𝐒𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓

Chapter 57: Dominance

Celeste 

This is all I've been doing: writing on a piece of paper things I despise about myself. Yesterday was Damian's love, Damian's Love, Damian's Love, etc. Tomorrow will be Rooftop Rain, Rooftop Rain, Rooftop Rain—yeah, you get it. It's been seven days since I've been home, and those seven days have been nothing but miserable.

I've been keeping up with Asher, Dean, Call, and Adelia but haven't spoken to Damian since I arrived. I'm glad he hasn't tried either; if he did, everyone would see my tantrum.

Seeing him gives me...some PTSD. I'm trying my best to stay away, and he knows best not to mess with my choice of actions. All I've felt was...Rage, so much rage it makes my blood fucking boil.

Something's wrong with me, but I don't know what; every minute, my head tells me to...hurt. And fuck, it'll feel so good to throw punch after punch after punch at something, specifically someone.

But I can't because these thoughts scare me; the images that cross my head are more terrifying than living this nightmare. I still have no clue what this feeling is, but something feels off. Something is wrong with me.

Something I can't put my finger on. It's as if something of me is missing; as dark as that sounds, I'm urging to find that missing part of me-

"Good morning, sunshine! The earth says hello!" 

I slowly glance in Asher's direction as he holds up a glass of orange juice and what looks like a round bagel wrapped in aluminum foil, "Another?" I groan, "Yes, come on, the doctor says you have to gain your weight back" fuck these stupid doctors.

If I eat more bread, I'll throw up, but either way, the bagel is goddamn delicious; grasping the glass from Asher's grip, I chug a few swallows before placing it on the desk, "You still doing that weird thing?" He asks, placing my bagel down for me; nodding, I unfold the bagel and take a bite.

"That's cute. Are you growing attached to your iris scar?" I arch a brow while I chew on my-

Oh, right...after he caught me writing about Damian's love yesterday, he thought I missed him like the compulsive liar Damian is. He told everyone I can't look him in the eyes since I'm afraid to, which is true, but this is the impulsive liar part.

He quotes because Elias is his brother, I'm still healing from the trauma of falling from the rooftop and seeing HIM as his last face before he could catch me.

Mother of God, I want to rip his head apart, but I'm playing along; I don't want everyone to know what happened, not yet, either way. But trust me when I say I'll make them feel betrayed as much as I did seven months ago.

"You miss him, huh?" I still and swallow the bagel bitten down my throat, "I do" I say, and as much as I hate to admit it, fuck I miss him so much. I miss his comfort touch, his kisses, his arms around me.

I miss all of him, and that's what I fucking hate, hm maybe that should be my next so-called journal entry, "I miss him so much," I confess, placing the bagel down on its wrapper, "Take your time. I know it's hard having to see him, but remember he loves you and misses you as hell." I glance up at him, arching my one brow he can see.

"I think I heard his angry sobs last night." Right... that loud, annoying noise, no wonder I could barely sleep last night. "I'm not ready yet," he nods, giving me a slight smile-

My mouth drops as Asher grasps my bagel and bites, "Hey!"
"I knew you liked it, you liar." I blink and roll my eyes, "You owe me for all the gains you're putting me in," he laughs to himself before handing me my bagel back.