Dazai gets sick (Soukoku)

Old Wounds Still Bleed

Authors note: TW: This chapter includes self-harm/lots of angst. Please skip this chapter if this triggers you and stay safe <3.  ______________________________________________________________________

All the members of the ADA and the three Port Mafia members sat at the meeting table. Well, almost all of the members considering Yosano was gone today, and Dazai had yet to sit down.

"Dazai-san why aren't you sitting?" Timidly asked Atsushi.

"Because Dazai-san is too powerful to be contained by a mere chair." Replied Akutagawa

"I wasn't asking you, and that doesn't even make sense!" Atsushi said.

"Then why were you staring at me Were-tiger."

"I WASN'T!"

At this moment Mori motioned for both of them to stop bickering, and turned to Dazai.

"Why don't you sit down Dazai-Kun." He said gesturing at the only empty chair.

"Because I don't want to sit next to a person whose ability is a 12 year old girl."

"How your words wound me! You could show some respect to me, you know."

"Respect an old man?" Dazai scoffed.

"Dazai." Said Mori, clearly tiring of this conversation. "You really should remember what I said to you."

For some reason unknown to the ADA Dazai actually sat down. Even though they didn't know of his past they could feel the menacing aura he gave off. The way he sat down with practiced grace, the way his smile didn't reach his dead eyes, all made it seem like he was but a demon pretending to act like a human.

"Can we please start now." Said Fukazawa.

"Of course." Replied Mori, laying out the files.

Dazai almost flinched at the sound of Mori's voice. Being so close to him was something he wanted to avoid, yet luck was once again not on his side today. He tried so hard to keep on the mask he crafted for the ADA, to not let the side of himself he presented in the Port Mafia show. Yet something about being next to Mori made him want to drop all the effort and just revert to how he was. He dug his nails into his palm forcing himself to not drop the smile on his face. Even if he was upset he could always put on a mask to deceive everyone, sometimes even himself, but why could he not manage it now. He forced himself to pay attention trying to focus on the person who hated so much yet couldn't unshackle himself from.

"So basically the ability user we are going after has been classified as highly dangerous." Continued Mori. "They are able to raise people from the dead once every full moon."

Dazai felt his breath quicken. Someone who could raise people from the dead? Could they bring back Odasaku? He couldn't focus on that now, but... What if they raised him from the dead and he had to fight his friend? Could he do it? Would he let him kill him? Shoot he was going to black out. He quickly sat up and ran out of the room.

"Dazai?" Yelled Chuuya after him.

He didn't stop and answer him though, and quickly locked himself in a storage closet. He slumped against the door and quickly tore off his bandages. He fumbled around in his pockets for the knife he always kept on him. Taking the knife in his hand he sliced deep troughs into his arm. As much as he hated pain, it did ground him, made him feel like he wasn't just a shell of a human pretending to fit in. Droplets of blood rolled down his arm mixing with tears, he was crying? He put his hand up to his face. He was crying, how unexpected.

A knock on the door startled him and he quickly tried to wipe away his tears, and cover his bleeding arms.

"Mackerel open the goddamn door!" Shouted Chuuya.

Dazai stood still unsure of what to do.

"Dazai, if you don't open the door in five seconds I am breaking it down." Threatened Chuuya.

Still not saying anything Dazai opened the door and let Chuuya in quickly locking it behind him.

"Hey Hat-rack." He finally said weakly.

Chuuya didn't reply and just examined Dazai. Sighing, he took a roll of bandages out of his pocket and proceeded to guide Dazai to sit down.

"I was hoping you quit when you left the Port Mafia." Chuuya said well, rewrapping Dazai's arms.

Dazai remembered all the times in the Port Mafia where Chuuya had caught him self-harming. He would always help him clean and bandage the wounds then stay a bit to make sure Dazai was safe. The next day they would pretend nothing happened. It was an unspoken rule for Soukoku to help each other whenever the other needed it.

Pretty soon Chuuya had finished wrapping the bandages and Dazai had finally calmed down enough to stop crying.

"Want to talk about it?" asked Chuuya calmly.

"Not right now." Whispered Dazai. "I think we should head back before people start to get suspicious."

Chuuya just nodded and the pair walked back into the meeting room. Everyone ignored the pair going back to their sets except for one person: Mori.

"Dazai-kun you're finally back! We can continue the meeting now!" Mori said joyfully.

"I was just using the bathroom you could have continued without me." Lied Dazai easily.

"Nonsense, plus you couldn't miss the most important piece of information." Mori said well grabbing another file out of his coat. "Why don't you take a look."