The Courtship (GxG, WlW, Lesbian Love Story)

Chapter Five

"So that's what happened?!" Elijah exclaims his question as we pull into a gas station.

I nod, both embarrassed and ashamed.

"Oh, honey, no" Elijah begins, "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You were drunk, and if she wasn't, then you were taken advantage of. It's not your fault. Plus, there's nothing wrong with getting hot and heavy at a party, even if it is with the same gender."

Ellie chuckles at that last part. probably remembering times that he got 'hot and heavy' at the frat parties that we attend. 

We walk into the gas station, "I'll be right back," and head towards the bathroom with my make up bag. I need to cover this bruise so my mom doesn't see and asks questions. 

It's not the first time that Kai has hit or hurt me, but it was the first time with that much anger behind it. He also used to keep the bruises where clothes could cover. I learned how to cover the bits that poked through the collar of my shirt, so I was confident that I could cover this one.

After I am satisfied with the results and sure that mom won't be able to tell, I head back out and go towards the sweets section. I reach for a sweet white frosted honey bun with my moth almost, quite literally, drooling. 

Elijah comes up behind me and pokes my hips, effectively startling a squeak out of me.

"Ellie!" I whine. He just grins and snatches a bag of chips from the side opposite to the sweet goodness that I have been ogling. 

"Come on chika, I want to hurry and have our girls night" he says, as he bumps my hip. 

I smile at him, bump his hip back, and head towards the register. We are quick to check out and head back to Delilah. 

The rest of the ride home is quick. Elijah doesn't bring up what happened last night or what I admitted earlier today, and for that I am grateful.

-

"Momma, I'm home," I call out as I open the door with my luggage in tow.

"I'm here baby girl," I hear her yell from the kitchen. Something smells good.

I bring my stuff upstairs to my room, dropping everything in a pile that I'll deal with later, before heading back downstairs.

Being home feels good and I relax some. I can't relax completely, but still, being away from the campus, from Kai and Melissa and all of the drama, I feel like I have room to breathe.

Ellie went home to see his family first and have dinner with them, so our girls night won't start until after then. I really have nothing to do until then, so I head to the kitchen to chitchat with my mom.

We yap away as she cooks dinner, and I set the plates for her. Two each for my parents, myself, and my little brother. My mom always insisted that we have a tiny plate on the side for our desert. I guess it makes her feel fancy or something. 

During dinner, no one notices the bruise I have hidden. We talk about how college life has been for me, how high school has been treating my baby brother, and how my parents have been in with work and home life.

I find out that Ronan has a basketball game next weekend, and I tell him that I'll join. I know that I'll be dragging Elijah with me, so I shoot him a quick text from under the table. 

He responds quickly saying something along the lines of bring Vincent along. I send a smiley emoji despite knowing that I'll be third wheeling. 

How unfortunate.

I finish my dinner, "I'm headed up guys. I need to shower"

My parents and brother throw out their 'see you laters', as I put my dishes up.

I don't really need to shower, but I need time to think about everything that has happened with Kai. 

With Macy.

That's a lot to unpack right there by itself. 

I had a feeling. I've taken the online quizzes. But, I dunno. I guess I just thought maybe I was overthinking it and wanted to have something different about me. 

I noticed some beforehand in certain situations. Like when I would see pretty girls on campus passing by or in my class. I suppose I just didn't know if I wanted to be them or be with them.

I guess now I know.

I know eventually Elijah is going to want more details. I'll probably spill more during our girls night tonight.

I slump into my bed with a heavy sigh. I have no idea what I am going to do or how I am going to face the people I know at school.  

I don't even know how I am going to face myself. 

There's a part of me that wonders if I even really like girls. A sick part of me that wonders if I am only thinking I like girls because, subconsciously, I want the attention.

I wonder what my parents would think. My brother.

 What would he think? How would this affect him? Would he be ashamed to have a gay big sister?

I can't help but to think a million things. I mean, my family accepts Elijah, but what if it's different when it's one of their own? What if they can't accept me.

I mean, I don't even accept me.

I feel my eyes burn with tears. What if God doesn't accept me?

The tears roll down my cheeks towards my ears. I hate laying on my back and crying because of the way the tears feel going that way. 

I sit up and wipe the tears off angrily. Why do I have to be like this?

I think about cursing God. Or anyone in the universe who I can blame. It shouldn't be like this.

I shouldn't be like this.

-

I hear a quick knock on the door before Elijah comes in. I hadn't even realized what time it was. Times sure does fly when you're questioning your existence.

"Time for girls night!" Elijah says in a sing-songy tone. 

"Girls night" I try to say in a cheerful voice. 

Elijah really does cheer me up, but I'm a bit too down for it to work right away. He is a fantastic friend and great at helping me feel better, so I know that I will be fine in a few minutes. If I'm not, I know that I at least have someone to talk to.

Tonight, though, I am hoping more for a distraction. Face masks, nail care, maybe even trying new make up looks to fill the night.

"I know you've been having a hard time, so I brought you some hot fries and chips ahoy," he says as he sets down said food items. It looks like the bag he brought even contains a different type of face mask than the one that we have in my bathroom.

"Elijah," I start with hesitancy. He gives me an expectant look. "How did you know you were for sure gay? Like...how do you know you're not bisexual or something else?"

I know that I am ignorant when it comes to the LGBT+ community, but I want to figure out more about who I am.  At the same time, I am also scared to put a label on myself. That would make things too real. That would make me feel trapped in the box for maybe ever. 

What happens if somebody puts the wrong label on themselves?

"-na, Jenna!" Elijah snaps in front of my face, "You have got to stop zoning out so much. What's going on?"

What a loaded question, I laugh to myself.

"I am having an existential crisis because I have acne on my forehead," I roll my eyes. "Now, are we going to do face masks to help with it or not?"

I snatch the bag from where he set it and pull out the new face mask cream. It looks like this one is charcoal activated and blah blah blah. All face mask creams are basically the same. The best thing about this one is that it is coconut scented.

I wonder if I should tell Elijah how I am feeling.

Nah, that's my problem.