Begin Again

Broken Dreams

Anicka's POV:

I'm running so late. I was supposed to be at the shoot half an hour ago. I'm going to the studio for this new project I signed up for and I'm really excited for it. I love the storyline because it is so refreshing and unlike anything I've ever done before. Needless to say, my anxiousness knows no bounds. As thrilled as I am to be doing this project, I'm a little on edge. I'm meeting the whole team for the first time including my co-star who is apparently still anonymous to me.

I want this to be the start of something mind blowing. After all that happened with Siwet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. The fact that I went into splitsvilla adamant that I'm not gonna involve myself with anybody and focus on the game. The fact that I still found myself right where I didn't want to. The fact that he shattered my heart into a million pieces. Or the fact that I'm still irretrievably, irrevocably in love with him.

It's been 6 months and yet I've not found myself capable of moving on from him. Everywhere I go, I see him. Every conversation I have, I feel him. It's frankly driving me crazy and yet I can't pull away. I try to distract myself by hanging out with friends or pushing myself to work but every single night I sleep thinking about him and every single morning I wake up with his name on my lips.

It's torturous knowing that he's moving on with his life while I'm still stuck in 6 months ago. I see him giving interviews, taking on new projects, getting papped while going to meetings. I'm genuinely happy knowing that he's happy but I still can't help the unwelcome prickling sensation it brings.

I'm walking by the street and my gaze goes towards a poster. It has words like fear, anger, sadness written upon it. A shadow of a memory passes behind my eyes.

In splitsvilla, a few months ago

Siwet stared at the ceiling and said, "I don't really get sad. I'm just one of those laid-back, aloof individuals that keeps a cool demeanour at all times. You know the type ."

"Oh, right," I remarked, a sardonic smirk on my face. "You know, scientists have determined that everyone has eight basic emotions. "Are there any more you're forgetting?"

"At least six," Siwet pondered. "Perhaps seven. But what exactly are they? Please remind me again."

"Sadness," I dutifully repeated, raising one finger, then another. "Disgust."

"I despise it when people pick their noses on public transportation and then wipe them off on the seat like it's some sort of added bonus," Siwet revealed.

"Tick," I said with a smile. "Fear?"

He quickly answered, "Ducks. They freak me out ."

"We're two down now. Surprise?"

"This girl came and totally changed my outlook on life."

Siwet leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Is there anything else?" "Perhaps I'm more emotionally expressive than I realised."

"Anger."

"I usually shout only when I'm afraid." Oh, and at my sister. While I'm out, she goes into my room and takes, breaks, and replaces stuff, and when I question if she did it, she says no, and I want to physically smash something—"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "All right, OK. Anger. Tick. Next?"

"Anticipation?"

"It's quite perplexing," he admitted, a flicker of a smile on his face. "I get this... rush when I see you."

"Like butterflies?"

"Exactly. And I get a flutter here."

Siwet's hand travelled up my shoulder, then up my arm, till he was grasping my hand and his fingers were securely wrapped between mine.

And I had no doubt in my mind that I loved him.

I simply... knew for the first time.

I squeezed his fingers and grinned, "Shut up. This indicates that there are just two more remaining. Are you ready?"

"Hit me with it, Anicka Sharma."

"Joy."

As Siwet fixed his gaze on my face, there was a brief pause. I could feel him absorbing everything: every blemish, every wrinkle, every pore.

"Yes," he eventually said. "Joy."

And I realised I didn't love Siwet just because he was attractive. I didn't just love him because he was clever and witty; kind and calm. I didn't even just love him because he always made me happy, no matter where he was.

I loved him because he sees me for who I am. The good bits and the bad.

When I was able to speak again, I said, "So this is the final one. It's acceptance. Taking someone for everything they are, everything they desire to be, and all they've ever been. The magnificent bits, the powerful bits, and the damaged bits as well."

Siwet smiled and brought his face close to mine.

He responded softly, "Acceptance. Tick."

I quickly snapped myself out of my daze. It was moments like these that hurt more than when he was hugging or kissing me. Moments when he could have been my Siwi just as long as I kept my eyes closed.

Well, there's no going back now. It hurts like hell but I guess we just weren't meant to be. He was everything I ever wanted but I guess some things are just too good to be true.

A mixture of sadness and longing in the air around me, I opened the door to my future hoping I could close the door on my past just as easily.

~end~

And that's officially the end of the first chapter. In this chapter, I only focused on Ani's point of view and in the next one it's going to be Siwi's. I think it's really important to understand their mindset after all that happened before we move any further. I'm also gonna be adding little snippets of memories along the way so that we can be better aware of their relationship before things went haywire. I'm so excited to take this story further and I really hope you guys are too! I'd really appreciate your feedback. Please comment them down below or message me on instagram, my id is @mtvlovebot.

Lots of love,
D