If None Of It Had Happened (If He Had Been With Me)

Chapter 4 (Chapter 85 Rewrite)

Once again I wake to the comforting smell of Finny as his arms encircle me in a warm embrace. Today is the day. He's going to talk to Sylvie.

Saying that I am nervous is quite the understatement. I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself while I wait. I really want him to have the closure he needs, but if it doesn't go well I'm going to need to be there for him. Even though I know how he's felt for our entire childhoods now... I know he still cared for Sylvie and it's going to hurt him to move on from that chapter of his life.

Although I still can't shake the voice in the back of my mind that's telling me he loves her more and I'll never be what he needs, it's quieter now and I know Finny's feelings are more important. This isn't about me, and I need to realize that.

"Good morning, Autumn Rose." Finny yawns and grins up at me like a fool. I catch a whiff of his morning breath and I don't even find myself disgusted in the slightest. He is just too perfect.

"Good morning, sleepy head." I plant a kiss on his forehead, and he leans into me.

"Can we just stay in this bed forever and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist." He mumbles into the curve of my neck where he's now buried his head.

"No, silly. And anyway, you have things to do today. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to Sylvie, and you know it. I'll still be here for you when you get back. Don't worry your pretty little head." I give him a quick squeeze and then scoot off the side of the bed so I can get dressed.

"I know, I'm just terrified of what she's going to say. I know she acted like it was fine that I broke up with her... but I know texting it was shitty and it hurt her. I just don't want to see her hurt because of me, that's all." Finny looks stricken and I wish I could just ease his mind, but I can almost guarantee that talking through it is going to make it so much better anyway.

"It's going to be like a weight has lifted off your shoulders once you guys talk. It's going to be okay, even if you're both upset right now."

After I yank on a t-shirt and one of my favorite skirts, I walk back over to the side of the bed that Finny slept and take both of his hands in mine, yanking him up into a sitting position. Still holding both of his hands, I sit next to him and hold eye contact.

"You are a good person. You love unconditionally, and you would never intentionally hurt someone. The fact that you broke up with Sylvie when you did because you knew how it would affect her had you not shows what kind of person you are already, Finny Smith. The least you can do is finally let yourself have peace. You deserve to attempt to leave on good terms and maybe even keep your friendship. You both deserve that much." Finny closes his eyes and inhales sharply, obviously taking in my words. I softly kiss each of his eyelids and feel the tension ease.

"Okay. I should probably go home and get ready. I'll meet you back here afterwards, okay?" Finny plants a kiss to my lips and stands to leave.

"Sounds good. And when you get there, just speak from your heart. You'll know what you need to say." He smiles at me and then turns and walks out of my bedroom.

***

I'm sitting anxiously on my front porch waiting for Finny to get back. I know it's only been about an hour since he told me he was leaving, but I so desperately want him here with me again.

Even so, I hope that him and Sylvie are sorting things out.

The fact that he made the decision to end things just because of how he knew he felt about me is such a weird thought. He didn't even have an inkling of a thought that I felt the same, and yet he was willing to just stay on the sidelines happy that we were even just friends again if it meant that I was happy. He was willing to keep his feelings locked away just to remain in the same lifetime with me. Finny is one of the most selfless and beautiful people I think I'll ever know, and I still don't know what I did to deserve him.

I am quickly jerked out of my thoughts to the sound of Finny's car pulling into my driveway.

I can't tell through the windshield the look on his face, but I immediately stand and dust off my skirt waiting for him to make his way over.

I'm not even sure he's seen me sitting here yet and my fists clench in anticipation.

He opens his door and gets out of the car, his gaze immediately finding mine. He doesn't look too upset, but his expression is almost unreadable.

"Hey." He offers a small smile, and I unclench my fists at my sides. I'm sure I left little crescent moons on my palms from squeezing my hands so hard, but oh well.

"Hi." I breathe and walk towards Finny, "How'd it go?"

It's an innocent enough question, and although he could reply with a simple "fine" I hope he opens up to me.

"I think that it was as good as a talk like that can go. Sylvie was extremely upset, and I totally understand why. She has been worried about my past feelings for who throughout our entire relationship, so for me to break up with her because of my love for you was extremely hard for her to come to terms with. She really laid it on me for about thirty straight minutes, and I one hundred percent deserved every last word. But... it was such a good conversation. She wants us both to be happy, and she was starting to realize that our relationship wasn't doing either of us any favors. She confided in me about her own struggles. She told me that our relationship was comfortable for her because it never felt much deeper than a simple friendship, which is not wrong, and she used it as a crutch because she was scared." He pauses and looks into my eyes, a seriousness coming over his features, "She trusted me to tell you this, and I trust you to keep it to yourself, but Sylvie was hurt once before by someone she thought she could trust. Her relationships, both romantic and not, have been a struggle for her. Our break up has now given her a chance to grow and learn to trust again, and I'm going to be there for her as her friend. We truly ended on the best terms, Autumn."

There are tears in his eyes as he continues telling me all about their car ride and what they talked about. I can't help but feel a weight lift off my chest at his words.

I was worried that this would affect Finny in the worst way, but in the end I think it's going to strengthen him. And he's going to have kept a beautiful friendship with Sylvie and from the sound of it, it's going to be good for both of them.

As Finny finally finishes telling me about the car ride, he pulls me into a tight hug. Even though it went well, I know he still needs the comfort. As long as I live Finny is always going to have me on his team, and I know that he'll always be on mine.

Finny and Autumn and Autumn and Finny.

We're home.