Shadow of Resistance

Chapter Twenty Three

The next day, they get me out of the room and into a car. When we arrive, they pull me out and walk me to another room before removing my blindfold. They are treating me as an object. The first thing I see after nearly a day of darkness is a man in military clothes sitting behind a desk. It's a military trial. I'm not surprised, to be honest, but it's still terrifying.

"What is your connection to Hamas?" is the first thing the judge asks me. Are they all just repeating this stupid question? Why do I have to have a connection with Hamas just because I hit an IDF soldier?

"I swear I have no connection with them" I repeat. He smiles in mockery, then he starts talking with others in hebrew. I don't know what they are saying, so I just watch while they are deciding my fate in a language I can't understand.

"We have decided that you will be imprisoned for a year." He says.

Immediately, a soldier puts the blindfold back over my eyes and drags me out of the room and back into the car.

On the way, I keep thinking of the stories I have been hearing. Are they all actually true? Are they actually going to do all this stuff to me or do they just do this to prisoners that have done bigger things than punching an IDF soldier?

We reach there and he leads me to a cell and closes the door. I know I am put in a cell but I don't know if I am alone or how small this cell is. He doesn't remove this silly blindfold and just leaves me there.

"Is there anybody here?" I ask. "Can anyone hear me?"

I don't hear anyone saying anything. They might be too afraid to make a sound. I think if I walk slowly around the room, I could bump into anyone. This might also help me figure out the dimensions of the room and where the bed is.

I walk slowly, but each direction ends with me reaching a wall. It seems I'm in solitary confinement in a freaking small cell without a bed, even though I don't recall the judge mentioning anything about solitary confinement.

I sit with my hands cuffed behind my back, it looks like they are going to leave me handcuffed. I try to remind myself that it's just 365 days, and then I'll be out again.

I want to count the days, but I don't know how. All I can see is darkness, I can't even detect any dim light behind the blindfold. It's either because it's noon or because I'm being kept in a cell without a window or any other opening where light can enter.

I sit there thinking about my father, who I saw dying in front of me, and how I couldn't help him despite my years of studying medicine. They teach us how to save peoples' lives, but I couldn't save him because they shot him directly in the head.

What about Sarah? How will she deal with that? Knowing that I will be imprisoned for a year could break her heart. We have been talking daily for more than 8 years now. I miss her already.

I think about my family that I left impulsively without thinking to take my revenge. Was this the right thing to do? Is this what my father would have wanted me to do? Probably not, he would have wanted me to protect them and take them back home. I believe I would have done that, if I didn't see the soldier laughing after killing him. Terrible scenarios start hitting my head. What could the soldiers do to them? Even if the soldiers let them go, how would they go through all the Israeli forces on their way back to Gaza during all of this chaos?

I think if I keep dwelling on this, I'll lose my mind too soon. I don't know how many days I can handle alone in this room without going crazy. I lay on the floor on my side and finally fall asleep after hours of trying.

I wake up the next day, still unable to see any light, so yeah there is no window. I sit by myself with my hands cuffed, not seeing nor hearing anything. I'm left alone with my thoughts. I start reciting parts of the Quran that I know, trying to keep my mind occupied and away from my darker thoughts.

I hear the sound of a Palestine sunbird and I am sure of that. I know this sound, I can recognise it from all other species. Could it be the same sunbird that we feed? Did it cross all this distance after me? Probably no, but still hearing his sound makes me feel home and safe. Listening to him singing really cheers me up.

Hours later, I start feeling hungry and thirsty . I don't know what time it is, but I believe it is near noon and I haven't eaten or drank anything since I was in the hotel. I don't know how long they are going to leave me without any food or water. I can't use the food time to count the number of days. Today, sleeping is much harder.

The next day, I hear the beautiful sound of the bird again. I decide to use this sound to count days, but I won't live 365 without water. I finally hear the door opening and hear the sound of bucket scraping against the floor.

I quickly go towards the sound and sit on my knees in front of the bucket. I wait for him to remove the blindfold and uncuff me, but he doesn't.

"Are you going to drink or what?" He asks.

I get my head into the bucket and start licking the water to drink as if I am an animal. He pulls the bucket away while I am drinking and closes the door again. As soon as I hear the door close, I lean back against the wall, and the tears start to flow. I can't believe this level of humiliation is happening to me.