Parallel Lives | BBANGSAZ

T W E N T Y N I N E

M I N J I
—

Han: I promise I'll be there.

"She said she'll be there, stop worrying." Haerin smacks my arm and leans to grab her phone from the coffee table. "You don't trust her?"

"Of course I do." The words come out naturally, without any doubt. I do trust her. "I'm just nervous."

"Well, duh." She rolls her eyes. "It's the first time you're performing with her before the event." Her lips curve slightly.

I swallow hard, keeping my eyes on the TV in front of us. We're in the middle of October, and Professor Lee had called everyone performing in December to know where we are. She also said if we're ready, we have to perform it for her.

Hanni said she has the whole choreography ready, but she wasn't excited about it. She told me she wanted to show it to me first, but there's no time. Between classes, work, her dance classes, and school—we barely have time to see each other anymore. I've been taking night and longer shifts at Ocean's since I've realized I'm way behind on some schoolwork and we have no food at home. My mother is taking everything away from me.

Hanni is also at the studio twelve hours a day, which I told her isn't healthy at all. We talk every day, when we have time; I ask her how her day's going, if she's eaten anything, if she's okay—but it's not the same. I miss her so much it's starting to hurt.

Five days have passed since we kissed, and she hasn't brought it up again. I haven't either, trying to convince myself it's for the best, even though it doesn't feel that way. I want to make sure she's okay, if she's taking care of her leg, if she's still limping—and I'm pretty sure she skips a lot of meals. Two days ago, I was googling facts about professional ballet dancers, and my heart stopped when I clicked on an article that read "Eating Disorders in the Ballet Industry." I've never read something so carefully, each word ringing in my ears. Apparently, 'people with smaller bodies were favored by teachers,' and a lot of ex-ballerinas have confirmed that the struggle with food starts with their teachers. They're always comparing each other, telling them not to eat, pressuring them to go to the gym, and some had even gone to the police to file reports on violence and harassment. I mean, what the fuck?

After I read it, everything felt wrong, and I spent the whole day thinking about it. But then I thought—Hanni's moms care too much about her to let her be mistreated like that. They love her. I'm pretty sure they've never raised their voice to any of their children. They're sending her to the most prestigious school on earth, and it's impossible for them to let her stay in that environment if they knew she wasn't healthy. Right?

Haerin waves a hand in my face, breaking me out of my trance. "I lost you again. Why are you being so weird?"

"What?" I curl my legs underneath me on the small couch.

"Yeah, you've been weird all week. Like spacing out and, I don't know, in another world." She shrugs, leaning her head on the back of the couch. "What's wrong? Do you need to talk?"

I furrow my brows together. "I'm fine, Haerin. Just tired."

"Are you worried about the showcase?" she kicks her feet up on the coffee table.

"A little, yeah." I shrug.

"Well, don't." She chuckles. "You're with the Hanni Pham, the best professional ballerina in Canada, and you're a really great singer. You're going to win."

"Stop treating her like that, Haerin." A long sigh leaves my body. "Being a talented ballerina is not her personality, you know? She's a person too."

Her nose crinkles with a little smile. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot you're her friend now." She teases at the word "friend."