Losing All Religion

Aaron Carver- Present Day

I've been working on the new updates for the model my engineer team has been slaving over the past few weeks. We do have a deadline to keep to, and I can't help but zone out as I do what I've done since high school. It's like breathing at this point, and it's the only time I can really breathe.

It's been five years since I lost my mom today, and I try my best to keep from looking at all the pictures and memories that my siblings, nieces and nephews are sharing, knowing that if I take one look at it, I'll lose it. I should have taken the day off, but I run from my problems the best way I know how - I ignore them until I no longer can't. And when that doesn't work, I drink.

To top it off, my girlfriend of over a year left me last week-claiming I wasn't attentive to her needs and was too distracting for her career. It's not surprising that she left when everyone else has. I guess I should have tried harder with Alexis, but even she couldn't hold a candle to HER... It's been years since we talked, since I last saw her, but Marie haunts me, even now.

I can't go down that road either. So I shake my head and my thoughts away and return my focus on the machine sitting in front of me and work out the mechanics in my mind, trying to figure out what's next.

The problem is that I have too many memories of my job tied up with Marie, and the reprieve of work is overshadowed by who I once thought I was doing this all for...for her. It was never for me.

Am I good at what I do? Absolutely. Mechanical engineering isn't exactly rocket science.

But it's no longer my passion.

It's just a distraction from the dark thoughts that I've had to bury my entire life, as more and more people left me.

Knowing I'm not going to get any good work done until I've had something to eat, and a break from my dark thoughts, I let the team lead know that I'm heading out for lunch and will be back soon. He nods in agreement, and I grab my jacket from the back of my chair, swipe my badge, and head out the door.

*********************************

I can't seem to tune out the Marie thoughts from my head, even though I thought I'd perfected that by now.

I decided I needed a caffeine fix, so I decided to take my Harley out to my favorite coffee shop. Riding the Harley always gives me a sense of a rush and makes my body simultaneously come to life and closer to death.

I end up at the coffee shop later than I'd like because California traffic is the literal worst. I step in and take a deep inhale of the coffee shop, letting it wake up my senses. I scan the place and freeze as I see HER.

Karma is a bitch and it's almost like the universe enjoys tormenting me. How could just my thoughts summon her here?

I shake my head, trying to make her go away, but she's still here. Fuck.

I grab a coffee and a blueberry muffin, and decide to just get this the fuck over with.

I sit down across from her casually, and she still hasn't looked up at me. My legs spread around her, as they've always done. It's a natural reaction whenever she's around, and I know she thought it was for more space, but I never did this with anyone else. It's been over a decade since I've seen her, but my body still knows her.

Fucking Marie. Only she could affect me this way.

She sucks in a breath as she glances up to meet my gaze. Finally!

"What the fuck are you doing here, Marie?" Slips out of my lips before I can stop them...my brain seems to not want to communicate with my body.

"I live here, Aaron." She responds, her bright beautiful blue eyes never leaving mine.