Haikyuu Oneshots

The Sun Burns Out Eventually

I'm a warrior.

I'm a warrior but before a game starts, I get nervous. I get really nervous because the course of the game isn't set in stone and a single second can change the outcome of the game. It's always terrifying to not know when or how a game is going to go, but whenever I'm nervous, there's only one thing that makes me calm, and that's the thought of me dying.

I grew up in the home where my father wasn't really around, but when he was, it was a horrible experience. He was always drunk and my mother wouldn't ever do anything about it. I had to protect Natsu, and I couldn't let her find out about things that happened when she was asleep. She'd see the bruises on me, sometimes cuts on my face, and I would tell her that I got it from volleyball or from falling, which was common since my balance was sometimes shit.

The one thing that would continue to keep me sane was death. I never acted out on those thoughts though. Natsu was still so young and she needed me to protect her since our mother wouldn't. She wasn't a bad mother to Natsu, but to me she was almost a stranger. I had to keep going, through all those beatings and thought those fights, getting called useless and worthless, being yelled at for the smallest things, but at least I was allowed to play volleyball.

Volleyball was a sort of escape from everything that surrounded me, it was like heaven, but even though volleyball was an escape, I couldn't get rid of all those thoughts that kept telling me I was worth nothing, that it didn't matter whether I was in a game or not, that everyone found me annoying, that I was just a bother to everyone. When those thoughts came, all I would think about was death.

Death was peaceful. It would be calming, it was like you'd get to finally rest. There would be no more problems, or thoughts about me ruining everything. It would just be... Peaceful. The clouds looked so soft, like nothing would be able to wake you up early and like you could sleep in without a worry. I'd like to show up in the sky one day, maybe as a cloud or a sunset, maybe as a sunray. I just wanted peace.

I was tired. Tired of everything that happened around me. Tired of the way that my mother wouldn't ever bother to stand up for me. Tired of all the practices, the extra work, the extra running. Tired of the way people would say things as if it meant nothing. I was tired. I wanted to sleep and not have to worry about anything. Death was my peace.

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I'm playing for Black Jackals, professionally. My sister is finally playing volleyball herself, and she's really good. She has the power an ace should have, and sometimes I envy her.

My teammates are really cool, I got into the same team as Bokuto-san, Atsumu, and Sakusa who was the number one ace in the youth of Japan while I was in high school as well. They're all really amazing and I'm doing good, but compared to them, I feel like I'm lacking, and even though I feel this way, I got a pretty cool nickname.

Kenma is doing great as well, hes rich, although he almost got cancelled a couple of times and his apologies were never actual apologies. Hes iconic though and I really admire him, hes my best friend. Hes also dating Kuroo-san who somehow also became rich and they're doing really well.

Me and Kageyama are also doing well. We're long distance though, which sometimes makes things a bit difficult for me and it gets pretty frustrating. Recently, we haven't really spoken too much and it's all due to busy schedules but I know that we're okay, at least I hope we are.

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It's really hard to explain what happened. As much as I try to remember what happened, I can't seem to remember what it was. I have never thought about actually killing myself, but recently, it's all I can't think about. I'm not quite sure what triggered this feeling but it's really strong. Ive thought about many different ways I could die and I've written letters to everyone. Every person has a letter dedicated to them.