It Feels Like a Dream! (BTS Yoongi FF)

I'm Sorry!

It's 10th of August today, I need to pack my luggage but I could not keep myself away from the book I am reading right now. So, I spent my whole day completing that book and guess what? Your girl did it! I completed the book at 06:00 PM with tears in my eyes, already missing the characters. I get up from my bed finally, put the book away on the shelf, get my suitcase out to pack the clothes and everything that I would need. I decided to pack a few dresses and two night suits for clothing as I might buy some clothes there as well because why not? You are in Korea and not buy K-outfits, no chance. I finish packing my luggage by 07:30 PM, my phone chimes and I flinched at the sound, I put the luggage aside and pick up my phone.

"All set to board the flight?" Jin messaged

"All set. I am thinking to board the flight now." I reply with a laughing emoticon.

"Exactly. C'mon board the flight now." Jin sends a voice note with his cute laughter. I laughed so much. Jin is a cutie. I love him the most it seems. He makes me feel that I can open up to him and he is always up for a conversation. He listens with so much attention, he makes me feel very comfortable around him. He is the only member amongst them for whom I cried when he was in military because I missed him so much. This is a secret. They should never know. I think he is my best friend, I am sure that I am not his but he is mine for sure.

"Will you be picking me up tomorrow?" I sent a message

"Which hotel are you staying in?" He asks, I tell him the name of the hotel and asked him if it is far, then he should not be bothered, I will manage.

"It's okay! I will come to pick you up. Yoongi was saying that he was planning to pick you up from the airport. Did he not tell you that?" Jin asks.

"Oh! No he did not. We did not speak to each other for a few days now. Last we spoke on the day I booked the tickets. I sent him a message next day but he did not reply yet. So, I did not know." I tell him.

My phone starts ringing and I answer with a smile on my face.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii" I squeal.

"You are cute." Jin says

"Okay! So, what we do is, let me talk to all of them tonight and see who all want to pick you up from the airport." He continues and I start laughing.

"You are talking as if I am some celebrity." I tell him still laughing.

"You don't know. Let me confirm from them and I will call you back in 30 minutes. Okay?" He asks

"Yes. Done deal." I tell him and we hang up.

I hold my phone close to my chest while smiling and twirling. I am in some kind of Lala land it seems, I feel so happy suddenly that I am finally going to South Korea. I pace back and forth in my room, all happy and then I fell on my bed with a smile that is not going to fade away soon. I turned towards the clock and start staring at the clock hands. It seems that time has not been moving since I packed my luggage and suddenly I realized that I forgot to keep the books I am going to read there, I was about to get up that my phone starts ringing again, I answer the phone without even looking at the caller id.

"Hey you Jin. Have you decided anything?" I ask

"Huh?" He sighs and I am sure it's not Jin's voice. I now look at the caller id and there you go.

"Oh! I am so sorry. I spoke to Jin a few minutes back and he said he will be calling back so I thought it's him because you don't reply to me." I say bluntly. I know he will be pissed but let him just be. He is ignorant at times and I do not like it. It's not that I want him to change or what but it just pisses me off at times.

"Couldn't it be that I was busy or maybe I could not talk?" He says

"How would I know? It's not that it was just an hour ago or a day ago, it has been 4 days and it's surprising that you did not get a minute in four days to reply with just 'I am doing okay now' I was worried about you but who cares. Anyways, what is it that you called?" I ask him and I know he can feel that I am a bit bitter about whatever it is.

"I am sorry!" He says and it just makes me upset. I am mad at him now.

"Why do you think you are apologizing? Does apology resolve every reasoning you have for a particular situation? Did I ask you to apologize?" I ask him.

"I am sorry about everything wrong that I did." He says with a firm tone and I did not like it.

"You know what? Just let it be. Don't apologize for anything. You are not even trying to understand what am I saying right now. I did not ask you to apologize, I asked you if you did not get even a minute in four days to just tell me that you are okay? If you do not want to talk or cannot talk because you are occupied, I understand. I am not a kid who would cry or do weird stuff to get your attention. I also work so I know there are days when you do not get time but you have to take some time out from that busy schedule for your family or closed ones. I would not have created any chaos over it if you would have just said, 'I am busy or I have deadlines to meet' I would have been okay knowing that okay you are there. You do not need to apologize every single time. It just does not solve everything." I breathed and thought I was rude just now. He is elder than me and no matter what he is busier than I can ever imagine.

"I was being ignorant because I did not feel like I was being myself." He sighs and now I am ashamed of myself for yelling at him. He spoke to me that day and told me how he was feeling. I should have been more understanding.

"I am sorry!" I apologized with a low voice.

"No, you are right. I called you that day, I could have messaged the next day or later than that but I just chose not to. I thought it's already there that you know." He says

"I knew but still I wanted you to tell me if you are not okay. I am always here to talk to you but you have to reach out to me when I am reaching out to you. You just thought of ignoring me and dwelling into the situation all alone." I tell him as I try to sound as polite as possible.

"I will always remember this. This is my coping mechanism Leher, I just block everyone out and try to stay in that troubled space until I feel that I can get out of it." He says.

There is silence now. We both are quiet right now. I want to hug him right away.

"Will you come and pick me up tomorrow if you are okay?" I ask him finally.

"I called you for that only. I am picking you up tomorrow and I have told everyone including Jin hyung." he puts an emphasis on his name.

"Okayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!" He knows that I am happy.

"Okay! See you tomorrow Leher." He says.

Oh! I love it when he says my name. There is some weird feeling in the pit of my stomach when he says my name and sometimes I feel I'm doomed. So, let's go Leher!

Tomorrow is the day you will have a Seoulful life.