Leo Valdez x Reader

All Time Low

It's on days like this when I remember her.
The way she used to gently wipe the tear off my cheek and give me a blue cookie when I was upset or sad.
Wait, blue cookie?
No, that's not me, that's Percy.
The little schist-I told him he was the Percy and I was the Leo! Sigh, when is that boy ever gonna learn that no matter how much he wishes, he'll never be as hot as me.
Well, anyway, I was trying to go all sentimental and sad, but whatever.
I started to remember my mom when I got back on the dragon (and no, that's not because my mom was a fire breathing bronze dragon) because I knew I was going to lose someone I loved deeply again, and no matter how far in the future that was, it just wasn't enough time with her. With any of them, really. Spending an eternity without Jason to put shaving cream in his Jell-O? Lame! Without Piper to take really bad pictures of her and write 'BEAUTY QUEEN' on? Not happening! Without Percy to set fire to the rain with? Heck no! Without Annabeth to scare me and Hazel to calm me and Frank to laugh with and Nico to brofist? That would be a very under lived life, and what torture eternal boredom would be. And her. I don't think I'd ever be able to go a day without her by me, making corny jokes and laughing until I have fire coming out of my nose.
But then the thought occurred to me-what if I could die? What if all I had to do was get injured, and it'd all be over? So I decided to try it a little. Don't worry, I had nectar and ambrosia sitting right next to me, so if it went wrong I could just pop a square in my mouth. Trust me, I know how to kill myself safely.
I quietly picked up Annabeth's knife out of her sheath and prayed no one would wake up and get the wrong idea. I looked over at her, and she was sound asleep, her face drained of all expressions and stress and she looked so much younger, but still as beautifully gorgeous as always.
Don't tell her I said that. She'd kill me for watching her sleep. She'd probably think I was turning into that vampire dude.
Well, he was immortal, and I guess I am...
Okay, one similarity doesn't mean I am him.
But... I was kinda watching her sleep for a bit...
Two similarities. Still not the same.
I don't sleep, either.
Starting to sweat a little...but I'm still good, right??
I tried to make her immortal, too. And for pretty much the same reason.
Oh gods...I'm turning into Vampire Guy Who Shines in the Sunlight and is Creepy. When did that happen??
She moved a little, and that brought my attention back down to Earth. I quietly sat down, took the knife in my right hand, and bared my left wrist. I expected it to hurt and do everything normally, just like a cut on a normal person.
I started to slice my wrist slowly so it wouldn't make a noise, and I made sure I cut shallow enough so I didn't hit anything vital. After a lot of pain and a lot of questioning of how people could do that on a daily basis, I started to bleed, just like normal. It started to itch and swell a little, and the blood started to lose down my arm and drip onto my jeans, but I just sat there, completely dumbfounded by the fact that anyone would ever want to do this to themselves for any reason. I looked at her, and she was curled up with one hand on the necklace and a flannel on-my flannel that I had given to her when she was cold. Honestly, I didn't think she'd keep it that long. But I didn't care. It made me smile to see it on her. I thought about looking at her wrists to see if she had ever done this, but I decided that it was best not to know. I didn't want to know because I was afraid that that meant that I wasn't keeping her happy, and if I'm not keeping her happy...I think that that would mean that she doesn't love me enough to stop or tell me about it. But I do know that if I ever knew she was cutting, I would immediately hold her and I wouldn't let her go, and I would just tell her how much I loved her and how awesome and beautiful and smart and kind and honest and selfless and brave and funny she is and I would never leave her alone when she was upset, even if the best thing for me to do is walk away and let her cool down because I love her too much for her to hate herself that much. If she can't see how amazing she is, then there is something wrong with the way she sees herself, and I need to change that.
Heck, I need to tell her that more.
She needs to know it. She needs to be able to recite it in her sleep. I love her because she is amazing, and that's all she will ever need to know. Not anything from this quest, not anything about me with my immortality, but just the fact that she is amazing and I love her is all. I think she'd be okay then.
I got out a little piece of gauze or whatever that fluffy stuff was that Will gave us, and I stated to pack it tight and wrap it with some medical tape. I hoped that no one would notice.
Now came the big test. I took the knife in my hand, touched the big vein in my neck with it and...
I just needed to start on the other side because that side was like, you know, all-whatever, let's keep going.
I touched it t the other vein and... The first vein started to look better now.
I realized I was too scared of actually dying and losing everything since the cut didn't do anything, so I put the knife in my lap and I Kaye's my head in my hands. That's when I realized what was truly going on; I was at an All Time Low.
I was to the point where I was willing to try and kill myself so I didn't have to live in pain any longer than I had to, and that's a really sad time, and not just because I tried to kill myself. Someday all of my friends and her and our children will die and probably never see each other again and I was willing to stop remembering all of them just so I didn't have to deal with the fact that they were gone. That part was inevitable, I knew, but I could get through the pain by remembering them. I looked at all of them there, and I realized that they would all want me to fulfill my life and not end it for them. Heck, I've already done it once; I don't need to do it again, thanks. I laid down and thought of all the wonderful things I'd be able to do in the future, even if they were all gone. And if there's anyone that somehow can read these deepest darkest thoughts of mine (that's definitely a vampire boy thing) and they're struggling with the same problems I had, please, stop what you're doing and think. It may look bleak now, but there's always one tiny reason to stop what you're doing-stop dying and start living. That's what I did.

**my birthday's on the 15th WOOOOOO!! And I just got 15K reads too XD! You guys are so cool! Thank you so much for everything! I hope you're having a lovely week and I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the ones to come in the future.
And by the way, if you struggle with depression or anxiety or suicide or whatever, this is for you. <3**