angeline (2)

oh baby

angeline

sitting at the doctors after a day like today seems weird.

of course after what happened, i was told that the baby was okay and it is proven now, but i still want to be positive and to get different kinds of information.

eddie grabs my hand in his and i smile at him. there are women all around us, some with their partners.

i pick up a magazine from the coffee table and sigh, leaning on eddie as i open it up.

immediately i get a visual of the tearing that could happen and i flip to the next page.

its all about the different movements and how a woman's organs shift during pregnancy.

the way the body can recreate is astonishing. your heart will beat up to 40% faster than usual.

as a paramedic, i know a lot about pregnancies, but it being my own makes it completely different.

"angeline buckley?" my head shoots up and i set the magazine down as eddie and i make our way to her.

she leads us to an exam room and i sit on the bed awkwardly. eddie takes a seat in the chair next to the bed and holds my hand tightly.

"alright, my name is fiona and i will be your untrasound tech throughout your pregnancy. what we are going to do today is going over a few things and then get some pictures of your baby, okay?" fiona says softly.

eddie and i both nod. i anxiously fiddle with the hem of my shirt as she pulls up my file.

"is there medication you are taking?" she asks, typing away.

"no, only tylenol if i am in pain." i shake my head. "i dont like taking pills unless needed."

"thats okay. im the same way, honey." she smiles brightly.

"so, i read over your file before your appointment and i just want to go over how your past may have some effects with the baby."

i squeeze eddie's hand tighter and bite my lip.

"it says here that you had a uterine tear. now, this could cause you to be in bed rest towards the end of term, but it could also mean nothing at all. moral of the story, we will be having more frequent meetings together just to make sure everything is going alright so if something was to happen, we would catch it early enough to solve the problem." i nod along.

"based on the last ultrasounds after the tear and the one you had earlier today, i dont see it becoming much of a problem." she stands from the computer and slips on gloves.

"do you guys have any questions for me before we get started on the ultrasound?" fiona asks.

"i just want to make sure i am okay continuing my job. i am a firefighter paramedic and i dont want to put our baby into any unnecessary danger." i say, looking over at eddie. he gives me an encouraging smile and squeezes my shoulder.

"as long as you stay out of it on the very dangerous situations, it should be okay. it is up to you to determine what situations you should or should not be in. does your boss know?"

"yes, our captain is aware. we told him as soon as we found out to play it safe." i explain.

"then you should be just fine. any questions from dad?" she turns towards eddie, whos been silent this whole time.

"oh, no. im just so happy." he grins.

"perfect. this can go on the waistband of your pants to protect them and then can i have you lift your shirt to your bra?" i nod as she wheels a machine over.

i tuck the towel under my pants and lift my shirt up as she gets situated.

"this gel is going to be cold, just a warning."

shit

she was right. its like ice is on my abdomen currently.

the screen is just gray and black lines until suddenly theres a white blob in the center.

"oh, baby," eddie whispers. i see tears well up in his eyes as my own do the same.

"we made that." i whisper back, a tear trickling down my cheek. we continue to stare at the white spec on the screen as fiona moves the wand around.

"your baby is perfectly healthy. i will get some pictures printed for you guys and then we will set up an appointment in three weeks, okay?" she says, handing me another towel.

i grin and wipe off my stomach, fixing my pants and shirt.

i hop off the table and we get the next appointment scheduled, the giddy smiles on our faces never leaving.

i cant believe we are having a baby.