angst??? (i created this like 2 years ago???? 3??)

rooftop

pls la i wrote this in my notes, it's 12 sep 2024 , 9:37pm . i'm tired bro

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fie had always felt that she was never free, especially in school. so as fie sat on her school rooftop with the wind blowing into her face, she cherished the peace she could only obtain during her recess, away from others. it was some sort of time where she could think about herself, the things she did, and why she did them.

but the peace was destroyed by the sound of someone's footsteps walking up the stairs. the person pushed the door open, walking to the edge of the rooftop. they stood right in front of fie. at first, fie didn't think much of it. until she heard sobs. squinting her eyes, fie noticed the person was a female student. a petite one, around fie's height. fie watched as the girl stood at the edge, clearly planning to jump.

fie didnt want to intervene, but she didn't want to be a witness of a suicide more.

"hey, don't do it." fie spoke

the petite girl looked back at fie, her eyes red and puffy. "you've probably heard about it through rumors. i really thought he might be the one, but i found him with another girl," the girl started dumping her woes onto fie without warning.

fie rolled her eyes, she found it weird how the petite girl started dumping her trauma out of nowhere. "for fucks sake, please. are you serious? over some.. unworthy guy? are you upset you couldn't get what you wanted? life's unfair and it's tough, but we gotta push through."

the petie girl remained silent before stepping away from the edge and hugged fie. fie was confused but let her be, thinking the girl needed it. the girl let go and walked back the way she came from.

this repeated a few times. the next being a girl with her hair down and the one after, being a girl that always wore a jacket. she listened to everyone's story, but who listened to hers?

as fie walked up to the rooftop on a new day, she sighed as she was met with another girl on the edge. the girl seemed normal, like every other students. the girls hair was tied, no bracelets, and she seemed like a good student. she just had glasses fie never saw before.

fie stood a few steps behind the girl, "hey, don't do it please." she repeated the same statement she has been saying for the past days.

but the girl with glasses wouldn't listen. she remained on the edge, refusing to budge then. fie sighed as she started to realise that she most likely got herself into something far more troublesome than the others. fie could feel it in her bones; something was wrong.

and for the very first time, fie met someone who suffered the same as her. it was rare for fie to find someone who shared the same problems. sure, some would understand how she felt about it. but no one would understand how it felt going through it.

"i just want to stop harming myself, but i can't. it became a routine to me, an every day lifestyle. it's unhealthy, but it feels so normal to me. i want to stop the scars that increases in amount each time i remain within the four walls i call 'home'. the very walls people think are safe. it may be safe physically, but never mentally or emotionally. in my house, everyone's ignoring each other. it's as if i'm living with strangers. they tell me i could talk to them about feelings, yet when i do, they disregard them. that's what i mean by scars; i don't mean physical scars, but emotional and mental scars." the girl with the glasses yapped before sighing.

"i apologise, thid is a waste of time." the girl muttered before turning away from the edge, deciding that day wasn't the day she'd jump.

now was a different day, a day where fie finally didn't have to comfort people or listen to them. the day where fie could relax, listen to her self-deprecating thoughts, and contemplated attempting again.

fie sighed this time as she headed towards the edge, standing by the railing. fie took off her glasses as she sighed again, her eyes red and puffy. fie left her hair down, letting it flow in the wind along with her jacket. fie removed her jacket, putting it beside her glasses.

fie thought back to the girls she had helped, wondering what they would say if they knew the very person who saved them was suicidal too.

fie's petite frame climbed over the railing, now standing on the parapat. no one was there to stop her, who cared enough to? fie watched from above as everyone was busy with their own thing.

fie closed her eyes, letting the breeze hit her face before letting go of the railing. she leaned forward, finally falling off. she finally felt free.