wildest dreams- 198nights

14. Am I allowed to cry?

TTPD's POV

When I saw her on the street while looking around the neighborhood I knew she was special. I mean her sparkling eyes, her smile and the way she treats others. I really didn't expect to make any friends here so quickly. She was so kind to me that first day of school, I am still in awe of how someone can be literally an angel. I would love to be her best friend, spending every second with her, hanging out with her... But I think she doesn't feel the same way I do. I mean, she treats me as a friend but no more. It hurts my heart.

I feel something stronger than I should for 1989 but I just can't come between her and Midnights, they got their own thing. I don't want to hurt her, she's my friend or mess with Midnights.  Honestly I'm a little scared of her, I guess she can be a little moody but I don't even know her. I don't even know if I know myself anymore.

"This is so idiotic" I whispered to myself as I closed my diary and put it back in the drawer. I felt something wet on my cheek, I didn't even notice that my eyes were filled with tears. I quickly wiped them off with the back of my hand. Am I allowed to cry?

I didn't want to break down now, I couldn't. I stood in front of the mirror pinning up my hair, my face looked gray in this light. I pinched my cheeks to give them some color and washed off the remnants of mascara that was already everywhere but on my lashes. I was hoping that I would feel better tomorrow.

What scared me was that 1989 noticed that something was wrong. I couldn't tell her that I felt something more for her than just a friend. Life is so complicated lately. Maybe I should get away for a while and gather my thoughts? Or maybe I should talk to 1989 or one of the girls about it? The second option is definitely out of the question.

I am really down bad, that's scary. Maybe it's stupid but I have never fallen in love or even been infatuated in my life. I remember reading books about teenage love, hoping to experience it but why didn't anyone tell me how cruel it can be?

With each passing day I realized more and more that 1989 was not meant for me and it hurt, a lot. I wish I could change the prophecy.

I sat on the bed trying to stop thinking, I took a few deep breaths. When I felt myself calming down I looked in the mirror and gave myself the most convincing smile I could muster. They say fake it 'til you make it and I did.

I went downstairs with the intention of going for a walk to cool down. I always did that, whenever something went wrong I went for a long walk it helped me escape from reality at least for a moment.

I put on my coat and went out. The weather was typical autumn, leaves were falling from the trees and the sun was shining gently, although an icy wind blew every now and then. I loved weather like this.

I walked through the crowded streets of the city center, completely absorbed in my thoughts.

"Hi" I heard a high-pitched voice and before I realized it was to me, the person had already moved on. At first I didn't know who it was. I turned around, confused, and saw a storm of blonde hair with the ends dyed pink.

It was Lover. I bet she'll probably tell her friends what a mean bitch I am. Wait, isn't she friends with Midnights? Oh then she won't have to even talk about it, they already know.

When I finally got to the park, there were definitely fewer people. I sat down on one of the benches and pulled a book out of my bag. We were supposed to read it for English next week. I decided that I didn't really have anything better to do, so I'd at least do all the school work. So productive.

***

It's so good that this week is coming to an end. I love Fridays, the only thing I don't like about them is French. Looking at all this...well, nothing anyway.

"I got D in history!" Fearless boasted proudly of herself. Debut patted her on the shoulder. Speak Now rolled her eyes with clear displeasure written on her face.

"Ugh I got C!" she muttered under her breath.

"YAY!" Red cheered, we all looked at her questioningly.  "What? I am happy with your small successes" I nodded absurdly.

"Don't worry, C is great" Folklore tried to comfort Speak Now whose face crept up a smile at the same moment she touched her arm.

"You think so?" she smiled flirtatiously, moving closer to Lorie.

"I beg you" 1989 spoke with mock disgust in her voice. I immediately started giggling. She nudged my arm and burst out laughing too. Oh my Lord.

"But you're the one who flirts with your girlfriend at every French lesson" Speak Now she said, to which 1989 immediately became serious.

"Midnights is not my girlfriend and we are definitely not flirt...-"

"Shut up, you are made for each other" Red interrupted her with a broad smile, everyone looked at 1989 who blushed.

"Sorry" I said and then walked away from them and headed towards the school restroom.

God how could I be so stupid?

As I was going inside I bumped into someone in the doorway. 

"I'm sorry" I said, feeling like I was about to cry. What happened to me today?

"Don't be! It's nothing, right Reppy?" I saw Lover holding Reputation's hand, her lipstick was smudged and Reputation's hair was a total mess. How lucky.

"Yeah" she replied indifferently.

"Oh my god! I'm throwing a party tomorrow, wanna come?" Lover asked changing the subject and Rep gave her a strange look.  They were talking about me, I know that.

"Um...maybe" I replied, not wanting to give her a clear answer. Maybe a party is what I need right now?

"That's so cool! I'll send you the address by message, see you there!" she replied excitedly and then looked at Reputation who gave me a forced little smile.

"See you" I said as they went their own way.

Where did she even get my phone number?

***
Another French lesson was another reason to lock yourself at home and not go out. I sat down in my seat, being much earlier than the others, the class was slowly filling up. 1989 entered shyly, sending me a smile and sitting in her seat. She looked so gorgeous in her black skirt and light blue top. This color matched the color of her irises.

"Hello" Beautiful Eyes, the girl I did the project with, sat down next to me smiling. I greeted her as well and started looking through my notes.

After a while, the teacher entered the classroom and started discussing another topic. I took notes, trying to concentrate only on French. After about 15 minutes, the door opened and there stood Midnights. She looked so effortlessly pretty, no wonder she's so popular.

The teacher just nodded in disapproval and told Midnights to take a seat. The way 1989's face lit up as soon as she saw Midnights. Why not me?

------------

WOW WE HAVE A DIFFERENT POV THAN 1989's! Let me know how you like this and if you would like to see more POV changes.

(TTPD is really tortured)

BY THE WAY, I ADDED TITLES TO MY CHAPTERS AHHHH

Remember to comment and you can leave a star (tysm)✨️

See you soon✒️🖤