Parallel Lives | BBANGSAZ

E I G H T E E N

H A N N I
—

My brain feels foggy when I open my eyes. The muscles in my body give up on me when I try to sit up in bed. The room spins, and the lights are too bright, forcing me to shut my eyes and rest my head on the puffy pillow again. I've been in bed for days now—two days in a hospital bed and now in my bed at home.

I feel stupid, unable to move because I'm too tired even to breathe. Four days ago, after Minji walked out of my house, I headed to my moms', but I never got there. I remember feeling dizzy, tired, my heart slowing down—and then... nothing, just darkness. Absolutely nothing.

I woke up three hours later in a hospital bed, with needles in my arm and an ice pack on my head—and ankle. My moms were sitting next to me on an uncomfortable couch, and I immediately felt guilty when I saw them. I imagined them completely freaking out when they found me lying on the floor. Mom had dry tears on her cheeks, and Mama was hugging her. When they saw me, they both smiled with tears in their eyes and hugged me.

I didn't need to ask what had happened. I knew. My body had finally given up on me. No food, no sleep, just water and overtraining myself day and night—that will do it. I knew that, but I kept going—or someone forced me to keep going, and I listened.

God, Madame Mina has been blowing up my phone for days now, asking me to take my time but telling me I should come back quickly. The doctor gave me five days of bed rest and ordered me to eat and hydrate. I've been diagnosed with anemia since I was sixteen. I should take better care of myself, knowing I'm at risk with both food and dancing. But how can I?

A knock on my door makes me almost roll my eyes. "Sunshine, are you awake?"

"Yes, Mom." My voice sounds raspy, probably because I just woke up from a nap.

The door opens, and the footsteps force me to remove the sheets from my body. I hear the rain plastering the window. It's been raining all day, and I nearly had two panic attacks because of it, but my moms are really good at calming me. Mom is wearing her white pajamas, her hair tied into a messy ponytail, blonde strands all over her face, making me smile. She skipped work to stay with me, while Mama—I assume—is at the Pham Center with my sisters.

She's holding a bed tray, which she places softly on my bed. My stomach roars at the sight of coffee, French toast, cupcakes, and cookies. I can't help but feel self-conscious about the food—I've been eating so much lately, and I don't think Madame Mina will be happy about it.

"How are you feeling?" she asks softly. She's been taking care of me like I'm five years old again, and let me tell you, I love it. What? I'm a momma's girl.

"I'm fine, better." I give her a soft smile, crossing my legs and leaning back against the headboard. "Thanks, Mom."

She hands me a Taylor Swift mug, and I take it. The smell of coffee goes straight to my lungs. "How are you, really?"

I narrow my eyes at her, a soft chuckle leaving my lips. "I'm fine. Honestly. I'm just... sorry about what I put you through these past few days."

"Hanni, you're my daughter. I'll always be here for you." Mom brushes a strand of my hair away from my face, her gaze softening. "I should've known you weren't completely fine. Karina told me, but I kept saying you were okay, and you clearly weren't." Her eyes shine with tears.

"Mom, no." I shake my head. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. I didn't listen to my body, and I'm sorry—I'll do better now, okay? You don't need to worry."

The corners of her lips lift. "I'll always worry about you. I just want you to be okay, Hanni. We don't want you to overwork yourself, you know? We understand that dancing is important to you, but you are more important. Staying alive and healthy is important. You can't forget who you are in the process."