguluhan lang din sya sa nararamdaman ko. Ako lang talaga ang makakapag ayos nito sa sarili ko, wala nang iba.

I breathed heavily as I walked slowly downstairs. I prepared a simple dinner for myself, fried egg and rice. Para sa akin, okay na to dahil ito lang naman daw ang afford ng kuya ko ngayong araw. Though, kaya nga nyang bumili ng alak para sa inuman nila ngayon ng panganay namin at mga kaibigan nila. Hays, ganito na ba talaga ang lahat ng matatanda?

I was alone in the house, eating the rice and egg that I personally cooked. Ang panganay namin, may asawa at dalawang anak na, ang sumunod sa kanya ay kasama nya ngayon, umiinom, at ang sumunod pa sa kanila ay nasa seminaryo, soon to be a priest. You see, no one can ever help me in this house other than myself. At the end of the day, I can only have me.

After eating and cleaning up, I went back upstairs and took my phone. I immediately switched accounts and contacted kiro but it's no use. No reply, no answer to my calls too.

Suddenly, I felt lonely. I can still remember that before if I feel lonely, Rain is only one play away. It's our way of bonding, games. Whether it's roblox, ml or anything that can be playable together online.

Kiro, he's not into games other than ml of course. Mas matanda kasi sya sa akin ng 2 years, working student din sya kaya wala gaanong time but it's okay. Ang napagkakasunduan lang namin ay academics dahil ang mga lesson nila sa senior high ay lesson din namin sa special science class.

To compare them, Rain has way more similarities with me and Kiro is my opposite. Both are kindhearted but they can sometimes also be as harsh as they can be.

Ewan ko, pansin ko lang na parang hinahanap ko yung mga qualities ni Rain sa rp boyfriend ko ngayon. I know it's wrong but I can't avoid it. I can't stop myself from thinking about him. Perhaps, it's still Rain. Or baka hindi ko lang mapakawalan ang past ko. I don't even know anymore.

Mahal♡ sent a message.

Nang magnotif ang phone ko ay dali-dali kong binuksan ito at binasa ang chat ni Kiro. Kesyo nakainom na naman daw sya at hindi makauwi dahil maputik ang daan at walang ilaw sa daan pag gabi. Sumagot na lang ako na makitulog sya sa kaibigan nya kung saan sila nag inuman. Nagtuloy-tuloy ang pag uusap namin dahil sa kakulitan nya. Ganyan kasi sya pag lasing.

Sa totoo lang, ayaw ko sa mga nakainom dahil may trauma na ako sa mga ginagawa nila pag lasing pero hindi naman sya ganoon sa akin. Sa totoo nyan, cute pa nga sya magreply sa chat pag lasing saka madaldal din kaya mahaba talaga ang kwentuhan namin hanggang sa maantok na lang sya. Though, it still doesn't mean na payag ako na may partner akong lasinggero or marunong uminom, wala lang akong choice dahil hindi ko naman sya mababago kung iyon na ang nakasanayan nya.

Pero ayon na nga, pagtapos ng pagkahaba-habang kwentuhan, naantok din sya at nagpaalam na para matulog. At dahil nakaramdam na rin ako ng antok, minabuti ko nang sumabay sa kanya. Nag switch account muna ulit ako pabalik sa main ko at saka natulog.

Pero biruin mo nga naman, pati pala sa pagtulog ay hindi ako patatahimikin ng ulan.