Let's Get Crazy | Male Reader X Lydia Deetz

Juice 5

[In the attic, the model cemetery begins flashing.]

Barbara: Look, there he is. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse!

Adam: Go ahead, Barbara. Say it.

Barbara: Betelgeuse!

[Suddenly, they are teleported into the model cemetery.]

Barbara: What just happened?

Adam: I think... we're inside the model. Check this out.

[They see a weathered sign reading 'Betelgeuse,' pointing toward a grave marked 'Here Lies Betelgeuse.']

Barbara: Where is he? What now?

[Suddenly, several shovels clatter near the grave.]

Adam: Looks like we're digging.

[They start digging frantically until their hands hit a coffin.]

Barbara: About time!

Adam: I say we open it.

Barbara: Maybe... we should knock first?

[The coffin trembles violently, and the two stumble back as a ghoul bursts forth - none other than Beetlejuice.]

Beetlejuice: Adam! Babs! (plants a smooch on Barbara) Boy, you sure know how to pick 'em! Tell me, how solid is this relationship? Do I still have a shot? 'Cause my boy might need a good momma.

Adam: Excuse me?

Beetlejuice: Overstepping? Just say the word. But you know what's wild? You kids chose me. Didn't have to, but you did. Makes me wanna kiss you both. C'mon, gimme one!

Adam: I... beg your pardon!

Beetlejuice: Alright, alright, let's get down to business. I've got a card here somewhere. Who do I have to kill? Hold this for me. (hands Barbara a rat)

Barbara: Whoa!

Beetlejuice: There you go.

Adam: Killing isn't necessary!

Beetlejuice: Ah, possession! Got it! (throws his voice at Barbara) Learn the art of ventriloquism fool your friends, liven up parties.

Barbara: No, no. We just want to get some people out of our house.

Beetlejuice: Okay, okay, I get it. But here's the deal: I gotta get to know you better. Move in, be pals really get cozy. Save the heavy stuff for later.

Adam: Well, we do have some questions.

Beetlejuice: Fire away!

Adam: For starters... what are your qualifications?

Beetlejuice: Oh, easy! Juilliard grad, Harvard Business School alum, world traveler, survivor of the Black Plague had a blast, by the way. Watched The Exorcist 167 times gets funnier every time! Oh, and by the way, you're talking to a dead guy. Qualified enough for you?

Adam: I mean... can you actually be scary?

Beetlejuice: You want scary? How about this? (pulls a grotesque face, making them flinch)

Barbara: Excuse us, please?

Beetlejuice: Sure, chat amongst yourselves.

[Adam and Barbara whisper to each other.]

Barbara: Adam, let's go.

Adam: He could come in handy later.

Barbara: No, we can handle this ourselves.