The Shut Up and Write Awards 2024 [CLOSED]

🌑 The Darkness (Round 1)

Here are the results of The Darkness Category for round one.

EclipseNoir123 Canvas of Deception
Through to the next round ✅

"The prologue is interesting. I like what the writer is trying to convey however there is a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. I would like to see more description here. I also noticed a few grammatical errors. Much better to spell numbers out rather than put them in their numerical form, so six rather than 6. I'd like to see what's going through the characters mind when she sees this sight. Good length for a prologue but more drama is needed to make it gripping.

Chapter One
Again I can still see the same mistakes here. I understand this is supposed to be a thriller but so far due to the lack of show v tell, I don't feel thrilled by it. I could see a few tense issues here and the same problem with the numbers was also present. I am finding this chapter a bit of a muddle as I'm unclear what's going on.

Chapter Two.
Ok I'm getting more of an idea of what the plot is about. There are two important things to remember when writing multiple point of view stories, especially when they're in the first person. The first thing this writer has. They give each character their own separate parts. However, it is vital that all pov characters have unique voices and I didn't think these two had that. They didn't sound unique in their voices and that lets this book down"

arrally How to Bake a Pumpkin Pie
Sorry this book has been eliminated ❌

I'm sorry to say I didn't find this story very interesting. The most important element to any story whether it's a novel or a short story is a hook. You need something to enchant and interest the reader to continue reading and the first chapter read like a recipe book instead of a work of fiction. The other two chapters didn't do it for me either.

FmEver Dangerous Memory
Through to the next round ✅

"This feedback will be given chapter by chapter

Chapter one - The beginning of this book was very well done and brought me as the reader in instantly. The detail the pace it was all there and written in a way that pulled the reader in. It was all there but after the first part was over and we got to the car almost hitting the main character the pace quickened and a lot happened in a very small space. The pace that had been set at the beginning was gone and it was now very fast and made you disconnect with the character in a way. I feel if the pace that was set out at the beginning was followed this chapter would be great and would allow us as the reader to really feel the fact this character has been effected a lot by their memory loss not because we keep getting told but by showing us and you have great scene to show this such as the doctors office but maybe just expand them a little and show them in greater detail. There's a few small spelling mistakes but nothing that can't be fixed and it doesn't ruin the story. Overall for this chapter I think it's a great story so far and I'm excited to see where it's going.

Chapter Two - I think you have a really good premise here but I again found this chapters pacing to be so fast. It wasn't long but I feel expanding on the car journey and albas emotions and how it made her feel through descriptions of how the car moving and the people talking instead of telling us she felt uncomfortable. I also found the talking hard to follow I sometimes wasn't sure who was saying what and who too. I think this chapter would be great if it was just slown down and expanded on so we felt it along with character and understood her actions a lot more. There were a few more spelling mistakes but overall the story is definitely there.

Chapter Three - the end of this was a lot easier to read with the pace slowing a little but it did feel like a lot of information was given at once and slowing it down even more will improve it. I again found following conversations very hard as there's sometimes never anything that shows us who is speaking and sometimes one paragraph will say something and the next one will contradicted the one above which can make it a little confusing. I suggest a re-read of this and some editing will really improve it but the story is going somewhere which is good."