A disastrous book

Chapter 7: Panic attack

Riley's POV

It's happening all over again.

I abruptly stand up and rush out of the classroom, not caring how weird I looked and ignoring the principal calling me.

I feel like I'm gonna die.

For the second time, I enter the bathroom and collapse on the floor, holding my knees to my chest as I struggle to breath, feeling like I'm gonna pass out.

I hear buzzing in my ear, but in the background I hear a muffled voice. It sounds like it was calling my name.

"Riley...Riley!"

I hear it more clearly now, as a blurry face enters my vision.

"Riley, can you hear me?"

I'm too panicked to speak, unable to form any words due to my shortness of breath, but I think I managed to nod.

"Focus on me" the voice said "I want you to focus on three things that you are able to see."

I blink a few times, my vision slightly adjusting, and I can make out Riley's face in front of me.

"Tell me three things you can see" she says, her voice a bit clearer now.

I see Riley.

"You" I croak, finding my voice and looking around me " a sink" I name the object in my line of vision, "a door".

"Good! Now tell me three things you hear" she encourages me as the ringing in my ears subsides, her voice now loud and clear.

"Your voice" she nods for me to keep going, my heart still beating rapidly, "my heart beats" I focus more, hearing the sound of faint water drops from the sink "water drops".

"You did so good! Now I want you to move three body parts, can you do that for me?" She pleads as I find the strength to move my fingers, feeling oddly sore like I haven't moved them for hours, I try and rotate my ankle, and finally I move my legs that were glued to my chest.

My breathing calms down and I look back at Riley who's giving me a gentle smile.

"I-I don't know what happened to me" I say as tears sprung in my eyes.

"You had a panic attack" She places her hand on my knee. "It's over though, you got through it." She says proudly.

"How did you know what to do?"

"I've had few myself. I had to learn how to get through them, it's not a nice feeling, but it doesn't last ." She smiles sadly.

No, it's not a nice feeling.

"You must have taken the news badly" she starts " Mr Wheeler must have been special to you. I'm sorry." She apologises, and in a way, she isn't wrong. He was part of why I had this panic attack, just not for the reason she thinks.

"Yeah, he was." He wasn't really.

"Are you ready to get back to class?" She asks, and I think I'm about to have a round two when I remember who is in that class.

She senses my panicked state " We don't have to though. I'm sure today they're not gonna be teaching any classes anyway. We can just hang out here till school ends or we can just get out of here " She suggests.

I shake my head " no it's okay, let's stay. I just- I just don't want to get back to class right now."

I don't want to see him.

She nods and slides down next to me. We just sit here in silence, and weirdly, I don't mind it much. It feels comfortable. It feels normal.

I don't know how much time we sit there, but we eventually get up and head to the cafeteria. Looks like it was lunchtime.

Unlike any normal day, the cafeteria was awfully quiet. The tension and dark atmosphere are palpable.

I take my usual seat next to Alex, who was strangely not sitting alone. I guess sitting with Riley made us more "approachable".

"Where were you?" He nudges me.

"Wasn't feeling too good." I shrug. I don't know how else to explain it because Alex knows I don't get affected easily if something bad happened to someone I barely know or am not close to, so me telling him I had my first panic attack over the death of our Chemistry teacher will surely lead to more questioning. It's not like I wouldn't feel sad, I'm not heartless. Just like the others, I would grieve and attend his funeral, then move on with my life normally. But the guilt that I might have manifested this and the appearance of yet another character of mine has definitely sent me spiralling.

We silently eat lunch, barely acknowledging each other, each one lost in their own head. Not even the jocks tried to flirt with Riley. The table was dead silent.

We went through our other classes, teachers barely giving us any work, the principal would often walk in and inform us about the details of the funeral, and how we would be helping with the preparations. It was to be held on Friday, meaning we had three days to prepare.

Finally, it was time to go home. I packed my books and met up with Riley and Alex.

"Don't worry Riley, I'll go slow this time!" Alex tries to convince a pale looking Riley.

"The hell you are" I interrupt. "I still have the keys, remember?" I smirk at his angry expression. Alex has a natural smiley, friendly face, unlike my resting bitch one, so seeing him angry while looking like a toddler trying a lemon for the first time is rather amusing. It's hard to take him seriously.

"Fine. We'll take the bus then." He bitterly says as relief washes over Riley.

I then remember something.

"Ah shit, I think I left my notebook in my locker. You guys go ahead and wait for me, I'll be out in a sec" they nod as they walk out and I go back to my locker to retrieve my notebook.

"Where are you?" I sigh in frustration when I don't find it.

I then open my bag and slam my head on the locker once I find it there.

Why do I do this to myself?

God, I swear I felt like I had to get something from my locker. I'm going crazy.

I shut it and place the bag over my shoulder, when a voice behind me stops me in my tracks.

"Miss Sinclair?"

Oh my God.

This voice.

I stay rooted in my place before mustering up the courage to turn around.

I do it slowly, and I have to look up to see his face.

We make eye contact and I gulp.

Those eyes. Those same piercing eyes that once gazed into my soul, and stripped it naked. Eyes that were too familiar, that I got lost in them countless of times. Eyes that visited me at night, and would often steal my attention during the daylight. Eyes that were meant for me, and only me to look into.

They're his eyes.

It's him.

-

Nothing crazy really happens in this chapter, but I just felt like writing more about how Riley is feeling, and how she is processing all of what's happening. 

But BOY I cannot wait to post the next chapter for you to finally meet the new character.

I also want to thank you all for reading, and I appreciate the hell out of your support and feedback. See you next chapter!