Begin Again

Lost Without You

Anicka's POV:

What am I doing? I should never have said yes. There was an awkward silence between us the whole ride to the restaurant. We couldn't even look at each other let alone utter two words.

I've never found myself in a situation like this. What do you say to the person who quite literally broke your heart? What do you say to the person you're meeting after six whole months of complete silence? What do you say to the person who is your ex something? You can't even give a proper label since there never was one in the first place. God my head is spinning. Perhaps google has some good suggestions.

I turn my head towards the window praying to god that this lunch gets over soon cause I cannot stand one more minute of this.

Siwet's POV:

What was I thinking? I never should have asked her. First I offer to take her out for lunch and then I'm not even able to start a conversation, hoping she could take me out of my misery and do the honors first. Wow. Good going Siwet. She must think you've gone mad.

To be honest, I don't want to do this. I thought I wanted to so that we can start talking to each other again rather than this have this awkwardness surround our every encounter but I don't think I am ready for it. I don't think I ever will be. I'm trying though. Not just for the sake of the show but for myself.

I know we'll have to break the ice sometime, one way or the other. This is the hard truth and I have to accept it.

I steal a glance at her and find her the exact same way she was ten minutes ago. Cold and distant.

You know what fuck this. I can't stand one more minute of her ignoring me or treating me like I'm some next door neighbor. If we want to start afresh, we're gonna have to take things from where we left them off.

"So" I say a little too casually, "How are you holding up?"

Anicka's POV:

His voice breaks me out of my reverie and I snap my head to his.

I'm glad he's trying to make conversation but I can't take this. I cannot see him trying to pretend like everything's fine when it's clearly not. I don't know how this conversation will go but I can't act like nothing happened because something did happen. Maybe that's why I open my blasted mouth and whisper, "Holding up after what you did to me?"

Despite my self control I can feel my voice breaking a little. Perhaps he noticed it too because his expression visibly softened.

"Ani-" he starts to say but I cut him off.

"Don't. You lost every right to talk to me in that tone from the second you decided to sever all ties between us."

I can see the shift in his expression. "Anicka you know that's not right..."

His choice of words bubble up my anger and I reply "Not right? Then tell me what exactly is right to you Mr. Siwet Tomar. Was it right when you completely shut me out? Was it right when you decided to play against me? Or was it right when you decided to abandon me and whatever I thought we had?"

I can tell that last line really shook him because his lips pursed and his eyes shuttered and I could feel him fighting off his emotions. Good I thought. It's high time he realises my pain and suffering too.

I told myself to stop but the words just kept flowing out of me. "Was that your plan all along? You wanted a simple pastime? Or were you doing it for the cameras? Might have wanted to keep the people entertained, didn't you? You obviously couldn't afford to lose your precious image of a loverboy. Call it whatever you want but the one thing you'll always be is a goddamn liar. I haven't seen anyone as fake and heartless as you in my entire life."