Parallel Lives | BBANGSAZ

F O R T Y E I G H T

H A N N I
—

Today's the day.
December 16th.

The whole reason the universe put Kim Minji in my life. The whole reason I met the girl I'm in love with. The whole reason I am the person I am today: free, happy, healthy. Nothing like the person I was when I received that email with her name on it, a complete stranger to me then, and the love of my life now. Funny how much your life can change in months, how many people you can lose and gain, how much you can suffer and recover. Strange how a person can think they know everything, only to lose themselves in the end and rediscover their best version of themselves, coming back stronger than ever.

I could've never done that alone. With my injury, I thought my life was over. I thought everything I knew was just a waste; I thought nothing was worth it anymore. But here I am, standing tall and stronger than ever, thanks to my friends, my family. Thanks to her. I don't know if I would've survived without her, even if I had my family. Minji was the most important part of my recovery. I told myself I wanted to get better for her—and somehow, I did, but I also needed to get better for myself. Ballet was not my life, but it is what makes me happy, what helps me distract myself, and maybe what I want to keep doing for as long as my legs let me. Maybe not professionally, but I can teach other little girls about what I know—making their lives better and not ruining them like Mina did to me. I want to make a difference in this industry, show the little girls who dream like I did that ballet is not what the tabloids say about it. I can make a difference. I will show the world the difference. How beautiful it can be, if you care enough.

Two days ago, I received a call from the British Columbia Academy, offering me a place with them. They said, "We were giving you time to heal; you were always our first choice to call. We want you to dance with us." I can't explain the feelings that took over me in that moment, but I have never said "No, thank you" so fast in my life, and it felt right. So right. They wanted me, but I didn't want them. They told me to think about it, that they would always leave the door open for me—and I told them to give that place to someone else because I was not going back to that environment. It felt so right saying no and focusing on myself. My present. My future.

I know who I am.

Today's the day my girlfriend's been waiting for years, the event that can change her life. Not only help her financially but also open the doors to the music industry. She says she doesn't care about it anymore, and maybe she doesn't—with Delilah Kim away, Minji can find a perfectly good balance in her life, and I will always help her—but I do know she's nervous as shit right now, hiding her shaking hands in her front pockets, playing with her hair every few minutes. She's nervous, and I'd be lying if I said I am not. I want to be perfect for her out there; I need her to win this thing.

For years, I have been perfect in ballet. Perfect little Hanni Pham, born to be on a stage, but that was before my injury. What if I'm not good enough anymore? What if I cause her to lose? The choreography is perfect; I know that, but... what if?

Minji's been warming up her voice for a while now. We're backstage of the small theater. I've danced in this same place just last year, another very important role I achieved as a young ballerina. Now, I'm here again, about to dance with the girl I love.

A lot of ballerinas and singers are around, also warming up their voices, and ballerinas stretching, getting ready to perform.

The second couple to perform is set in five minutes; the theater is almost full. My entire family came to support me as much as Minji. I know they're all probably in the first row, expecting us to be on stage in a while. We're third in place, so we still have a little while to get ready.