Rock Starz

6| Amplifier

"What on earth were you just talking about? I only have one amplifier." Nathan hissed in surprise.
"I don't know how to get home Nathan. I've never taken a bus in my entire life. I was dropped off at your place by Ferdinand." Nathan sighed, then he smiled.
"Everyone always says that the royal family are just people, like we are, but that's not true. You guys are a whole different breed." James rolled his eyes and kicked Nathan's leg.
"You're going to teach me, right? To be your kind?" Nathan laughed and nodded.
"Yes, of course." At the next stop, the two got out and Nathan led the way. Eventually, they came to the huge gate in front of Nathan's house.
"There you go, your house, Prince James." Nathan was going to walk back to the bus but James grabbed Nathan's arm.
"Your amplifier, remember?" Nathan frowned. James started to climb over the fence and Nathan felt uncomfortable in the situation.
"James, you're home. If I don't come home before nightfall, my dad will kill me." James jumped and was now behind the gate.
"Okay, Cinderella. Your prince is waiting here. We'll call your dad when we get inside." Nathan rolled his eyes and started to climb over the gate. Eventually, he fell off and landed with a thud on the ground.
"Ow, fuck." He muttered and James started laughing.
"Oh you're pathetic I thought you had more in you for a rock star." James helped Nathan up.
"I think it's a very good thing that I don't know how to break in!" He shouted in frustration. James laughed and the two walked to the entrance.
"Why do you live here, and not in Buckingham Palace?" James fumbled with a key.
"My dad had to take care of something, I don't know the details. So instead of continuing to travel, we're living here for a while." The door opened and the large hall was dimly lit. James kicked off his shoes, landing somewhere in the middle of the path.
"Then my dad and I had a fight about the length of my hair, I ran off to a bar, and that's how I met you guys. I saw you perform a few times before I dared to get involved, and now we're here." Ferdinand took James' coat as Nathan shook his head with a smile.
"Should I prepare a guest room for your guest, James?" James shook his head.
"My bed is big enough." He said and Nathan frowned.
"James, I'm not staying the night, I really have to go home-" James ignored Nathan completely and the two walked upstairs.
"Should I carry your suitcase, Nathan?" Ferdinand stood with James' suitcase in one hand and he still had room for another.
"No, don't worry, I won't be here long anyway." James again ignored what his friend said and they finally made it into his room.
"Here, call home. Let them know you're not dead, or whatever." James handed over a phone that was attached to the wall with a cord. Nathan frowned.
"Why do you have a phone in your own room?!" But James ignored him again and walked towards his bed. Nathan dialled his home number and put his ear to the receiver.
"Hello?" Nathan recognised his sister's voice.
"Hey, Clara."
"Nathan, why aren't you home yet and Devon is?" Nathan sighed and glanced at James.
"I left my amplifier at James's, so I went with him to pick it up." Nathan heard his sister sigh on the other end of the line.
"Why so late Nate? The buses aren't running anymore." Nathan bit his lip, he hadn't planned this out, but otherwise James wouldn't have known his way home.
"Can dad come pick me up? Why didn't he answer the phone by the way?" Nathan asked then.
"Nathan, I think dad has had another one of his relapses." Nathan looked at the wall in shock.
"How bad is it?" His sister remained silent for a moment.
"He's pretty drunk but that's it. So he can't come and get you." Nathan sighed, he was worried about his father and he wanted nothing more than to get home and make his father feel better.
"Can you come get me Clara?" Clara clicked her tongue thoughtfully.
"He'll be fine Nathan. Don't worry. Can't you stay the night at your friend's." Nathan hated that he didn't know exactly what was going on.
"Can you come get me Clara?" He asked again, emphasising can.
"I don't like driving in the dark Nathan, and I don't like leaving dad alone when he's like this. Take the bus tomorrow." Nathan was starting to get irritated. He felt helpless and he was, there was absolutely nothing he could do about the situation.
"Clara-" But she had already hung up. Nathan groaned in annoyance and put the phone down.
"What was that about?" Nathan looked at James who was sitting on his bed, he had taken off his eyeliner and he seemed a lot milder and more innocent now. It was the first time Nathan had seen him like this.
"Trouble with my father. Sometimes he misses my mother so much, and then he goes crazy in his head, then he can't stop drinking and he gets angry." James looked at Nathan worriedly.
"That must be very hard for you, to see him like that." Nathan looked at James, he immediately felt that James meant it. That he really felt terrible for him. Which was something he didn't really expect.
"I suppose, fortunately it's not that bad anymore, and it happens less now so..." Nathan ended the conversation.
"I bet it's terrible for you to see him deal with his grief like that. And you have to stay strong while you're grieving too." Nathan looked up a little surprised. James was going in a certain direction that Nathan didn't want to go in at all.
"My mother was my father's love of his life. He's never loved anyone as much as he loved her." Nathan forgave his father for his behaviour.
"But she was your mother." Nathan kept a respectful distance from James.
"My father knew her much longer than I knew her." Nathan stood up for his father.
"But you've known her since the moment you first opened your eyes. She took care of you most of your life. She was your mother, Nathan. You're allowed to be sad about that." Nathan felt a conflict in his body at James's words.
"I've grieved for a year James, that's enough if you ask me. I've had my time." Nathan held strong and he kicked off his shoes and plopped down on the other side of the bed.
"But did you close it properly? Did you accept it? Have you found peace with it?" James looked at Nathan with a worried look. Nathan bit his lip in restraint, what was James trying to achieve?
"What are you doing?" Nathan asked warily, confused by what James was saying to him.
"You miss her, don't you?" Nathan didn't know whether to go along with this or not. He had only known James for a week, and yes, he had seen him a lot that week but this felt too close.
"I mean, I can live without her." James looked at Nathan.
"Do you miss her Nathan?" Nathan's lip trembled and he could hardly take it anymore.
"James, just stop." He said weakly. He felt his eyes sting with tears but he tried to hold them back. James put his hand on Nathan's knee.
"You're allowed to miss your mother Nathan." He said in a calm soothing voice.
"Do you miss her?" James asked another time, Nathan burst into tears.
"Yes of course I miss her! But I have to stay strong! I'm the only thing that gives our family any life at all! If I'm not my happy, adult self at home everything falls apart! Is that what you want to hear James?! That my life is hanging by a thread while yours is running smoothly?! What do you want me to say?!" James looked at Nathan in shock at his outburst. Finally he grabbed him in a hug.
"I don't want you to say anything. I want you to know that you don't have to stay strong for me." Nathan was startled by the sudden hug and he pushed James roughly aside. He looked at him with wide eyes, his cheeks wet with tears.
"It's okay, Nathan." James looked at Nathan kindly. Nathan looked at James still shocked. Then he leaned back a little.
"It's okay." James repeated. Nathan threw his arms around James, grabbed him tightly and started to cry on his shoulder. James was startled by the sudden contact but then grabbed him tightly as well.
"I can't pretend it never happened James. I can't keep doing this." James rubbed his hand over Nathan's back and soothed him.
"You don't have to do anything Nathan."
"The band is so important to me because it's my only way out. And if we finally succeed, then maybe I can leave for good."