Gossip Girl: It Had To Be You

The mean reds vs. the blues

After nine grueling but glorious days of skiing, their last morning in Sun Valley had arrived. Nate felt guilty about not getting more runs in while he was there, so he'd woken up early and hit the slopes. Blair threw open the door to Serena's room and crawled into bed with her. "Breakfast at Tiffany's is on," she announced, pressing "select" on the cable remote and grabbing the room service menu from off the bedside table. The lodge had the best Belgian waffles she'd ever tasted. Belgian waffles and Breakfast at Tiffany's. What better way to end a perfect vacation?

Well, there is one other thing that might make it even more special.

Serena opened a dark blue eye and peeked at Blair through a curtain of thick blond hair. She reached for the clay boat Nate had made for her with HMS Serena and the little red heart inscribed on it and tucked it farther under her pillow. Each night she fell asleep with the boat in her hand, holding it against her heart like a good-luck charm and remembering the night she and Nate had kissed. She knew it was vaguely psychotic, but Nate had made the boat for her as a token of his . . . love. Hadn't he?

Or maybe he just thought it would make a good paperweight.

Blair's cheeks were glowing from skiing in the sun during the day and fooling around with Nate all night. She looked pretty and annoyingly happy. Serena sat up and shoved her hair out of her face. "I need coffee. A whole pot." She'd spent the last four nights doing shots and watching the old people dance in the Wrinkle Room, and she was constantly hungover.

"The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all," Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly said onscreen. "The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of."

Serena didn't know which she had, the blues or the mean reds. Maybe a little bit of both.

Blair picked up the phone and ordered nearly everything on the menu. Waffles. Rare steak with béarnaise sauce. Bagels and lox. An American cheese omelet. A chocolate milk shake. "I can't decide what I want," she explained. Maybe it was the mountain air, but she'd been starving ever since she arrived.

The two girls sat propped up on Serena's down pillows, watching the now-familiar film. Room service arrived and Blair spread the bountiful feast out on the bedspread. She took a bite of syrupy waffle and then stuffed a ketchup-smeared French fry in her mouth. "I don't know what I'm doing. I want to be skinny, skinny, skinny when we go away this summer." She reached for her chocolate milkshake and took a long slurp. "Europe by train," she murmured dreamily, watching as Audrey played "Moon River" on her mandolin. Maybe she'd learn how to play guitar this summer too. She could serenade Nate, and he'd get so turned on she'd have to wrestle him to the floor of their couchette. "It's going to be so incredibly romantic."

Serena sipped her bitter coffee. Sun streamed through the window. Skiers silently crisscrossed the snowy mountain. "My huckleberry friend," Audrey crooned.

"I can't go to Europe with you guys," she blurted out.

"Blair frowned and reached for more fries. "Is this an April Fool's Day joke?"

Serena shook her head. Wasn't April Fool's Day, like, two weeks away? "No, I really can't go."

"Why not?" Blair demanded, stuffing her mouth with fries.

Isn't it obvious? Serena wanted to yell. "My parents just want me to stay home, that's all. And there's this really cool summer acting workshop that's pretty close to our house in Ridgefield. It sounds amazing. Gwyneth did it, before she got famous." She wound her white cloth napkin around her wrist. She knew only vaguely that there was a community theater near her house in Connecticut where Gwyneth Paltrow had once acted in a play when she was younger. When did she become such an elaborate liar?

Blair shoved more fries into her mouth and took a swig of her shake. "Oh, really? You're not going?" she repeated with obvious annoyance. "You're such a flake, Serena, you really are."

"I'm sorry." Serena hung her head. Her lower lip twitched and she bit it, hard. She was afraid that if she started to cry, she might pour her heart out to Blair, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Blair grabbed the steak knife and sawed at her steak until the blood ran. Actually, when she thought about it, this was even better. She and Nate would have their couchette on the train all to themselves. They wouldn't have to worry about doing touristy things and entertaining Serena—they could just have sex, constantly, in every country in the EU. How could she even think of having sex when Serena was always hovering nearby? She was glad she'd asked Nate to wait: it was going to be even more perfect this way.

"Never mind," she said airily, forking a piece of steak and shoving it into her mouth. "It's actually fine."

"Really?" Serena blew out her breath. She hated it when Blair was mad at her.

"Really." Blair flashed Serena a fake little smile, the kind of smile she usually reserved for her annoying wannabe classmates like Nicki Button and Rain Hoffstetter. Over the last few days she'd felt a new distance between herself and Serena that she couldn't quite put her finger on. They weren't like sisters anymore. They were more like stepsisters. She glanced down at the pile of food in front of her. It really was a disgusting display. "Can you put this outside, please?" she barked, dashing for the bathroom.

Serena gathered up the plates and covered them with their silver warming covers. She returned them to the tray and set the tray outside in the hall. She could hear Blair retch in the bathroom, the sucking flush of the toilet, the sound of her gargling. This time she didn't ask Blair if she was okay—she just pulled her silver Tumi duffel bag out of the closet and started to pack. She tossed the little clay boat into the bag, eager to get it home and out of Blair's sight.

But you know what they say. Home is where the heart is.