North Star [A Bensler FanFiction]

{40}

Elliot's eyes shot open as Olivia settled onto her side and closed her eyes. All she wanted was for them to sleep and discuss her pregnancy in the morning if she was really pregnant. This was only the third time she was pregnant, and she was scared that she'd lose this baby, just like the first one she had with Brian.

"Are you pregnant?" Elliot asked. Olivia slowly opened her eyes as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"That's what the test said," she replied. Elliot took a shaky breath, rolling onto his side and placing his hand on Olivia's hip.

"Olivia, look at me."

"Now is not the time for us to have a baby, El. I feel Kathleen and Dean will get serious soon, Maureen is having a baby in eighteen weeks, and we have been fighting for weeks. We tried for so long, just for us to conceive the last night we weren't fighting," Olivia whispered.

Elliot sat up and ran his hands over his face. He agreed that now was not the time to have a baby, but he felt the same way every time Kathy got pregnant. He loves his children and would love the one his soulmate was growing.

"We need to get this confirmed in the morning before freaking out, okay?"

"Too late, El. Already freaking out," Olivia whispered.

///

Elliot was called into work late that night, so Olivia was alone with the kids the next morning. She focused on getting the youngest two around for school, before putting them on the bus and making sure the twins left for school on time. 

"Hello?" Olivia sighed as she made lunch for Kathleen before she left for class.

"Hey, Liv. It's Alex."

"I'm sorry I didn't recognize your voice... How are you?" Olivia asked.

"I'm good. We miss you and Addie living with us."

"You three should come out sometime this week and have dinner. I've been a shitty friend lately, and I'm so sorry," Olivia frowned. She sat the phone down and turned on speakerphone, as she constructed a sandwich for Kathleen.

"Don't apologize, Liv. You've been going through a lot of change," Alex replied.

"More than you can ever imagine," Olivia breathed, tears burning her eyes once more. 

"Olivia, what does that mean?"

"It means Elliot and I fought for about six weeks, Maureen is pregnant, and so am I," Olivia replied. 

Silence filled Alex's side of the call as Olivia finished what she was doing. It took until Olivia zipped up Kathleen's lunch box for Alex to respond.

"You finally got pregnant?"

"I seem to be pregnant at the wrong time, Alex. The first time I lost the baby after Brian collapsed the first time, then I got pregnant the second time with Addie while my husband was dying, and now I'm pregnant for my third and final time while my life is drama-filled," Olivia frowned.

"Have you gotten it confirmed? Maybe you are about to start menopause?"

"I'm old, but not that old," Olivia grumbled.

"I'm sorry-" Alex started.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm frustrated and stressed out... Elliot got called into work, so would you be able to join me at my appointment? I need someone there to listen to Dr. Nelson," Olivia interrupted as she rubbed her forehead.

"I'll be there, Liv. Just give me a time and the address."

///

Olivia went to work after her appointment with Dr. Nelson. Her pregnancy wouldn't be confirmed until the blood work came back, and Olivia was almost wondering if Alex was right and she was starting menopause instead of carrying a baby.

"I didn't know if I'd see you today," Amanda smiled, as Olivia shed her jacket and hung it up on her chair.

"I wasn't going to come in, but I didn't want to be at home either," Olivia sighed.

"Are you okay?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. Do we have a case yet?"

"Nope, no case. So if you don't feel well enough to be here-" Amanda started.

"I need a distraction, Rollins. I'm good," Olivia interrupted with a tired smile.

Sitting at her desk, Olivia went through the motions of doing her job but wasn't paying attention. Every piece of paperwork she filled out was forgotten by the moment she sat it to the side to be turned in later. Olivia worked through her lunch and only came back to the present when a hand squeezed her shoulder. 

"Ready to go home, baby?" Elliot asked. Olivia looked up at her boyfriend, confusion covering her face.

"What?"

"It's six, and my partner dropped me off here so we could drive home together," Elliot smiled.

"Oh, okay," Olivia replied, standing and grabbing her jacket. Elliot grabbed Olivia's purse as she walked out the door without grabbing it.

"You are really out of it, Liv. You didn't call me on your lunch break," Elliot frowned, grabbing Olivia's hand.

"I don't know if I ate today, El. I don't remember most of my day."

Elliot pulled Olivia close in the elevator, his fingers gripping her hip.

"Everything is going to work out, Olivia."

"What if I lose the baby?" Olivia whispered.

"Honey," Elliot frowned.

"I lost my first baby, and it was so incredibly hard. I don't want to experience that again... It'll be so hard, especially when Mo brings her own baby home," Olivia breathed.

"That won't happen, Olivia. We are going to come out of this with a healthy baby, and they will be best friends with their niece or nephew," Elliot smiled. Olivia let out a weak laugh, her head moving to rest on Elliot's shoulder.

"That's so weird, El. Our kid is going to be younger than your grandbaby."

"Our grandbaby, Liv. You are going to be something to that kid, even if you don't realize that. Maureen is leaning heavily on you right now, so you are special to her and that baby."