Begin Again

The First Step

Anicka's POV:

I just got finished with hair and makeup and headed towards the shoot location.

When I reach, Siwet's already there. He's sitting in a chair glued to his phone. He looks up as soon as he notices me and I see him take me in. Little do I know, I'm doing the same, taking him in.

Someone clears their throat and I tumble back into reality.

"Right. Let's get started," the photographer says with a knowing smile on his face.

I fought the blush creeping up my cheeks and walked towards the setting.

"Siwet hold her waist and look into her eyes."

My body tightened under his grip and I was sure he could feel it.

"Anicka you need to look at him."

I did as I was asked but immediately withdrew. I don't know what's wrong with me I'm just not able to do it.

"Anicka what are you doing?" Siwet whispers into my ear.

I looked at him helplessly. Not knowing what to do, I just rushed out of there as fast as my feet could carry me.

Siwet's POV:

I have no idea whatsoever as to what just happened. She literally just ran out of there.

Can she not even stand to look at me? I could feel how her whole body became conscious at my touch. I could feel her uneasiness. I don't know why but that really hurt. She can't even look into my eyes let alone touch me anymore.

I looked towards the photographer and he seemed pissed. To be honest, can't really blame him. She just walked out of here with no explanation and despite our whole situation, that was highly unprofessional. This is just the start, how will she work with me for a couple of months when she cannot process an eye contact.

I mean I get it. I do. That wasn't exactly easy for me either. My heart was beating out of my chest and I could barely keep calm. I just got through it reminding myself that I'm a professional and it won't work like this.

Hell, tears literally pooled in my eyes when I touched her. I didn't realise how much I craved for it.

Craved for her.

But I can't take myself down that road again because it promises nothing but hurt and disappointment. I can't give her what she wants and somewhere she can't give me what I want either. We've been down this line before and it didn't work out.

I pushed down my thoughts and went in search of her.

Anicka's POV:

I don't know what has gotten into me. I behaved so unprofessionally. I thought I was ready, I'm not.

Looking at him. Being that close to him. It just did something to me.

It felt as if my whole body was ignited. I felt warm all over. That's a feeling I've not experienced in a while. 6 months to be exact.

Just like it did then, my body comes alive at his touch. I felt it in there and I just had to leave because I couldn't take it. I thought my feelings would eventually fade over time because time heals. But they didn't. Everytime I'm near him, it's like a fresh wound all over again.

I splashed some water on my face, adjusted my dress, touched my makeup and gathered myself the best I could. Just as I'm leaving the washroom I see him coming from the other side.

He looks exasperated.

"What happened to you?" he asks slightly annoyed.

"I'm so sorry I was feeling a little dizzy and I needed some fresh air."

"Well, if you're alright now let's get going the shoot is waiting for us."

"Right. Sorry. It won't happen again," I say with an apologetic half smile.

His face softens a little and he gestures his hand towards the door.

I really do mean it. Just because I can't get my shit together, I'm gonna end up ruining this golden opportunity for the both of us. That's not something I can afford to do.

I school my face into a pleasant expression and will myself to do the shoot properly.

I still flinched a little whenever he touched me. I still hesitated a little before looking into his eyes but I managed.

When the photographer was satisfied with the results he gave us a thumbs up.

And that's the cue for lunch, thank god. I have been starving. I packed up my things and was about to leave when I heard a voice behind me.

Siwet's POV:

I observed her during the entire shoot. She still winced every time I came too close for comfort but all things considered, she was handling it pretty well.

When the photographer gave us the official approval that we were done for now, I had plans for lunch.

I saw Anicka hurriedly gathering her things and knew that it could only mean one thing. Glad to know that some things never change.

Before I start to question anything I mustered up my courage and said, "Would you like to go for lunch? I know you're just as hungry as I am."

To say she was surprised would be an understatement. She blinked her eyes and replied nervously, "Umm are you sure?"

I get why she's hesitant.

We didn't exactly end things on a good note to even go for something as normal as a lunch together.

I'm just trying to search for some comfort ground in the situation that we've been put in. If things continue like this down the road, we're toast. We need to be able to learn to, if not be comfortable in each other's presence then at least be cordial.

Whatever closure that needs to be achieved, let's just get it over with.

With a disarming smile, I continue, "Oh absolutely. There's this great place down the corner that has really amazing chole bhature."

I see the way her eyes light up and know that I've succeeded. She nods and smiles excitedly, her current distress forgotten for the time being.

I grab my keys from my pocket and motion her towards my car.

I remind myself again that I'm only doing this so that we can get comfortable around each other. I have absolutely no intention of even wanting anything more but if we want to make this work, we need to have a good rapport with each other.

Little did I know, life never goes according to plan. There are always parts of us we shut away or hide. Bits of ourselves we can't touch because they're too precious and buried too deep. Fragments of truth we barely admit to ourselves. Because sometimes editing our own story is the only way to get through it.

~end~

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Till we meet again,
D