Days of Healing

Day 4

I always knew I kept my feelings discreet

That mechanism became a detriment to me

Kept emotions bottled up to not bear the heat

Because my cries were put on mute for emotional defeat.

Isolated, cold-hearted, that's how it started

Mom only knew how to work and that was the hardest

Dad's emotional trauma pushed him the farthest

Father wasn't responsive to his son's hardship.

I became self-sufficient and closed myself in

Because to me, my own emotions felt like a sin

Removed from equations and put others first

That became the quickest way to put my heart in a hurse-

It burst into pieces, it's hard to recollect

Ties with my emotions I would reject

Went from human to machine, projected as perfect

But my upbringing left scars and that isn't worth it.

I was left with inconsistent rearing

Unconventional parenting with haphazard steering

I was never shown much emotional care

And as a kid if you asked, I'd say "How is this fair?"-

Pinpoint the cause and iron out the effect

To cure my avoidance, I must be direct

This is about love, this is about respect

Try to pull me in and defenses will detect-

An error in system that's called my brain

From the pain I endured there's emotional strain

I remain conflicted and now exposed

But Mi Amor knew best, this is a road I chose.

I must confront my flaws and make things whole

So, in the future my kids don't have to travel this road

My heart feels pained but I have to let it show

Or else it'll explode, and I'll be left with "Where did the love go?"