DINNER & DIATRIBES. . . JACKSON AVERY!

chapter forty: have you seen me lately?

Briar has always had a complicated relationship with sleep.

As a child, she was often scared to fall asleep–worried for herself, worried for her little brother, not wanting the next day to come– and, while she isn't afraid of sleeping anymore, some habits die screaming. She tends to fight any signs of tiredness, subconsciously or not, and can stay awake for longer stretches than most. Her longest record is nearly five days, and she'd terrified Kelly when she'd started hallucinating at the end of that.

All of that to say, she isn't bothered when she can't fall straight asleep after pulling her Valentine's Day double shift.

"Are you watching Coraline without me?" Lexie's betrayed voice has Briar looking to her doorway, seeing Lexie pouting at her TV with her arms crossed.

"Oops." Briar says sheepishly, holding up her blanket and laughing when Lexie dives onto her bed, making herself comfortable. They'd gone to see the movie together when it came out, making a day out of going to a drive-in for it, and they try to watch it together every month or so. Briar had thrown it on for comfort, but hadn't watched more than a minute of it, too busy staring at an email she never sent the night before.

"Sebastian?" Lexie asks, nodding to the laptop, and Briar sighs loudly.

"Yeah." She admits, shutting the computer and moving over to set it on her floor, letting herself be pulled into Lexie's side when she's done.

"Has he ever answered you?" Lexie asks, curious, and Briar shakes her head. She doesn't answer verbally, instead watching as Coraline shouts at Wybie, throwing her shoe at him as he flees her house.

"How'd it go with Mark?" She asks instead, changing the subject. Lexie had shown up at Mark's with Zola while Jackson was still there, cooking dinner and studying with his mentor. Briar had gotten texts from all three of her friends, which had been a good distraction in between cases.

"I didn't talk to him." Lexie sighs, sounding resigned. There's a long pause, both of them watching the movie, before she speaks again. "Do you think I'm a bad person for wanting to tell him how I feel? I know he's with Julia, and he seems happy, but . . . I don't know, after reading that proposal in the locket, I just . . ."

"Didn't want to wait?" Briar asks, humming. "I don't think you're a bad person, Lex. I think you've actually been pretty mature about this whole thing for the most part. I mean, you and Mark have been friendly with each other recently, right? How did he react to you coming over?"

"He asked if he should have Jackson leave." Lexie practically whispers, and Briar smiles to herself. "And then I said I was going to go, 'cause I really didn't expect Jackson to be there–I thought he was Julia when I heard him in the kitchen and I swear I almost passed out, it was awful! But he–he literally pulled me inside, like he didn't want me to leave, and I–fuck, Briar, I love him so much."

"I know you do." Briar sympathizes, holding her tighter. "Just–Lexie, are you ready for what being with Mark means now? He's a father. He's a dedicated, loving, present father. Date nights will get canceled, and you'll have a baby around a lot."

"I didn't think I was, but now . . . I think I want that." Lexie confesses, turning to look at her, and Briar can see the determination in her face. "He's a really good dad, and–and I don't think it's possible to see him with Sofia and still be upset about how she came into the world, you know? I mean, it's not like he cheated on me, and as much as it hurt to see him starting a family with someone else, I also love seeing him be a dad. I think I want to be part of that, even if just as the girlfriend."

"Damn girl, you've matured a lot." Briar jokes, smiling at her.

"Honestly, I think I owe a lot of that to you." Lexie says, with Briar immediately shaking her head. "I'm serious! You're the one who told me to stay single and figure myself out, and you're always there to talk things through with me, and I–I really appreciate it. I don't know where I'd be without you."