Gossip Girl: It Had To Be You

D really sort of maybe does have a girlfriend

"Are you getting that?" Jenny yelled at Dan from her room when the downstairs buzzer rang for the second time. They weren't expecting anyone, but their dad, Rufus, had gone downtown to a poetry slam with some of his communist Beat poet cronies. Maybe he'd drunk too much absinthe and had come home early to sleep it off, losing his keys in the process. Jenny was busy trying on bras and shirts and dresses and admiring her budding boobs. She needed an entirely new, more womanly wardrobe—clothes with V-necks and scoop necks and buttons to unbutton and show off her cleavage. Not that she really wanted anyone else to look at it—she just liked looking at it herself. She wanted to be able to go to the bathroom in the middle of math class, see her reflection in the mirror over the sink, and say, "Hello, cleavage! Where have you been all my life?"

Rest assured, she won't be the only one saying hello.

The bell rang again. "Dan?" Jenny shouted again. She opened her door wearing a child's size ten pink-and-purple vertical-striped Speedo one-piece that was so tight and revealing on top it looked like more like a bustier than a bathing suit, and stomped angrily down the hall to see who it was.

Dan was in the study, busy writing another poem in his black leather-bound notebook. Zeke had left soon after Jenny's embarrassing announcement that her chest was finally a size 54X or whatever. Since then, Dan had been busy cutting out one of Jenny's blond paper angels and pasting it on the inside cover of his notebook while he mused on a new metaphor. He thought about how angels had wings and were therefore more like birds

than people. The only birds he was really familiar with were pigeons, and the pigeons he knew were always taking baths in puddles or water fountains. What if Serena were a pigeon and flew up to his window, but he couldn't open the window and let her in because he had been caught like a lobster and was being boiled alive in a big pot?

Okay, Crazy. Whatever you say.

I can't breathe with this lid on

Let a little air in

Dip your wing

Take a bath

Get in

I'm turning red

It's not your fault

I'm so red

"Hi honey, I'm home."

Dan looked up from his latest masterpiece. Vanessa stood in the doorway wearing black fishnet knee socks, black wool Bermuda shorts, a black peacoat, and her black combat boots. Her pale cheeks were pink with cold and her big brown eyes were bright with amusement. Dan had only seen her twice before, and he'd thought she was unique-looking. Not ugly, but not beautiful either. Right now, though, she looked perfectly fresh and amazing, like she'd just been unwrapped from cellophane—the coolest, most original girl ever invented. Jenny hovered behind her wearing a little kid's Speedo swimsuit that was ten times too small. Her curly dark hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, as if to make her chest more pronounced. Like he hadn't seen enough of it already?

Vanessa unbuttoned her peacoat and threw it down on the worn leather sofa next to Dan. "Whatcha writing? Anything I need to see?"

He closed the book and held it protectively against his chest. "I'm still working on it."

She shrugged her shoulders, knowing she'd get him to show it to her eventually. Dan was looking at her funny. "Did you miss me?" she asked hopefully. It was all she could do to keep from jumping into his lap and planting a big fat kiss on those thin blue-pink lips of his.