Under My Body

chapter fourteen

             I stood in front of the full-length mirror, smoothing out the tight leopard print bodycon dress that clung to my curves. The fabric felt sleek under my fingers, and the bold pattern made me feel daring, unlike the usual me. I had straightened my hair, the silky strands falling pin-straight down my back, and my lips were painted a deep, daring red, matching the boldness of my black smokey eyes. As a final touch, I slipped into black kitten heels—perfect for keeping me comfortable without sacrificing the sex appeal.

For a moment, I felt good. The dress hugged me in all the right places, and the heels gave me a subtle lift, a little boost of confidence that made me stand taller. As a big girl, I often find myself sticking to more practical choices in footwear, but these heels? They made me feel confident. Sexy, even. A small smile tugged at my lips at my image in the mirror. I could do this. I could go out, have fun, and maybe—just maybe—keep the tension between Brie-Ann and me from ruining the night.

But then, like always, my mind betrayed me. I shifted my weight slightly, catching a different angle of my reflection, and the smile faded. My stomach—there it was. The way the dress clung to my midsection made my tummy rolls more obvious. My fingers grazed the fabric again, but this time I wasn't admiring it. I was tugging at it, trying to smooth it over, hide what I didn't want to see. The bold pattern that once felt daring now felt like it was drawing attention to every flaw.

"Maybe I should change," I whispered to myself, my throat tightening. "Something that doesn't look this bad."

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling the familiar wave of insecurity crash over me. My chest felt heavy, and that brief flash of confidence seemed like a distant memory. I wasn't sure anymore if I could go out and face the world in this.

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling the familiar wave of insecurity crash over me. My chest felt heavy, and that brief flash of confidence seemed like a distant memory. I wasn't sure anymore if I could go out and face the world in this.

Before I could get ahead of myself and spiral completely into that black hole of bad thoughts, I did something impulsive—desperate, even. I slapped myself hard across the cheek.

"Ow!" I yelped, rubbing the sting on my face, the sharp pain momentarily shocking me back into reality. It wasn't subtle or gentle; it was enough to make my cheek smart, but that's exactly what I needed.

"No," I said firmly, shaking my head as if that would shake off the insecurities along with it. "No, no, no. I look great. I feel great, and I am great."

I stared at my reflection, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't going to let my mind ruin this. Not again. I straightened my shoulders, forcing myself to hold the gaze of the woman in the mirror—me. The dress did hug my curves, yes, but it wasn't a bad thing. The rolls on my tummy weren't something to hide or be ashamed of. They were part of me, part of the body that I was still learning to love.

The sting from the slap still lingered, but I felt like I needed that shock to break free from my doubts. "I look amazing," I repeated, a little stronger this time, my voice filled with determination.

I will have fun. I deserve a night with no men in my thoughts.