Parallel Lives | BBANGSAZ

F O R T Y O N E

M I N J I
—

She takes me to the same house we visited a few months ago, the first night I spent talking with her under the moon and stars, with the ocean in front of us and a million secrets and words we had to say. I remember that night. I wanted to get to know her so badly, but I was so fucking scared. I remember looking at her under the moonlight and thinking I had never seen a more beautiful person than her.

I recall how sad, tired, tiny, and exhausted she looked—and the Hanni I have in front of me looks nothing like that girl from September. The Hanni Pham I have in front of me is an extension of the sun that's missing right now from the sky—maybe she is the sun, and she just comes down to earth to visit me. She smiles at me when we get out of the Uber, not really moving away from the rain. We are both soaked from it. Raindrops slip across her cheeks and down her neck, her brown hair sticking to her face, framing it beautifully. God, she's beautiful.

It reminds me of the first time we danced in the rain, the night I almost kissed her. The night that everything changed for me—my feelings for her.

Hanni looks at me through dark, long lashes and shiny brown eyes, her lips slowly rising into a smile. The clouds above us are gray and dark, but Hanni makes everything golden and bright. I should start questioning if she's even from this world.

"Han?"

"Yeah?"

"Dance with me." I say the same words she said to me months ago, as I get close to her.

Hanni must recall the same memory because her brows raise with a soft smile. "You don't dance."

I shrug, extending my hand to her, and she takes it without hesitation. "I do with you."

We stand on the front porch of her house. I pull her close to me, with one hand holding onto her tiny waist and her palms connecting around my neck. She looks up at me, blinking away the droplets of water falling from the sky, and we start swaying slowly to the sound of the rain.

We're pressed against each other so closely that I want to stop time and life right at this moment, with her in my arms. I've pushed her away so much because of my life—my mom, money, problems—but now I want nothing more than to be this close to her, let her in, kiss her whenever I want, just be with her in every possible way. How is it possible that I can't imagine my life without this girl?

We continue swaying slowly, gently, quietly to the sound of the rain, and we don't stop staring at each other—like we are in some sort of contest. Rain gets in her eyes, and she only blinks it away to keep watching me, as if she's trying to get inside my soul and heart. You have it, Han. You can have it all. Why was I so scared of feeling this feeling, when it's so beautiful? Maybe because growing up I only knew and felt horrible things, but with her? She makes me feel alive in a dead world. I'm falling in love with a girl. I'm falling in love with Hanni Pham.

You already are, a voice in my head says. And maybe I am.

We get closer as we dance, my heart pounding so hard in my chest I can hear it like drums in my ears. Nothing matters in the world right now—nothing but her, me, and this moment. I can feel her warm breath against my own as she gets closer, and I lean in, without any other care in the world. One of my hands moves to cup her cheek. Her breath hitches thanks to my cold palm, and my lips rise in a shy smile that she mimics. She's adorable.

My eyes close just at the same time my lips find hers, closing the small gap between us. My heart explodes in a million different ways, and I feel my body shaking, but I simply pull her closer. I need her closer. The rain makes our kiss even wetter, but I couldn't care less. Not when I'm kissing Hanni. My girl. Not when I have her in my arms.