A disastrous book

Chapter 8: The sub

Riley's POV

"Miss Sinclair, is it?" He asks and I silently gasp when I hear his voice again, his deep, velvety voice that haunted my dreams.

I haven't had the chance to really look at him before when I was on the verge of a breakdown, but now seeing him up close, I am left speechless.

His dark thick hair rests neatly on his head, thick eyebrows furrowed causing a light wrinkle to appear on his forehead. His magnetising icy blue eyes gazed intensely into my own, and they would often disappear behind his curled eyelashes whenever he blinked. His lips formed a straight line, making his already sharp jawline more prominent, dusted by a slight stubble.

His face was the perfect combination of rugged and gorgeous.

I break the eye contact while my eyes travel down his neck and broad shoulders.

He was wearing a dark purple shirt that hugged his torso tightly, the sleeves were rolled up, reaching beneath his elbows and exposing his veiny arms that were by his side, his hands tucked in the pockets of his black pants. Faint black marks creeped up underneath the sleeves, stopping in the middle of his forearm, where a tattoo was hidden. But I've seen that tattoo that covers his entire left upper arm, and extends to his shoulder, his collarbone, and the side of his neck.

I know it all too well.

"You left my class in such a hurry, you didn't look okay." He said, and I was shocked by the concern laced in his voice.

I said nothing.

"I know everybody took the news quite badly, but you seemed to be affected the most. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He half smiled, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was worried? About me?

I just stood there, unable to get any words out. I thought meeting Riley was hard, but this, this was too much.

Tears gathered in my eyes and when he noticed, he tried to step forward but I stepped back immediately, my hand flying to my mouth as a sob breaks through me.

"Miss Sinclair-"

I shake my head as I turn around and run, tears blurring my eyes as I can't make out where I'm going, but I needed to get as far away from him as possible.

I finally see the bathroom door and push it open for the third time this day, and collapse on the floor crying my eyes out.

Different emotions go through me all at once, and it's fucking overwhelming.

I feel so embarrassed, disgusting, ugly, pathetic, you name it.

There he was, the man of my dreams, that I considered perfection, and here I was, a disgusting slob.

This is what I always tried to avoid, feeling this way, letting these negative thoughts crawl their way into my brain and infest it. For the majority of my life, I always let these thoughts get to me, discourage me and make me feel worthless. I worked so hard on myself to feel beautiful, confident, and worthy. I was still a piece of work, but I was getting there. I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, sure I'd have some bad days, but I was starting to grow and appreciate my appearance more, excepting my imperfections and learning to love them. I was doing so well.

But at this moment, it all came crashing down.

All the efforts of telling myself over and over again that I AM beautiful, have fallen on deaf ears. At this moment, I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel confident. At this moment, I feel like the scum of the earth, a hideous being. Because when I looked into his eyes, that's all I saw.