An FBI Archive

Chapter Nine

Nia lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Today was her day off. Sam had asked Nia if she wanted him to stay over but she told him that she could sleep alone which he knew was a lie but he stayed away to give her whatever space she needed. She felt empty. Hollow. With every case that she helped solve, with each therapy session, it brought up painful memories that she had long tried to bury in the back of her mind like an old case of some other broken little girl that wasn't her. 
Her apartment door slammed and a moment later Leah and Nora slid into her bed either side of her. 
"My therapist said I sleep with guys to compensate for the fact that they raped me" Leah began, cutting through the silence of the room. 
"You do" Nora told her "My therapist said I drink to forget their hands and the rapes" 
"You do" Leah muttered back. 
"I told her about the rooms. About the day I was kidnapped. I'm going to tell her the rest. All of it. I'm sick of all the secrets" Nia admitted, tears escaping her eyes "I'm so tired of being strong" She managed to get out through sobs. 
"We know" Nora muttered, pulling her sister into her arms. Leah leant her head on her other shoulder, wrapping her arms around them both. 

Nia sat opposite Jill, a thousand things running through her mind, she didn't know where to begin. 
"I had a baby"
"What?"
"I had a baby once. Then another. Then another. I had three babies"
"How old were you?" Nia shook her head.
"The first wasn't far enough along for me to tell what it was going to be. I imagined it was a girl" Nia choked on her tears "My second was a boy. He was born but I never heard him cry" She tried to control her tears but failed "My last was a girl, she had strong lungs. I tried to keep her quiet. I just wanted to keep that one but Joe wouldn't let me he-" It was all too much. Her tears took over covering her words until all there was, was sobbing.
"What happened to your babies?"
"The same thing that happened to everything in that place. Death"
"How old were you?"
"It doesn't matter, I got raped either way"
"How old were you?"
"Eleven, then twelve, then thirteen"
"What were their names?" Nia met his eyes.
"Katie, Oliver and Janie"
"You don't hate them?" She glared at him.
"I could never hate the things that kept me alive and gave me hope"
"Why do you refer to them as things?"
"My babies grew inside of me, for three months, then nine and nine again. They left my body amongst more of my spilled blood before they were ripped away from me. They only felt real for as long as I could hold them or feel them. Then they were ghosts that belonged to a girl who died in that room"
"Did the police recover them?" Tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Joe wouldn't tell the police where they were. But I told the police where Sasha was"
"Sasha? You haven't motioned her before"
"She was taken a few months before me, she was too much trouble. Joe buried her just outside of the building. He always said 'be a good girl or I'll bury you out in the yard like I did with Sasha.' They dug her up a month after we got out"
"Why a month? That's late isn't it?"
"I refused to talk, we all did. One cop got me to talk though, she had lost a baby and I still had the baby weight from mine. They were supposed to find my babies and instead they found Sasha. I looked her parents in their eyes and told them how their daughter died, I wanted to spare them the pain of knowing what those men did to her"
"That's very noble of you"
"No its not. Her parents were at the station every day pleading with the cops to look for their daughters body. They knew that by then she was probably dead and they were right. Every time they saw me they hounded me with questions about her. I wanted to tell them because they already associated me with their daughter, and this way they wouldn't have to have those images running through their minds"
"What images?"
"The same ones that you have of me. My little body being laid out like a feast before the podophile dived in for a taste" More tears escaped her eyes.
"What brought all this up?"
"You're being evasive" Nia pointed out before she sighed "A baby was kidnapped the other day, it stuck in here" She pointed at her head.
"Did it stick there or in here?" She asked, pointing to where her heart is.
"I stopped feeling that a long time ago"
"Why didn't the other girls get pregnant?"
"They were damaged on the inside, I'm damaged on the outside"
"I'm, not was? You speak as if the abuse is still going on"
"Isn't it? The scars and the mental damage they left behind won't fade. I can't forget them so yes, the abuse continues"
"Does it have to?"
"Jade is destroying her body because she wants to die. Lacie killed herself a long time ago. Leah fucks whoever she wants to because she wants to forget those that fucked her body against her permission. And Nora. She drinks to stop the nightmares and the loneliness of not being able to share her life"
"And you?"
"I save everyone whilst letting myself drown in everything I hide to protect my sisters, my family and my friends"
"So why not swim?"
"Because drowning is so much easier" 
"How long were you kept?" 
"Five years. A lot can change in one. A lot can change in two months" Nia tried as hard as she could but she couldn't stop tears from escaping her eyes.  
"Sasha was found a month after you all were so what happened after that?" 
"The hanging tree" Jill shot her a questioning look "A ten year old girl with hair like gold and eyes like shining stars was found hanging from her treehouse. She died how she lived, in pain"