Gossip Girl: It Had To Be You

B is for binge and p is for purge

The oak-paneled elevator doors rolled open onto the Waldorfs' foyer. Blocking Blair's path was a small Burberry signature plaid doggie carrier from which emanated a plaintive mewing sound. Blair tossed her navy blue cashmere knee-length TSE cardigan over the handlebars of her brother Tyler's silver Razor scooter and bent down to examine the doggie carrier. A tiny blue-gray kitten stared at her from inside with hopeful ice blue eyes.

"You're okay, little kitty," Blair assured it. She unzipped the carrier to retrieve the kitten and cradled it in her arms. A piece of her father's gold-and-cream-striped Crane's stationery was folded inside the carrier. She pulled it out and tore open the note, reading it as the kitten kneaded its paws into her palm.

My darling Blair Bear,

As you know, your mom and I have been growing apart. It probably comes as no surprise that I've decided to move out. I know this will be difficult, and so I'm giving you this gorgeous Russian Blue kitten to provide some solace. He's a boy and very gentle. Hug him and think of me.

I love you, my Bear. Call soon.

—Dad

Blair reread the note, squeezing the little kitten so hard it squirmed to get away. It probably comes as no surprise . . . ? What the frigging fuck?! Sure, her family had never been that great with sharing what was on their minds, but her father had just up and left? Moved out, like it was no big deal, ditching his responsibility to his family, his children, his firstborn? Had her mother even noticed he was gone?

Blair was tempted to throw the little kitten against the wall, but his tiny gray body was so furry and innocent, she couldn't. His fur was softer than her mother's mink coat, like a newborn baby mink. She held him up in front of her face and pressed her nose against his fuzzy gray forehead. "My tiny lost little Kitty Minky," she crooned dramatically and carried him down the hall to her bedroom. Pretty soon her bed was going to be slightly crowded, what with Nate sleeping over all the time, but until then there might be room for a small kitten. She made him comfortable on her rose-colored silk pillows, stroking him with a trembling index finger. She was angry as hell at her father, and so sad she felt like throwing her bedroom furniture out the window.

"Dad gave me a pretty cool present," she heard Tyler's ten-year-old choirboy voice call out from her doorway. "What'd you get?"

Blair nodded her chin at Kitty Minky, which was what she'd decided to call the kitten. He'd curled up in a tiny gray ball and was purring contentedly. Tyler jumped up on the bed and pushed the kitten over on its side, vigorously rubbing its little pink tummy and startling the poor thing half to death. "He gave me this vinyl record collection and this awesome vintage Zenith turntable. The whole collection used to belong to this famous DJ who's in prison or something. Anyway, it's rad.

Tyler was practically hyperventilating he was so excited. He wanted to be a famous DJ himself one day, and he spent a lot of time in his room, cultivating his nerd status by playing Xbox and listening to Led Zeppelin on a pair of gigantic headphones like one of the Little Einsteins on crack. Still, there was something impossibly sad about how excited he sounded, like he was trying his darnedest not to cry and was acting overly chipper instead. It made Blair so angry she felt like she was going to explode. Fuck her fucking fucked-up family.

She scooped up Kitty Minky in her arms and pressed him tenderly against her chest. "Is Mom home?"

Tyler shrugged and violently kicked Blair's Sigerson Morrison gold flats across the room just for the hell of it. "Shopping," he replied flatly. "Dad took her favorite champagne glasses," he added. "The Baccalaureate ones."

"Baccarat," Blair corrected him. The two siblings exchanged glances, half sympathetic, half challenging, but neither one was willing to pour their heart out to the other. Blair hugged her new kitten even tighter to her chest. Tyler got up and snatched a piece of Doublemint gum from the pack on her desk. He popped it into his mouth and dropped the wrapper on the floor.

"Get out, pig," Blair ordered, just as she'd done a thousand times before. No, there would be no tears. Not until she closed the door behind her brother. And put the cat down, and—

She dashed into her bathroom, knelt down in front of the gleaming white porcelain toilet, and stuck her middle finger down her throat until she gagged. Tears streamed down her face as she hacked up the iceberg lettuce and lemon yogurt she'd eaten with Serena in the lunchroom at Constance, the croissant and hot chocolate she'd had for breakfast with her parents, the cheese omelet and pommes frites Myrtle had made for her and Tyler last night for dinner, and every other meal she'd ever eaten in her life. It was as though there was something terrible inside "her and she had to get it out, be free of it. And even though the vomiting part was ugly and disgusting and painful and shameful, she felt immediately better. She really did.

The bathroom door stood open. From the end of her bed Kitty Minky watched her with wide, curious eyes. His soft gray ears twitched forward and back, as if he were trying to understand what she was doing on her knees in front of the toilet. Then the bedroom door swung open and Serena breezed in, looking flushed and happy and ready to go shopping. She stopped and stared at Blair.

"What are you doing?"

Blair stood up, quickly flushed the toilet, and splashed cold water on her face. Then she smeared some Colgate onto her finger, scraped it across her teeth and tongue and rinsed it out with a mouthful of cold water. There, all better. She walked back to the bed and scooped Kitty Minky up in her arms.

"My father moved out," she explained, holding the kitten out to her friend in order to distract her from what she had just seen.

Serena examined the gray fur ball, holding it delicately in her long, slender hands. In the cab up to Blair's she'd gotten all fired up to tell her about kissing Nate; about how she'd thought her parents were making her go to boarding school, but now, thank goodness, they weren't; and about how sorry she was for not saying anything about any of this before. They could still have fun keeping Nate from going to the cotillion with L'Wren, only Blair wouldn't be hooking up with him, because he and Serena were already together. Serena couldn't wait to see Nate and tell him the good news, and kiss him, and kiss him, and kiss him. . . .

But now this. Blair's father had moved out. He'd given her a kitten by way of apology, and Blair had just made herself sick because of it. Serena nuzzled her face into Kitty Minky's soft, warm fur. Even if she wasn't going to boarding school anymore, her acting days had only just begun. She'd just have to keep pretending she wanted to help Blair hook up with Nate, when she had absolutely no intention of doing any such thing. Nate was hers; he was already spoken for.

And just exactly when was she planning to break this special news?

Carefully she put Kitty Minky down on the bed. Then she linked arms with Blair. "Come on. It's the week after Valentine's Day. I think some of the stuff at Barneys may even be on sale."

As if either of them ever bought anything on sale.

Blair stuffed her feet into a pair of black velvet Tod's loafers and spritzed her face with the nearest Evian water atomizer. Her father had taken her to her first Nutcracker and helped her pick out her first pair of Manolo Blahniks, but she had better things to do now than mope. If she was ever finally going to take her clothes off with Nate, she'd need some decent lingerie for the occasion.

And there's no better cure for the blues than Barneys.