If My Dad Was Batman: A SpongeBob Fanfiction

Chapter Nine

One day ago…

We sit down and eat dinner as we talk with Buzz, the dinosaur from chapter seven. “So, how'd you know to come find us?” I ask. “The painting,” Buzz answers, pointing at the octopus painting we found. “What do you mean? Is the painting a beacon of some sort?” I ask. “Oi, mates, I reckon the dinosaur will tell ya’ what it is if you shut up,” Goku says, walking in through the door. “Goku, I see you're back from vacation,” says Buzz. 

Buzz stretches before leaning forward. In a calm and collected tone, he says, “You see, the painting sent a signal to many of us agents the moment it was removed from its chest. You see, a man is looking for it. His intentions are a mystery as much as he is. The only things you can find out about him are who his employees are. Green Goblin was one of the goons, and many more will arrive for this painting. Currently, all the goons fall under the closest general. That man would be Spider-Man.” “Spider-Man?” I ask. “Yes, Spider-Man,” he answers. “Does Dutch Van Der Linde work for him?” I ask. “Dutch? Never heard of him,” answers Buzz.

“Wait so, if all the people working for this mysterious man could sense the painting being discovered, how did you know where it was?” asks my dad, Batman. “Oh, that is quite simple. I was once a high ranking member, working alongside Spider-Man. Unfortunately, things didn't work out,” Buzz explains. “What happened?” I ask. “You're not ready to learn,” Buzz says. Just as my dad, Batman, was about to demand answers, Spongebob comes in holding his newborn son. “Congratulations,” I say. “Thank you! This is my newborn son, Axel! Do you think we can teach him how to jellyfish?” SpongeBob asks, holding up his son. “Maybe tomorrow,” my dad, Batman, answers. Spongebob and Sandy wave goodbye.

“Now, Buzz, what do you mean we're not ready to learn what happened?” my dad, Batman, asks. “You really are not ready to learn. You don’t yet know the details that will help it all make sense. I am afraid it's not my place to give you the details. You will discover more when you are worthy,” Buzz explains. 

Suddenly, the Riddler bursts through the door. “At last, Corbin, we finally meet again,” he says, pulling out his shotgun. “And is this Buzz I see with you? No surprise the traitor can be found amongst you fools,” says the Riddler. “They're the fools?” asks Buzz. “Of course! Nobody is smarter than I, the Riddler!” he answers proudly. “You're not smart, you're just sick! Nearly as sick as the company you work for!” shouts Buzz, gripping his shotgun tighter. “I won't have to kill you idiots as long as you hand the painting over to me,” says the Riddler. “Never!” shouts my dad, Batman. 

Goku’s epee is already drawn, as well as mine. “Oh, so the fools are capable of fencing?” asks the Riddler. “More than capable of defeating you,” I say coldly. The Riddler opens fire, his shotgun turning out to be automatic, and seemingly never running out of ammo. We quickly take cover behind the couch. “Ah, it seems they've promoted you to an elite, Riddler. Are you really the best the company has?” Buzz taunts. “Oh, you have no idea, Buzz. Since you left, the gear got so much better that us regular goons now have the equipment the elites used to have. I'm really doing you fools a favor by killing you. The elite’s new weapons would leave you unrecognizable,” says the Riddler. 

Suddenly, I throw my epee at the Riddler, hitting his arm, causing him to fall to the ground. Buzz rushes over and aims his shotgun at the Riddler. “Any last words?” asks Buzz. “Wait! I'm simply a misunderstood villain. When I was a boy, my dad would abuse me. He would always be angry at me and break my toys. And my mother wasn't any better. Do you think she gave me hugs and kisses? No! All she would give me was steak and kidney pie!” the Riddler sobs. “You couldn't pay me to eat that,” says Mr. Garrison from outside. “Too bad, Riddler,” says Buzz, putting his finger on the trigger. “Wait, Buzz! Killing him won't make you better than the company!” I shout.

Buzz pauses a moment before groaning, putting his shotgun away. “Get out of here, Riddler,” says Buzz. The Riddler quickly stands up and rushes for the door. But just when we think it's over, he turns around, pulling out another shotgun and shouting, “Surprise shotgun!”

But before he can properly aim it at us, Buzz pulls the trigger on his shotgun…

The sun shines bright on a warm summer’s evening. Sitting in a park together we can see Buzz and the Riddler in their teenage years. “You're my best friend forever!” Buzz says. “So are you!” the Riddler says. “We will never ever be enemies!” they shout together. 

The Riddler hits the ground, dead. “But we spared him,” I say, my voice filled with fear and shock.
Buzz turns to us with a hidden pain on his face. 

He says in a cold, deep tone, “You need to do it my way if you wish to stand a chance against Spiderman.”