Her Awakening

Chapter 20: Mapping Out the Future

The ride back to Jalal's house was quieter than usual, but not in a way that made me uncomfortable. It was the kind of quiet that follows something intimate, where words don't feel necessary for a while. I leaned my head against his shoulder, letting my fingers trace small circles on his arm. I felt safe, like I was wrapped up in his warmth. But underneath that comfort was a nagging awareness that this moment, this bubble we were in, wouldn't last forever.

As we pulled into the driveway, the house loomed ahead, offering a strange sense of sanctuary. Yet, my thoughts were a tangled mess inside me. There was so much we hadn't said, things that needed to be addressed. We both knew it. Tonight wasn't just about escaping into each other—it was about figuring out what came next.

Jalal opened the door for me, his hand resting gently on the small of my back as we walked inside. I was still wearing one of his spare shirts from his office, with my trench coat thrown over it. It was a reminder of how the night had started—impulsive, a bit reckless. But now, reality was catching up with us.

We ordered takeout—sushi for me, Turkish food for him. We sat on the couch, plates scattered between us, and it struck me how much that mess of food reflected our situation. Everything felt chaotic, like our emotions were all over the place, and somehow, we needed to bring clarity to it.

I stared at my sushi, poking at it without much interest. My mind was somewhere else, circling around the conversation I knew we had to have. I wasn't sure if I was ready, but I knew it was coming. Jalal was patient as always, watching me, waiting for me to make the first move.

Finally, I couldn't hold it in any longer. "I need to start making some real decisions... about everything. About the kids, Joshua... my life," I said softly, feeling the weight of it settle on my chest.

Jalal set his food aside and turned to face me, his full attention on me now. "I was hoping you'd bring that up. What are you thinking, Melissa? What's on your mind?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I leaned back into the couch. "I know I need to file for divorce. It's just... What happens after that? Where will the kids and I live? How do I deal with Joshua and his family? And my parents... they'll never accept it."

His voice was calm, reassuring. "You need to think about what's right for you and the kids. You can't live your life trying to make everyone else happy. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. Whether you stay with me for a while or get a place of your own, I'll support you, but you can't keep carrying all of this by yourself."

I nodded, but my mind was spinning, lost in all the what-ifs. "I know. But I'm scared, Jalal. Scared of how it'll affect the twins. Scared of the mess it'll cause. My parents... they still believe in 'forever,' no matter what."

"Your parents love you, but this is your life, Mel," he said gently. "And the twins... they'll be okay. Kids are stronger than we give them credit for. They just need to see that *you're* okay."

I could feel the tears building in my eyes, my voice cracking as I spoke. "I'm afraid I'll ruin everything. Their lives... Joshua's. And the truth is, part of me still cares about him. Even after everything, part of me still loves him."

Jalal's expression softened, and he pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around me. "Melissa, it's okay to still love him. You shared a life together, and had children. You don't just turn that off like a switch. Love isn't simple. But that doesn't mean you have to stay in something that's hurting you."

His words pierced through the storm of doubt in my mind, but it didn't make the decision any easier. "But where do I even begin? I don't want to drag the kids through a messy divorce."

Jalal took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. "The divorce will be hard, no doubt. But staying in a situation that's breaking you? That'll hurt them more in the long run. You have to trust that they'll adjust. And you have to trust yourself—you're doing what's right for all of you, even if it feels impossible right now."

The tears I'd been holding back finally spilled over, and I let out a shaky breath. "I don't feel strong enough. I've spent so many years being someone's wife, someone's mother... I don't even know who I am outside of that anymore."

Jalal gently lifted my chin, his eyes locking with mine. "You're moonlight, Mel. You're a bestselling author three times over, and one of your books is getting its own show. You're more than just someone's wife or mother."

I let out a soft laugh through my tears, surprised that he remembered the little things. "I can't believe you remember my favourite Maya Angelou poem."

"Of course I do," he said, smiling before reciting the words I'd read a thousand times.

*"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. 

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size..."*

I joined in, the familiar words wrapping around me like a shield, giving me strength.

*"I'm a woman 

Phenomenally. 

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me."*

When we finished, I felt lighter, like the weight on my chest had lifted just a little. "Thank you," I whispered, meaning it in more ways than one.

Jalal smiled, but his expression soon grew serious. "Melissa, about today... in the office. I appreciated the surprise. Really, I did. But I think we need to wait until your divorce is final before we... take that step again."

I blinked, caught off guard. "You don't want to...?"

"It's not that," he said quickly, squeezing my hand. "I'm insanely attracted to you, believe me. But I want *all* of you, Mel. I want you when you're fully mine, not when you're still tied to someone else."

I stared at him, my heart racing. I hadn't expected this level of patience, this kind of restraint. "You're willing to wait?"

Jalal nodded, his gaze steady. "For however long it takes. You're worth it."

Tears filled my eyes again, but this time, they were tears of gratitude. I kissed him softly, wishing I'd met him sooner. But he just smiled, brushing away my tears. "If you had, you wouldn't have the twins."

He was right. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.

Later, after a warm bath and falling asleep in his arms, I finally felt something I hadn't in a long time—hope. Tomorrow would come with its challenges, but with Jalal by my side, I knew I could face whatever came next. Together.